Thursday, January 22, 2015

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

To Be Our Friend In A Very Special Way

Let us all take a moment to introduce ourselves to the newest player recruited 
for the BYU football team.

  
Squally Canada
                                                                (I am not making this up)


The hardest part is waiting for Dave to get another cat so he can name him Squally Canada.  

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Five Things I Learned This Week

1.  Life can be cruel, but soccer will utterly rip your heart out.
2.  Cindy is actually pretty decent at basketball!  (As long as she can wear yoga capris.)
3.  Luke is the only kid I know that can completely assemble, disassemble, reassemble, disassemble and then reassemble the LEGO X-Wing Fighter without losing a single solitary piece.
4.  My piano has, and I quote, "Probably never been tuned in its life. Wow."
5.  Never stop at the lone gas station just outside of Frostproof on Hwy 27 late at night.  Things get weird.


Red 5, reporting for duty

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Just In Case You Were Wondering...

Back when Luke was selling his drawings, he was commissioned to draw a minion pushing a lawnmower and also the Taj Mahal.  How did those turn out you may wonder?  See for yourself!











Sorry for the inferior photo quality, but I took these in Sacrament meeting right before I delivered the goods.  I just couldn't let them these escape without even attempting to capture their greatness.


 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Please Read Chapter Four

Which is conveniently located two posts down from this one.
                                                             II
                                                             II
                                                             II
                                                             II
                                                             II
                                                      IIIIIIIIIIIII
                                                        IIIIIIIII
                                                          IIIIIII
                                                            IIII
                                                             II
                                                             

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

FYI

Just so we all understand, I am purposely backdating my last blog posts so I can publish Christmas in the correct year.  As you were...

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Chapter Four: Everything Else or The Day My Bowels Tried to Kill Me

Chapter Four

Summary
Overall the holidays were pretty darn good.  We took family pictures the day after Christmas and I realized that was literally the one time during the break where we were all in attendance together. (Hopefully those pictures will be appearing on a blog near you very soon.) Other highlights included...

Games.  This picture represents all of the games we played.  Which I think was like 227. Telestrations was a great one.




Dave finally played the claw game for all the kids see!!  He did not win the one-eyed polka dot starfish. Darnit, I really wanted that guy.


Once again Aunt Kelly came to town and set incredibly high standards for hair styling that I will never measure up to.





Even JennyEllen put me to shame with her zig zag french braid! 







Cousin Time: It's In-tents!  (Get it? Intense?) No seriously, it was pretty intense.  Luke and Wyatt are also inside that tent, you just can't see them.  Maybe it was really a TARDIS...




My niece Olivia stole the show while she was here.  Cindy and Luke were in love with her and I know that Cindy wanted to smuggle her into our house and never let her escape.  

And now,

Appendix A: The Olivia Totem Pole of Important People




Most Important: Hummus






 Second most important:  Grandpa Bingham







Third most important:  Uncle Jacob
(Seriously, they had a magic moment that night we had the fire in our backyard.  BFFs)





Least important:  Grandma Bingham


Olivia will soon learn the hideous error of her ways and put Grandma at the top where she deserves to be.


The mystery death disease that Brian had on Christmas Day soon passed to Luke on the Saturday after Christmas. So while this glorious beach day was happening...



I was at home keeping Luke company while he vomited every four hours :(  By Sunday he was feeling much better, which was just in time for Kelly to start feeling iffy for the night.  Then both of my parents soon got the funk and they each missed work that Monday.


Commentary
I was determined to not get sick.  In fact, I was incredibly confident I was going to be the ONE person that was going to run the gauntlet and survive.  And I almost made it.  Tuesday night I was playing a game at Chris and Molly's house, having a great time, but noticing I was getting a headache.  I decided things were going to be fine.  Meanwhile, in my lower intestines...


                


And then it just got worse and worse and worse.  My back began to hurt so bad I thought I was about to bring a child into the world.  I tried a hot shower, some sort of prescription drug Chris gave me, Ibuprofen- finally I limped to their the playroom to suffer in silence all night long.  I managed to wake up and feel 50% alive, but by noon I was driving home with only the thought of dying in my own bed keeping me going.  So New Year's Eve of 2014 was just about as EPIC of a year as I have ever spent!  In the bathroom every three hours and then in bed by 7:30.  Par-tay! Thankfully, Jacob took off to DJ a dance that night and the kids stayed behind at my brother's house, so I slept quite well once my bowels stopped trying to kill me. Never. Again.

Glossary

Each of the following ten phrases are actual medical conditions found in the American Medical Association's Journal of Hideous Afflictions.  And each one is quite possible the exact scourge we passed around during the holidays.

10.  "The Itis"
9.  Intestinal plague
8.  Cramptastic Flux
7.  Flaming bowel disorder
6.  Montezuma's avenging assassin
5.  Caca Vesuvius
4.  Acute entrail failure
3.  Grade IV abdominal combustion
2.  Gee, I Wish I Just Had Dysentery
1.  Napalm Guts


P.S.  I neglected to mention officially that on Christmas night, Dave asked JennyEllen to marry him :)

Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Big Day


Summary

After spending Christmas Eve at my parent's house acting out the Nativity and playing a few games, we headed home to open pajamas. This year's choices turned out to be spot on.  The kids love high-waisted clothing, did I ever mention that?




The kids then stayed up to watch a movie.  Until I realized that unless they went to to their rooms to go to sleep, Christmas was never going to come and I would be getting less than 2 hours of sleep.  So I finally kicked them out of the playroom and I thank my lucky stars that they did not remember that leaving a plate of cookies for Santa had been completely overlooked.  Christmas morning was great once again.  Everyone got what they wanted.  Santa even brought Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare for Luke and a new pink guitar for Cindy.




 Luke got dad a coupon book full of chores he could do.  Fortunately for Luke, it did NOT include the promise of giving any sort of foot rub, the thought of which literally makes Luke's stomach turn.




 Soccer stars need the right tools.








Books, Legos, crafts- the kids have a lot of work ahead of them.


After a lazy morning at our house, we meandered over to my parents house to view the aftermath there. It was brutal.  We then finally all headed over to Chris and Molly's house for the rest of the evening.




There was Karaoke in the playroom, and Cindy and Ana dominated everyone at Wits and Wagers. Which makes NO SENSE!




And I got a sweet new profile picture for Facebook with this handsome joker in the U of U outfit. 



Commentary

Our kids have never been ones to wake us up early on Christmas morning.  I credit this mostly to their intense fear of being killed by their father if they did.  Most years we have started presents around 8am and this year was no different.  Cindy did confess that she woke Luke up at 3:30am just so he could see what they got, to which Luke seemed horrified and slightly annoyed because he would never do something that reckless.  We did have a very good Christmas this year.  Having all of my family in town made it wonderful.  I need to mention here that right after the presents were opened at my parents' house on Christmas morning, Brian suddenly became ill and didn't leave the house for two days.  Well, sucks to be him, because he missed everything! Too bad he was born with pantywaste antibodies, while I on the other hand, was born with antibodies that have individual goatees and eat nails for breakfast.  Or do I?.....

Glossary

trickeration- What Brian and Kelly have been mastering for years on account of the fact that they have hidden their singing/songwriting talents from everyone!!  I should have known something was up when they moved to Nashville for "school"....

Here is a poorly lit video of Brian and Kelly singing an original tune together.  Is there anything they don't do?


video

Times Out (Again)


Don't be jealous but I recently did a big makeover in part of my kitchen.  
Just wanted to show everyone the before and after pictures.  
Humblebrag? Nope, just straight up bragging.








It's everything I ever wanted in a kitchen.  I absolutely love it!!  Why did I wait so long??

Chapter Two

Chapter Two: The JennyEllen Has Landed


Summary


The now-fiance of Dave, a Ms. JennyEllen Reynolds of Virginia, arrived on Christmas Eve morning, immediately wooing us all with one dozen cupcakes from the world-famous Georgetown Cupcake in Washington DC. Over the next 4 days she would demonstrate to everyone her beauty, great sense of humor, warmth and talent for choosing the perfect gifts (she got me Grumpy Cat stuffs!) Which lead us to have her DNA tested to prove that she was not already, in fact, a Bingham. Happily, she was not, so now she can be.












Commentary
Cindy has seen every episode available on Netflix of "DC Cupcake", which is the reality show chronicling the day to day adventures of Georgetown Cupcake, so when JennyEllen brought her some of the famous treats, well, she immediately sealed her fate as one of Cindy's favorite people of all time.  All of us had talked to JennyEllen over Facebook, texts or Skype, but this was the first time to meet her in person.  She is a catch.  Marry her, Dave. Marry her now!


Oh, Jacob. Sigh.




Glossary

'Roger that'- phrase used by cool people and also a totally hip shirt worn by even cooler people (given to them by the coolest of people)