Sunday, December 14, 2014

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, Night!

Luke had a pretty big night last night at our ward Christmas party.  First, he let us do this to him:

Well, it's only 12/13/14 once, so go big or go home, that's what Luke always says.  

And secondly, he got to talk to Santa for the very first time in his entire life.  He waited through the long line to make sure to ask for Earth to Echo, a soccer goal and Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare on the Xbox.  Santa has a good feeling about the last two, but he's just not feeling that first one.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Five Things I Learned This Week

1.  The next time I have to work on a Monday is the day I will submit my resignation.
2.  Cindy already knows what she is going to say if she is the first person to walk on Mars. (Well, you just never know, am I right?)
3.  Jacob plays it cool like he doesn't really care about the advent calendar, but deep down he wants to destroy us all.
4.  Luke does not want to play in that basketball league after all. Surprise!
5.  I cannot (and will not) resist vanilla Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes.

Please put this in my stocking

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Four Down, Infinity to Go

Seeing as how I have just a little less than two months before Spring soccer starts, I thought I should probably get these last soccer pictures up on the blog before they are lost forever.  Did I mention my kids are registered for a short basketball league during that time off?  I am insane.  It's almost like I want to live in my car.

See you in seven weeks, soccer!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

You Thought I Forgot, Didn't You Squidward?

Never fear!  Even though it is already December 4th, I have finally finished compiling pictures of the strange donations from this year's Polk County Thanksgiving Food Drive.  A little late, but worth the wait.  Without further ado...

Up first is this unassuming box of Tuna Helper.  I myself am a fan.  I grew up eating Tuna Helper. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please).  

But as it turns out, this box was only good until March.  OF 2006!!  That means that this helper expired almost 9 years ago, which means that it was probably made about 10 to 11 YEARS AGO!!! (Just for the record, in 2006, George Bush was president, The Nintendo Wii came out and Barry Bonds passed Babe Ruth for most home runs).  So in other words, this Helper is PO.  Pre-Obama.  Tell me about the good times, Helper! Sniff, sniff!

Now, I actually Googled "eat expired Tuna Helper" and found an online forum where a man was asking "Should I eat Tuna Helper that is 42 months past the code date?" (As if that is even a question.) And because we all know that the best part of anything on the Internet is the comments section, here are the best replies to that query:

"It's not real food, do it."

"No you wont die...that's a best buy date not a death by date."

"It's not like it will taste worse."

"People actually eat tuna helper even if it isn't passed it's due date?"

"I have eaten 7 year old chicken from my freezer before and i lived."

"Tuna Helper is perishable?"

"I only eat fresh picked, locally sourced Tuna Helper from my local farmer's co-op."

"You can eat the 2007 Tuna Helper, but I prefer the rather more subtle, reserved and quietly elegant 2004, a vintage that is likely to remain ever under-rated, thanks to that which followed. IMO, the 2005 vintage is, without any doubt in my mind, one of the greatest Tuna Helper vintages of recent decades."

So it's vintage??  Joke's on us. Suckers!  (And I may or may not have been the writer of the chicken comment.)

And speaking of expiration dates, pay no attention to the bottom of this Grits container.  It is absolutely NOT past the best by date.  

This year's award for "I'm not even sure what this is supposed to be" goes to...this! 
Can of....something!

I know it has fiber, protein, probiotics and possibly Scurvy

You know what goes good with Thanksgiving dinner?  Grilled Parisian mini toasts.  I know, I know, I took the words right out of your mouth.  I mean, your bouche.

Here we have box of vegetarian burger mix.  Right now you are thinking, "That probably sucks!" But I did a little research and right on the front of the box it clearly says it is "Fantastic" so you are WAY off.  

Is anyone else disturbed by the brand name "ABC" on food? Horrible marketing mistake in my opinion.  Oh wait, that's not the official name, that was just actually describing what was in the jar! I get it! Never mind.  

Okay, every year people donate pet food.  No big deal.  It's actually an item that goes pretty quick when the families that come in are allowed to choose extras from the "shopping table".  But this year I am thinking that this food was not actually meant for a house cat.  Picture of mountain lion on the front: check.  Made of "roasted venison and smoked salmon:" check.  Grain free: check. Described as "Rocky Mountain feline formula:" check.  Umm, I'm pretty sure no one around here is feeding an actual Rocky Mountain feline.  Unless you count that huge Puma that strolls my neighborhood right around New Year's...

"Does this Food Drive help less fortunate elves?"
"Yes, it does."
"Perfect, I will donate that coffee I have been saving..."

This year's award for "Oh, I thought this was the garbage" or "In case you ever find that food you're looking for, here is some relish to go with it" goes to this little guy right here:

I got hungry on the way to the box. Sorry.  

If a group of little kids didn't put every single one of these in their mouth's at the same time and make a giant gum cud, I will be so disappointed.

Finally, here is the most unique and exotic item we received:  

Some digging around the internet shows that these little guys:

a. go for about 6 bucks a can
b. "Make an excellent stocking stuffer"
c.  taste like cat food according to one Amazon reviewer 
d.  will make you the most popular host in town, and finally
e.  prove that whenever I see a lobster, I can't not think of these and how bad I want them.  Please send a pair to the Sweeneyville home box office at PO Box 4421, Sewickley, PA 15143.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

A Luke Quickie

The other day I showed Cindy how to start her own laundry.  Apparently she liked pouring the liquid detergent in the machine and turning the buttons because in the car yesterday she told me that she had put more clothes in the washer.  I was surprised by her initiative and Cindy smiled and said, "I guess I just really like doing laundry!"  And then from the backseat Luke said, "Well, you would have made a great Pilgrim." Cindy and I started laughing and Luke replied, "What? Pilgrims washed a lot of clothes."  Yes. Yes they did.  But I can assure you without reservation that Cindy most certainly would NOT have made a great Pilgrim.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Leak Friday

I don't normally feel the obligation to get my Christmas tree up on the day after Thanksgiving, but I decided it worked well for the kids to do this:

While we were dealing with this:

Good ol' leaking shower head behind the tile in our bathroom! We finally discovered the source of the water on Friday, even though judging by the water damage to our closet and Cindy's, it had  been leaking for a very long time :{  I guess my itch for a bathroom makeover is about to be scratched! It could have been so much worse- we are so thankful we can take care of this all on our own.  Tender mercies, yet again.  

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Turkey Trot and 17 Pounds of Food

Another year, another Thanksgiving day where my crazy dad agreed to come with me to my morning 5K.  I am not sure why he continues to wake up so early on a Holiday just to watch me slowly run around Lake Wales. I guess the promise of an egg McMuffin is just that powerful.  This year we were sans Luke, who opted to go with Jacob to our ward's Turkey Bowl.  But like last year, it was cold! I didn't have to run with gloves and a hat, however, I was wearing a shirt which made me able to be seen from space, so hopefully the guys on the ISS had their sunglasses on.  

I stole my pictures from the official race Facebook page and I have to say these pictures accurately capture my racing technique.  

Beast mode for the first 20 minutes....

...Almost dead by the finish line.

My official age group results are below:  

Pam needs to calm down and act like a normal ancient 38 year old

I was thrilled with my run!  To be honest, I have not run that close to 26 flat in about 3 years.  I guess running twice a week in the dark all summer is finally paying off. 

And after all that hard work, it was time to head over to Chris and Molly's house to get the caloric disaster underway!  These pants weren't going to tighten themselves....

After consuming about 7 pounds of appetizers (you know, the food before the food?), it was time to "muscle through" our dinner.  Honestly, I didn't find it too hard, I mean, the food was pretty fantastic.  And we were eating off chargers, people!  We're so fancy. You already know.  

Kids table was pretty fancy as well!

Okay, some of us had a harder time "muscling through" the meal than others, *cough*ChrisandMolly*cough*, in fact, Chris, as usual, got the meat sweats.  

Don't cry for him Argentina, he recovered just fine :)

The rest of the night was spent living this meme over and over and over...

Dory from Nemo  (5 second memory) meme

Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays around.  
Take time to think even more about how blessed you are?

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Mrs. Sweeney, In the Living Room, With a Laptop

With Black Friday and Christmas fast approaching I have been scouring the Internet for good deals on presents for the kids.  The other day a great deal came up for the board game Clue.  I remember having that game as a kid and really liking it but I was not sure if Cindy would be interested in it if I bought it for her.  I casually asked her, "Hey, have you ever played the game Clue before?"  She looked confused and said, "I have never even heard of that game."  I was kind of shocked and said, "Really? You have never even heard of it?"  "Nope. What is it?"  I explained, "It's this game where you are trying to find out who killed someone, and in what room and with what weapon."  Cindy was now even more confused and looked at me kind of horrified and said, "This is game for kids about murder?" And then I was a little confused and slowly said, "Well,.......yeah......when you say it like that it sounds kinda....creepy...." But I still bought it anyway. Unless you are reading this, Cindy, in which case I most certainly did NOT buy that horrifying thing and I bought you "Great Female Inventors underwear" instead.

Monday, November 24, 2014

How You Know It's November

Piano lessons look like this:

Cindy starts growing her mustache:

We legitimately get to do this again:

(Have a fire, not endure Cindy's disdain for picture taking.  That knows no month, my friends.)

Luke gets another one of these:

(I mean the trophy, not the Hitler mustache.)

And best of all, we get to help with this:

Food drive 2014!  Weird donations yet again! Film at 11...

Friday, November 21, 2014

Blog Post of A Doting Mom

Cindy got a leettle taste of the glory this week when she was part of a small panel discussion that reviewed the latest Diary of A Wimpy Kid book, and then was consequently featured in a newspaper article. 

Schooling the boys
We all love the Wimpy Kid books here in Sweeneyville.  Personally, this latest book is not my favorite, but it is still entertaining and worth the read.  And for the record, I am not sure I was on the same family vacation Cindy mentions at the end of the article...

You like how I hacked that article all up into a million pieces and different sizes for you using the Google snipping tool? Don't hate for me this, but I really think it's time I took it to the next level with my ability to do things sufficiently, but incorrectly.  In fact...

 PDF converters are a lie, Stephen!