This week I officially began my substitute teaching adventure. I ended up at a school for two days of Kindergarten. And I can sum it up like this:
Only pretend all the cats took turns crying, whining, rolling on the floor, disrespecting me and practicing their lucha libre skills with their neighbors. I was actually subbing for a sub, who was subbing for the original teacher who was only there one day. Gee, I wonder what happened to the original teacher? You don't think she went crazy and isn't coming back do you? Nah!
There was crying! There was whining! There was asking if the day was over at 10am! And that was just me. Honestly, it was two of the hardest days I have experienced in a long time. On the plus side, I have definitely ruled out being a Kindergarten teacher. 100% sure on that one. I heard all those ladies during carline planning their night of margaritas at the local Chili's and I thought, "I totally get it and I hope they're two for one."
Highlights of my days included:
A little girl painting her nails with ranch dressing at lunch.
A boy washing his hair with soap in the in-classroom sink.
Two kids that had such bad speech impediments that anything they said was completely unintelligible so we communicated by not speaking to each other.
A boy named "Wrangler" who needed so much wrangling I almost had to call the FFA club from Jenkins. Well played, name generator.
A boy with the name "Kale." Can we all agree this whole Kale obsession has gone just a little too far? It's ridiculous and mean to name your kid this.
Fire drill anyone? It's like they knew I wanted to herd this crack squad of super motivated delinquents out into a dewy field of freshly cut grass and massive fire ant hills. In my sandals. Without "the clipboard." Or sunglasses.
The good news is that the retired teacher volunteer they sent to help me for two days uttered the words, "In all my days I have NEVER seen a Kindergarten class act like this." So it can only get better, right?