Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Coolest Way To Kill A Fly

A friend of a friend of a friend of an enemy of an acquaintance shared this video on Facebook.  I just might need to order one of these.  But then again maybe not because I don't really know how to set up my camera in slow motion to record all the fly deaths with sound effects, which is pretty much the most appealing thing about this product.  But still, everyone can enjoy some good old American ingenuity. Watch and enjoy!

Friday, July 18, 2014

Knowledge is Power

Six Things I learned this week:

1. Cindy is actually pretty good at ping pong
2. The Great Mouse Detective is kind of a sucky movie
3. Going scalloping has officially been added to my bucket list
4. Wedding receptions should never, ever be more than three hours long
5. It's impossible to frown while playing air hockey
6. If you need Luke to put shoes and socks on, you have to get him at least two hours notice

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Why We Aren't Taking A Summer Vacation This Year

Sure, the World Cup was going on, and yes, I got shot down by my boss for the week I tried to take off, but I guess that ultimately, the real reason we aren't going on a summer vacation this year is because of this:

It was finally time to trim the trees.  
And give away half of our life savings.

My advice to anyone reading this: Don't buy a house with trees.  Indeed they are shady, lovely, of good report and yes, sometimes even praiseworthy, but do not seek after these things.  They are dirty, expensive and apparently, full of beetles.  Aesthetically, I was sad to see them go, but I can't even believe how much LESS raking we are going to have to do this fall.

After the first tree was trimmed, Luke ran out to see it and said, "Holy cow you can see the sky and it looks like winter!"  It was a cool 89 degrees, so it did feel like winter just a bit.

Seems appropriate that this final "after" picture was taken on a rare day when the rain lasted all day long.  Definitely makes it look like the tree is now sad and humiliated. 
But don't fall for his act.  He's feeling light as a feather!

And speaking of awesome things in my yard, the pineapples are coming along nicely...

Only four more months until they are ready...Seriously, let's move it along, pineapples!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

So Long, Brazil

It's over, folks!  The World Cup has officially come to an end.  While some people might be happy about this (*cough*Molly*cough*), I am a little sad.  And not just because I picked Brazil to win it all and they turned out to be only slightly better than the Harlem Globetrotters.  It's mostly because it gave us something free to do almost every day for about four weeks, and well, now what are we supposed to do?  But there were highs! There were lows! There were thrills, chills, missed shots, moments of glory, choking, dives, flying headers, snorkeling raccoons- it had everything!  So in the name of posterity, I present you with:

My Top Ten Moments of World Cup 2014
(But not necessarily in the complete and total correct order because I 
really couldn't rank these if I absolutely had to)

10. Spain's shocking early exit
9. The Suarez bite
8. Chile and Costa Rica playing the part of the little engine that could
7. National anthems sung with such gusto!
6. Debating the best goal of the tournament...
(My list goes 1. Cahill 2. Van Persie 3. James Rodriguez 4. Jermaine Jones 5. Messi)
5. Coach Sabella and his fainting episode of glory
4. The vertebrae heard round the world  (Are you tell me Neymar was actually injured?!)
3. The Men in Blazers post game panic room reports
2. John Brooks' goal
1. Brazil's defensive implosion of the century versus Germany

Honorable mentions: Miguel Herrera's heart on his sleeve, James Rodriguez's gigantic bug on his sleeve and very, very, very, VERY sad Brazilians.

Wait, were you thinking that was going to be one of my usual hilarious top ten lists?  No, that was a real list of real moments.  Here is one of my usual hilarious top ten lists:


10.  Iniesta was in the process of refinancing his mortgage during the game versus Chile
9.  The coach of Algeria and the coach of Costa Rica have the same sized hands
8.  During training camp Fred tried three different shampoos before deciding to just keep using Prell
7.  John Brooks dreamed he scored the game-winning goal; Van Persie had a dream he worked at a Save-a-lot and everyone paid him in baby carrots
6.  The Brazuca ball by Adidas was originally supposed to be red, white, black, green and fuschia and not red, white, black, green and orange
5.  Bob Ley is Alexi Lalas' life insurance agent
4. At the beginning of the tournament Julian Green bought 4 postcard stamps, but by the end he had only used 3!
3. Manaus is home to a 4 pound cricket named Phil
2. Through the entire group stage, Chicharito's cell phone was never more than halfway charged 
1.  44% of this year's World Cup referees don't like sour cream

Thursday, July 10, 2014

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Piles

Really quick I just had to share a Pinterest tip that has actually improved my life in the real world. Let's face it, there are a ton of really stupid ideas on Pinterest.  (Inflating balloons with air from a water bottle filled with vinegar and baking soda, anyone? Yeah, that is way easier than using my mouth.) But every once in a while you find something that is actually really useful. (Okay, magnetic strip in the vanity drawer that holds all your bobbie pins, you win.)  But here is one tip I think we all can use. I have been very overwhelmed lately by the amount of sentimental clutter that I have. (Oddly enough, my latest freak out came right after Jacob watched an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive. But I digress...) I am a sentimental weirdo and that makes it very hard for me to throw certain things away. Ever. Things like birthday cards, notes from the kids, school work, report cards, Christmas photo cards, etc.  The guilt I have about throwing things away is ridiculous. So I was researching how other guilty people deal with this issue and wouldn't you know that if I just take a picture of it, I can throw it away???  No, no, my friend, not scan it.  That is WAY too much work.  I just snap a digital photo of said clutter, put it on my external hard drive in a big file called "Sentimental Journey," and voila! The clutter is gone and I don't have to keep finding a new home every other day for the letter to Santa from Cindy when she was 4. I just can't stand how easy it is! You're welcome, you're welcome and you're welcome.

Thank you note from Grandma Donna Bingham, circa 2008

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Six Things I learned This Week

1. I suck at patching drywall
2. While obviously very contrived and totally scripted, Duck Dynasty is hugely entertaining
3. Chris Wondolowski will never sleep well again for the rest of his life
4. Luke doesn't wear "shirts"; he wears "napkins with sleeves"
5. As long as we own a generator, hurricanes will be magically repelled from Florida
6. Never ask a rhetorical question in Senior Primary

Friday, July 4, 2014

Proud to Be An American (Outlaw)


Happy Fourth of July!  
And don't forget there are games at 12 and 4. 
(Which leaves plenty of time for blowing stuff up :)

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

So Yesterday

I'm still in a post US elimination fog from the game yesterday, but while I sort out my feelings and try to figure out what to do with myself for the next two days, here is a nice side by side for posterity.

I like how Luke appears to be almost the same size as he was four years ago while Cindy has turned into a college student.  I can't believe how fast the time goes by!  Which means the US run to the final four in the 2018 World Cup will be here before you know it! Bring it on.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Is it just me? (World Cup Edition)

For those not following the World Cup, what are you crazy? Are you insane?  The past two days have had two penalty kick shootouts and a come from behind win in the 88th minute. There is no excuse, people!  You need to start watching.  And as I watch the games I have noticed that here are quite a few players and coaches running around down in Brazil that have evil twins.  Don't believe me?  Take a gander at these World Cup Lookalikes and see for yourself.  

***Images courtesy of Google.  I own nothing!!! 

France's Karim Benzema and Shia LeBeouf

karim benzema
Image credit

US star Aron Johannsson and Kevin Bacon


Spain's Sergio Ramos and a young Val Kilmer

I have not seen this comparison on any other World Cup site, but come on, they are practically identical twins!

Val Kilmer

French forward Olivier Giroud and James Roday

He is my new favorite World Cup player ever.   Viva France!

Spain's Xavi and Robert Downey Jr.

(For the record, how does this obvious resemblance NOT make a single internet list of World Cup Celebrity lookalikes??  Inconceivable!)

Commentator Michael Ballack and Matt Damon

Brazilian footballer David Luiz and Sideshow Bob

Spain's coach Vincent Del Bosque and Mr. Potato Head

Ghana forward John Boye and the Bride of Frankenstein

And speaking of Frankenstein,  Uruguay's Edinson Cavani anyone? 

And just to keep running with this theme....

Mesut Ozil and Igor


Shrek and Wayne Rooney


Portugal's Raul Meireles and Street Fighter's Zangief

Cameroon's Benoit Assou Ekotto and Crab Man from My Name is Earl (Eddie Steeples)

And finally....


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Look, it's Kevin!

I know, I know, how could I not be posting a meme about Luis Suarez of Uruguay biting someone (FOR THE THIRD TIME) during a game?  Mostly because I don't have enough free storage from Blogger to fit them all in here.  Instead I will share just one simple World Cup meme that completely and totally nailed it:

And now I think of this every time Brazil plays....