Saturday, August 29, 2015

A bit rough, a bit rough

This week I officially began my substitute teaching adventure.  I ended up at a school for two days of Kindergarten.  And I can sum it up like this:

Only pretend all the cats took turns crying, whining, rolling on the floor, disrespecting me and practicing their lucha libre skills with their neighbors.  I was actually subbing for a sub, who was subbing for the original teacher who was only there one day. Gee, I wonder what happened to the original teacher?  You don't think she went crazy and isn't coming back do you? Nah!

There was crying! There was whining!  There was asking if the day was over at 10am!  And that was just me.  Honestly, it was two of the hardest days I have experienced in a long time.  On the plus side, I have definitely ruled out being a Kindergarten teacher.  100% sure on that one.  I heard all those ladies during carline planning their night of margaritas at the local Chili's and I thought, "I totally get it and I hope they're two for one."

Highlights of my days included:

A little girl painting her nails with ranch dressing at lunch.
A boy washing his hair with soap in the in-classroom sink.
Two kids that had such bad speech impediments that anything they said was completely unintelligible so we communicated by not speaking to each other.
A boy named "Wrangler" who needed so much wrangling I almost had to call the FFA club from Jenkins. Well played, name generator.
A boy with the name "Kale."  Can we all agree this whole Kale obsession has gone just a little too far?  It's ridiculous and mean to name your kid this.
Fire drill anyone? It's like they knew I wanted to herd this crack squad of super motivated delinquents out into a dewy field of freshly cut grass and massive fire ant hills.  In my sandals. Without "the clipboard." Or sunglasses.  

The good news is that the retired teacher volunteer they sent to help me for two days uttered the words, "In all my days I have NEVER seen a Kindergarten class act like this."  So it can only get better, right?

Success Kid - class was horrible never have to go back

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Life's At Ease with an Ocean Breeze

I think the kids and I have gone to the beach three times so far this year.  Which has to be some sort of world record.  This time it was to officially say goodbye to Summer 2015 and spend time with friends on the last open day before school started.  Coquina Beach, Bradenton, FL.  Write this down, make a little note.    

The closest he will get to being a surfer

The closest I will get to being a swimsuit model

Cindy and Alyssa

Halfway through the day we found an old man diving for sand dollars.  
Then he put them out on his raft to dry and gave them away to a big group of kids 
that asked him nicely of they could each have one.  


Luke had the most fun digging for sand crabs over and over and over and over again.  

The last one he caught for the day even made it into our family picture.  

Until next summer!  Or next week. One of the two...

Saturday, August 22, 2015

A Cindy Quickie

The other day the kids were riding with their aunt in her car.  Apparently they had a close call with a truck and a trailer and I was asking Cindy exactly what happened.  She told me that they almost got side swiped and there must have been some sort of force field protecting them because they were so close to getting into an accident.  She said, quote, "My entire life flashed before my eyes and I really need to do something else because I realized I had wasted it all at school."  Time to go backpacking through Europe, apparently.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Tender Mercies

Today the A/C was not working in the Primary room at church, so we had to relocate to the gym. The priesthood brethren moved the chairs, piano, rolling chalkboard, podium, etc. and were back up and rolling in no time.  About five minutes after starting opening exercises, a little guy on the front row got up to go to the bathroom and barfed right next to the piano on the way out the door. And then I realized that everything happens for a reason.  And that reason is that 0/10 would recommend mopping carpet :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Five Things I Learned This Week

1.  One of my greatest pet peeves is playing a game with dice and having the dice get rolled off the table and onto the floor.
2.  Sleeping is hard.
3.  Jacob finally figured out what he wants to be!  Retired!
4.  Marvel's Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D is actually a really good TV show
5.  There is such thing as trampoline burn.  And it looks awesome on your forehead.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

That Moment When...

You and your kids are riding in the car with your dad and you pass one of those billboards with the wait time clock for the local emergency room and he says, "Does anybody need to go to the ER? The wait is only 4 minutes right now and that's really good."  Oh, alright.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

My Official Review of Ant-Man

Honestly, I thought this movie was going to be incredibly dumb.  On a scale of one to ten my interest in seeing it was about one half.  But then my brother, the movie hating king of the universe, saw it. And liked it!  A lot! And then other people I trust saw and liked it and so then I just had to go and see it for myself.  Well done, Marvel.  Well done.    


Paul Rudd's charm and comedic timing
Mexican sidekick Luis stole the show.  And made great waffles.
Evangeline Lilly is actually a believable female superhero
It did NOT turn into Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and "Look at me inside this giant cheerio!"
The superpower wasn't always just staying small
The immortal question: "Why don't you just call the Avengers?"
That entire Baskin-Robbins scene
Fun, self-deprecating, and witty
Makes you feel like an evil genius when you stay until the very end for the secret scene
I did not look at my phone once
Used a Chipotle BOGO coupon before the movie, used my Groupon to see the movie, and a DQ gift card after the movie.  Savings trifecta!


I kept thinking Dr. Cross was Lex Luthor
I kept thinking Hope was Parker Posey
Hank Pym is just a weird name
Judy Greer as the ex-wife/mom bit character- (AGAIN) What is it with this woman?!
Still wasn't able to make me like ants

I have to give this movie two antennae, way up.  Such a surprise and probably one of the best superhero movies I have seen.  I think Iron Man remains the champ, but this one is right up there. And yes, Luke, you can be Ant Man for Halloween.

tiny,Black Widow,conspiracy keanu,ant man