I will now once again add to my growing list of things I have learned since substitute teaching:
1. Tying teacher salaries to student performance is the single WORST idea in the history of mankind.
2. The official noise of third grade is a short, whiny "Aww!" that follows after every time you say no to something. Which is like 47 times a day.
3. Complete the analogy:
Flame is to moth as _______ is to third graders.
4. Kids are so very trusting. It's a good thing I am a normal, decent human being.
5. Being a good reader is the key to happiness and success in ALL areas of schooling. Forever. The end.
6. There is an exponential inverse relationship between the number of lunches brought from home and the day that the cafeteria serves fish nuggets.
7. Never let the kids know when you completely staple your finger while collecting homework. Just pry out the staple and cover it with one of those brown sandpaper paper towels and act like nothing happened. And then maybe spend the rest of the day wondering if you need a tetanus shot.
8. The real reason kids beg and plead to take the attendance to the office:
9. Being a kid is dangerous. There are headaches, earrings that bother you, "broken" ankles, scraped palms, splinters, loose teeth that fall out during math class, tripping over your desk, and "not being able to feel your leg." And that's just in one day.
10. Never trust 90% of what you hear.