Tuesday, May 31, 2011
So now she has a lovely six-drawer dresser that is completely empty. And I have a super smug look on my face for being completely brilliant :)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
A Cindy Quickie
When the whole "end of the world/rapture" thing was happening last weekend, I was explaining it all to Cindy. I told her that there were certain people in a certain church that thought the world was going to end on Saturday at 6pm. She was absolutely flabbergasted by this news. Finally she said, "Well, those people are making a terrible hypothesis!" That they were, Dr. Sweeney.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Doesn't that furry little face just scream "I LOVE my owners!!"? Hey, we rescued this cat from a life of certain and eminent death. A little hamming it up for my blog is the least she can do, alright?
So yes, we are gonna have little CuCuFaces running around :) Your guess is as good as mine as to who the father is, but based on the cavalcade of suitors I have seen in my yard over the past month, I would have to guess that the kittens will either be a mixed grey tiger stripe, orange tiger stripe or be half squirrel. I have posted new poll widgets so we can all vote on this incredibly important matter. Too bad we can't just put her on Maury Povich. But I guess we will know within a few weeks anyways. Mazel Tov!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
10 things I found out when I Googled "mind blowing facts":
1. Turtles have no teeth
2. The same guy who does the voice of Optimus Prime does the voice of Eeyore
3. Keifer Sutherland has a twin sister
4. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie
5. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and month
6. The average American consumes three bottles of Ketchup each year (6 if you're Luke)
7. A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court
8. The total combined weight of the world's ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population
9. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing
10. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in 9 different ways; Read this: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”
Your brain probably exploded after reading those. Sorry if you needed it. But I did warn you :)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
**Warning: Mr. T may or may not be wearing his camo daisey dukes in this video.**
Please put on your modesty glasses, now:
Moral of the story: Yo Momma jokes are totally unacceptable, fool! And Moms make really bad backup singers and even worse backup dancers. So do that while you're single, okay ladies?
But if only I had remembered this for Mother's Day! I am really kicking myself for that one! Sorry, Mom :( This video tribute would have been a way better present than that lame Darth Vader plate...
Friday, May 20, 2011
10. RSVP with "Not Attending" to every event invitation I have on Facebook
9. Eat my entire ten year supply of wheat
8. Finally tell Cindy that mermaids aren't real, maybe
7. Cancel my subscription to Centenarian Quarterly
6. Figure out once and for all if Queen Amidala is Padme or if they are two different people (seriously, I have never understood this)
5. Order 17 Meat Lovers pizzas to be delivered tomorrow at 7 (joke's on you, Pizza Hut!)
4. Pull the tag off my mattress, dangit!
3. Use all 326 of my remaining cell phone plan minutes
2. Put bacon on everything I eat until 6pm
1. Admit that Obama really isn't that bad. Because he isn't. He's HORRIBLE. So the world ending tomorrow would actually put us out of our misery about 18 months early. Hmmmm, not a bad trade off...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
(This is a card Cindy made for me a few weeks back. Go ahead and click to enlarge it and you will see Cindy's creativity. No, this isn't secretly a former Valentine's Day card from Cindy's friend Madison! Whatever gave you that idea? Silly Mom!)
On the other hand, Cindy completely redeemed herself by making this card for my Mom:
Even if she did address it:
Monday, May 16, 2011
To her credit, Cindy saw the picture I posted of the sunflowers in the garden and was very quick to look me dead in the eye, and say with the most sincere gusto I have ever heard, "Your sunflowers are NOT lame! They are beautiful!" And then she gave me a hug :) So I guess it's kinda okay if she kicks my fanny.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Inconceivable! I think I picked the wrong side of the stick :( How does she do that!!?
However, my zucchini plants are gigantic and gorgeous, so my self-confidence has not been completely destroyed.
Also, I've had another genius idea and it's name is "Trying on all those wigs yesterday completely gets me off the hook for my last three hairdos." Awesome, huh? I think that is pretty fair, actually. I mean, if we all wanted to see me do something different with my hair, I don't think I could have done anything more different with my own hair than that :)
Friday, May 13, 2011
Well, after 24 hours of her first chemo treatment, my mom is doing okay. A little nauseous, a bad headache and carsickness so far. But bless her heart, she did make it up to the American Cancer Society here in Lakeland and picked out two wigs today! I got to meet her there with my dad and help her try some on. She was very patient and humored me by trying on all kinds of hair- even big ridiculous hair that made her roll her eyes at me. All of the wigs are free and she can borrow them for however long she needs. They also gave her some cool head scarves and a t-shirt. They were so very kind, very helpful and best of all, they let ME try on some wigs! (Which makes them AWESOME!) Honestly, everyone should do this at least once in their lives. It was totally cool to see myself in other hair! And it was even MORE meant to be because I just happened to have my camera in my purse (that never happens) and Dad was just a little bit more than willing to document the moments for me:
(I was not wearing a stitch of makeup, which only makes me more convinced I could totally wear one of these one day if I were all glammed up...)
Ever wondered what would have happened if the redhead gene didn't stop working after my older brothers were born? Well, here ya go. Actually, I look like I'm just about to sing "It's a Hard Knock Life" and give my dog, Sandy, a bath.
It's not necessarily the hair that is scary, it's the face. I admit it. I don't know what I was doing on that one...
Wow, Jacob is right. Short hair is a big no-no for me. The white blond doesn't help things either. On the skunky scale, this one is a 10. But I think I look German for some reason...
The Britney hair! I was secretly dying to try this one on. I haven't had hair that was longer than my shoulders since I was 8! And since I have curly hair now and bangs are not a good idea for me, this wig was the culmination of dreaming the impossible dream!! I loved this wig. The color might be a little wrong, but having big hair and bangs was pretty awesome, I won't lie. Additionally, for any of you out there who really wanted a legit "after" photo for p90x, check out those arms and that amazing definition! I have a divot, people! You wouldn't want to meet me in a dark alley late at night. Although, you could still see pretty well from the glow of the wig...
Thursday, May 12, 2011
So here is something that might amuse you- a Luke Quickie :)
As we drove Cindy to school this morning, Luke announced he had to go to the bathroom. Cindy was first to give a great big, "Auugh!! Why didn't you go before we left the house!??" (taking the words right out of my mouth) Luke said, "Because I was playing with my Star Wars legos!" Cindy says, "Why didn't you take a break?!" Luke then says with a look of total DUH! on his face, "I can't take my Star Wars legos on the toilet!" I think I might need to go buy some pull-ups :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
TOP TEN REJECTED MINI CLASSES FOR PARENT DAY
10. Blackmailing your neighbors for fun and profit
9. Make your own Osama death photo
8. Why college is completely unnecessary
7. Extreme scorpion farming
6. How I know Principal Morris is really a man
5. Never pay for extra corn dogs again!
4. Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez: Possible Outcomes
3. Royal Wedding puppet theater
2. 13 tattoo choices you won't regret
1. Triple your carbon footprint without even trying!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Okay, that might be a little misleading...
WARNING: This post is a very long review of the P90X workout program. Feel free to skip it if you have no interest :) I really just want to see if the hits on my blog go up after using the title that I did...
As many of you know Jacob and I just finished (as of Sunday night) one full round of P90X, which is an infomercial exercise program that promises to get you totally ripped and in the best shape of your life in 90 days. Basically it tells you what to eat, what to do for exercise each day and completely takes over your life for 3 months. But does it work? In a word, YES. Caveats? YES. Here are just a few things to remember if you are interested in P90X:
1. Unless you start the program in relatively good shape and close to your goal weight, you are going to have to do more than one round of the program to get the results you see on TV. But, if you totally commit and do a few rounds, then yes, you can look like those people. It does work!
2. The diet is the KEY to the entire program. You have to eat high protein, low carb, low sugar food. (That is the general gist in a nutshell, the book spells out exactly how to do it.) If you still eat crap it won't work like you think. Plus it is much harder to get through the workouts if you don't have good fuel in the tank. Whey protein powder supplement is a must. You need a good recovery drink after each workout too. Of course the P90X company wants to sell you their super snazzy P90X version, but we just drank a smoothie made with protein whey powder mixed with one Emergen-C vitamin packet after every workout. Awesome results! Plus it has 1,000% of your Vitamin C for the day so you don't get sick! Seriously, I felt fantastic every day for three months.
3. Getting the totally ripped abs that everyone obsesses over is about having very low body fat, not having incredibly large ab muscles or strength. If you want your washboard 6-pack abs to show up, you have to have a LOW body fat. For men it is about 10% or below for women it is about 14% or below. Once I learned those numbers I realized exactly what it would take for me to look like the picture in the book. Which leads me to....
4. Decide what is most important for you. Do you want arms that are guns? Do you want the six pack abs? Do you want skinny thighs? Do you just want energy to run around without getting winded? You have to focus on what you want. There are 13 different workout routines that each focus on different parts of your body, so the program is a little overwhelming at first. It is SO easy to feel guilty and inadequate when you can't do even half of what some of the workouts are. But you just have to stick with it and put the most energy into what is most important to you. To this day I still can't do hardly any regular man push-ups. But guess what? I don't really care! I can only do about 3 pull-ups. Still don't really care! And seeing as how I am never in public in a bikini or clothes that expose my midriff, having super defined abs is not really worth it to me. Sure, I could kill myself to lower my body fat to get them, but frankly my dear, I don't care that much. And I love chocolate. But I do want good, toned arms so making sure I worked super hard in the arm workouts was much more of a priority for me. Don't get me wrong, you still need to complete all the workouts, but just don't stress over the certain moves or routines that don't really inspire you :)
5. The simplest exercises are still what works. This program is a heck of a lot of push-ups, pull-ups, chin-ups, jumping jacks, squats (oh, the squats!) and work with free weights. Nothing really earth shattering. The cardio routines do have a lot of high impact in them, which you can take out if you modify the moves. It is kinda crazy to think that just the old fashioned stuff still gets it done.
6. We never did the Yoga. You are supposed to do Yoga one day a week. Apparently it is one of the hardest routines you do! But Jacob and I have no patience for it. Sorry. We just couldn't commit to that one. We are impressed with those that do, though. We used that day to run and do an extra cardio workout.
7. Don't buy this program new or pay full price. Craiglist or eBay. I would not spend more than around $65.
8. You will love Tony :) He is the star of the videos and we found him to be very entertaining. Which is a good thing when you spend an hour a day with someone for 3 months...
So overall I feel my results were great for what I wanted. I am all about the arms. I feel much stronger in my arms, and for the first time ever in my life I even have some arm definition going on! My thighs are much thinner and I am thrilled that I can make it through the Plyometrics workout and still be alive at the end. I lost a pound or two, some body fat and gained muscle- but the big thing is just feeling more toned. I have been back in my bathing suit for the past 3 weeks with the kids and after doing the P90X I can tell I am much leaner than I used to be. A very good feeling :)
Jacob's results are extremely impressive. WOW. While I would say I followed the program to about 70% accuracy, he is more in the 90% range. He is a machine when it comes to deciding and committing to something. He cannot be budged! I kept waiting for him to fall off the wagon, but alas, he was snug inside it with no intention of even getting near the edge. He has been very disciplined on the diet (he still had b-day cake with his kids on their birthdays, though...) but he really stuck to it with great precision.
So here is Jacob's official P90X transformation video! YouTube is has TONS of these things. It is basically a P90X rite of passage to make one when you finish your 90 days. Which also accomplishes Jacob's lifelong dream of being in a video montage with music from the movie The Karate Kid. I think he decided to do P90X just for that chance...
****Disclaimer: I realize this is kind of an awkward situation. I mean, you all know my husband but this might be more of him than you wanted to see. We made this video mostly to submit to the P90X website. So watch if you want. This isn't meant as a brag-fest either, it truly is meant to inspire anybody who might want to take on this program and to show what's possible. It's so cheesy and so trite to say, but if we can do it, anyone can :)
(I do have to add to this that I get to take a lot of responsibility for Jacob's transformation. I cooked probably 98% of the food he at for 3 months- breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I got up when he did, I read the instruction book, the recipes, I counted the carbs, read labels, made a TON of homemade soups, tuna salads, chicken salads, grilled salmon, Eggs! EGGS! Oh, the humanity of EGGS!!!!)
Looking back I seriously can't believe we made it through doing that for 90 days! We never missed a workout in 3 months. (Except for Sundays, of course). I plan to do another round of a more lenient P90X until school gets out and focus on my arms a little more. Jacob will probably do another round with more forgiveness in the diet. After that, who knows? The White House? The Olympics? The World Cup? 100% Home and Visiting Teaching?!!! Well, let's not get crazy...
As for a real picture of me? I will give you one:
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Addtionally, I thought I would write up a little more on my mom and specifically some things she has taught me. Although, if you are hoping for something sappy and inspiring about love, charity and the brotherhood of man, you have clicked on the wrong blog. I am going for something a little more amusing today. Not that my mom has not taught me about love, charity and the brotherhood of man; she has. In fact, she is pretty much an expert on that stuff (she got a 5 on her AP Brotherhood of Man test in high school), but today we celebrate the lighter side :)
So here are just a few awesome things that my mom has taught me:
(I will call this Volume 1 because there is a lot more than this. I will keep collecting wisdom...)
1. Five things go in a homemade lunch. Ever since I was a kid and had my lunch packed for me, there were always 5 items in every lunch. And so now when I make Cindy's lunch every morning, I am constantly counting to 5 to make sure I didn't forget anything. The magic five ingredients are: drink, sandwich, chips, fruit, dessert. Yep, I was spoiled as a kid. And the dessert was usually some sort of delectable little debbie cake, which is why even to this day I would eat them with a fox and in a box and on a train and in the rain- they are incredible. If I close my eyes and think real hard, I can taste a Fudge Round right now.
2. The best way to enjoy a Diet Coke/Pepsi fountain drink (only when Diet Dr. Pepper is not available) is to fill up your cup almost to the top and then right at the end put in some full strength Dr. Pepper/Mr. Pibb to top it off. It makes it seem like you are drinking a full Dr. Pepper but without all the calories. Genius! Plus, anyone at the soda machine who sees you do this thinks you are some sort of beverage rebel that knows something they don't. Which you do- thanks to my mom :)
3. A very good phrase to use when you are totally surprised by something is "Holy Cats!" Go ahead, say it. See? It's fun, huh?
4. A wonderful game to play to with a friend or relative (who has all the same friends as you) is called "Who does that mannequin look like?" My mom and I usually spend a lot of time together on Fridays running errands or going shopping together and every time we are in a clothing store and one of us thinks a mannequin is wearing something that looks exactly like something someone we know would wear, we say to the other, "Okay, who does that mannequin look like?" And 9 times out of 10, we can totally read each other's mind! This is not a game to make fun of people, it's just that certain people have certain styles and it reminds us of them. It's also not because we have a bunch of friends who don't have heads.
5. Placemats! Every dinner table must have placemats! Mom is a huge fan of them and to this day I cannot set my own table without them. Mostly because I have been setting tables with placemats since I was 5 years old. Why, even yesterday when I was at my mom's house canning tomatoes and we took a short break to eat a frozen pizza, we still busted out placemats and sat at the table. There is just something about placemats that give dinner that tiny extra more formal touch. And it's so much easier to shake off the 12 pounds of oatmeal that Luke spills on it at breakfast every morning, rather than having to wipe down the table and goo up the dishrag. Wow, "goo up the dishrag" is my new favorite phrase! Maybe one day Cindy will blog about me teaching her that...
Mom, I love you! You are the best one of the best ones :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Also I finally explained to my kids that Grandma Bingham's hair is going to fall out :( She starts her chemo this Thursday, so I thought I better give them a heads up. Cindy was a little shocked to hear the news, but she quickly saw the silver lining and said, "Lucky! Now she doesn't have to wash her hair!" Cindy is not the biggest fan of shampoo.
And earlier tonight I was telling Luke to get his pajamas on. After I asked him for the third time he said, "Oh, actually speaking of pajamas....I need help with those." How can I refuse help to a child that uses such wonderful phrasing? I can't!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I think, however, the best way to celebrate today would be to watch any of original trilogy movies, play light sabers, fly around a pretend TIE fighter in your living room, play LEGO Star Wars on Xbox and finally learn to properly pronounce "Degobah." Oh, wait, Luke and I do that EVERY DAY. No, seriously, I did all 5 of those before 2pm. (Luke calls it the 'Dang-oh-mah' system :)
Well, then how about ordering any one of these fine Star Wars products?
Tonton Sleeping Bag
Worst part of this is having to sleep in your goggles. But the giant arm on the outside is definitely my favorite part.
Death Star Grill
Just be careful because if you drip just one drop of grease directly into a teeny hole at the bottom it causes a chain reaction and the whole thing explodes.
Jabba the Hutt Bean Bag Chair
Pretty sure a bean bag chair inspired Jabba the Hutt anyway, so this isn't that much of a stretch.
R2D2 Sauce Dispenser
I am not seeing the sauce coming out of an extendable probe arm. I will have to pass.
They are a cool idea, but I am sure all you hear is beeping when you put them on.
I am just so blown away that it isn't a trash can!
Han Solo in Carbonite Desk
I really wanted this to be an operating table. Sigh.
Darth Vader USB Hub
Dangit! I just bought a USB hub! If only I had known of this. Clearly I was not using the force that day.
If only I could put a real Jawa in my garden. I would love for them capture all of the verminous squirrels and then sell them as slaves to some farmers out of a giantic metal Winnebago.
C3p0 Tape Dispenser
If only there were some sort of really over the top Star Wars desk to put this on....
Darth Vader Plate
Mom, I hope you like this because you're getting one on Sunday.
And now a riddle: Where does a rebel fighter keep his Wookiee Cookies?
In his Stormtrooper Cookie Jar, of course!
That cookbook is amazing, by the way. It has recipes for Bobba Fett-ucini, Hoth Chocolate, Yoda Soda, Obi Wan Kebabs, and Tuscan Raider Taters! I love this country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I went to a large outdoor park last Saturday with my kids and my neices and nephew. At one point I was pushing both Luke and my nephew Wyatt on the swings. We were facing the park and looking out over all the different people who were there that morning, including a woman who was there with her kids and wearing a burka? I believe it is called? She had on a very long black cloak, that went from her ankles to her wrists and then also the full head wrap around her hair, which was also black. I admire her dedication to her beliefs, but I couldn't help thinking how hot she must be in all those clothes! Luke, however, had different thoughts. As he swung in silence and then saw her among the scene, he got very excited and said, "MOM! IT'S DARTH Vader... Oh, wait, that's not him....." And then he got very quiet again. In his world, Darth Vader could be anywhere.
Last night Cindy made a homemade slingshot from a Y-shaped stick she found in the yard. Luke really, really, wanted to hold it and try it out, but didn't exactly know what it was called. So he kept following her around begging her, "Can I please hold your Angry Birds thing? Please?!"
This is not a Luke Quickie, but I just have to say that for Family Home Evening last night, we got some wheat out of Food Storage and used a hand crank grinder to make some whole wheat flour. I have never felt more Mormon in my entire life :)
And because my parents do not use Facebook....
Here is a picture I saw there that made me laugh :)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Brian and Kelly made it to Mexico for the summer. My mom got two emails from them so far, mostly just telling her they are alive and as of the first 3 days they love it, but they do have a blog which they might update one day. Here is the link: http://www.kellyandbrianvstheworld.blogspot.com There is an awesome story on there right now about what they say in their prayers when they start falling asleep. That was a good laugh. Plus, they get the award for most awesome blog template. Check it out to see for yourself :)
This week I had the experience of being a mother of 5. From Tuesday night to Saturday afternoon I was taking care of my two kids plus my brother Chris' three. Wow, that was a lot of work! To anyone out there who has more than 2 kids, I salute you and think you are part cyborg because no human being can keep up with all those rascals at one time!! I will say, however, that my children never had more fun in their entire lives than this past week. They LOVED every minute of spending time with their cousins. Kinda sad because my brother and his family are of course moving to Tennessee in 2 months :( but I'm glad they got to have one last hurrah, so to speak.
Finally, is it just me or does
American Idol contestant Scotty McCreery.....
Look a lot like Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine ?
The answer is YES, because when I Googled 'Scotty McCreery', I got more than a few results for Mad Magazine. I knew it!