I have decided that getting "a lump of coal" in your stocking is a little old-fashioned. So I have composed this list of new classics. Which one would you like to get instead?
Top Ten Alternatives for a Lump of Coal:
10. A giant pile of staples
9. A half-eaten Mentos
8. Baggie full of cat sand
7. Half gallon of outdated cough syrup
6. Tub of dried up spackle
5. Jewel's Greatest Hits
4. 13 pounds of hair clippings from The Cuttin' Corral
3. Lifetime supply of lake trout
2. Autograhped 5X7 of Nancy Pelosi
1. Giant rusted lawn dart
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