Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Things I Learned Over The Past Two Weeks

I just finished up a two week assignment substitute teaching 3rd grade and it was a long two weeks. Actually. the kids were not too bad and I think that particular age has a lot of positives, but by the end I was kind of glad to move on.  The other five 3rd grade teachers asked for my business card on the last day, which made me feel pretty good :) And also very smart that I actually had business cards to give them :)

I will now once again add to my growing list of things I have learned since substitute teaching:

1. Tying teacher salaries to student performance is the single WORST idea in the history of mankind.

obama laughing  - And then i said teacher salaries  will be tied to student test scores

*Disclaimer:  Did Obama really say this?  Did he really come up with this idea?  I don't really know.  But since he is a total moron, this meme completely makes sense.  As you were.

2. The official noise of third grade is a short, whiny "Aww!" that follows after every time you say no to something.  Which is like 47 times a day.

3. Complete the analogy:
                Flame is to moth as  _______ is to third graders.

Consequences Toy Story - cap erasers. Cap erasers everywhere.

4. Kids are so very trusting.  It's a good thing I am a normal, decent human being.

evil raccoon - yes, i tallied your hero bucks corrrectly

5. Being a good reader is the key to happiness and success in ALL areas of schooling. Forever. The end.

Success Kid - parents read to me every night while growing up

6.  There is an exponential inverse relationship between the number of lunches brought from home and the day that the cafeteria serves fish nuggets.

WAT-Seal - what's wrong with fish?

7.  Never let the kids know when you completely staple your finger while collecting homework.  Just pry out the staple and cover it with one of those brown sandpaper paper towels and act like nothing happened.  And then maybe spend the rest of the day wondering if you need a tetanus shot.

8.  The real reason kids beg and plead to take the attendance to the office:

9.  Being a kid is dangerous.  There are headaches, earrings that bother you, "broken" ankles, scraped palms, splinters, loose teeth that fall out during math class, tripping over your desk, and "not being able to feel your leg." And that's just in one day.

10.  Never trust 90% of what you hear.

Maury Bishop - you said the teacher lets you sit anywhere the seating chart determined that was a lie

Monday, October 5, 2015

A Luke Quickie

Tonight Luke was microwaving a hot dog and as he lifted the plate up to put it in the microwave, the hot dog slid off the plate and landed on the kitchen floor.  He looked alarmed as he quickly retrieved it and then he sheepishly asked me, "Five second rule?"  I chuckled and agreed with him that it was probably okay to go ahead with the hot dog in this case.  Then he said, "I will just clean it off a little..." and then he rolled it up into his shirt.  There was no more chuckling.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

So Far, So Good

We are now three games into the soccer season and Cindy has actually had a really good experience thus far in returning to the game.  She has not even said the phrase "I hate soccer" yet!  Miracles still happen in our day, people.

Don't worry, even though Luke's game started at noon, we were still able to listen to General Conference.  Technology: The best thing to happen to the world besides Grumpy Cat.

Still deciding if my Fire phone camera really sucks or not.  The pictures I got today make me think it might be tolerable.  (Side note: The phone came with a year of Prime on Amazon and I side loaded the Google Play store, so pretty much the phone is amazing and lightning fast.  It was a steal at $130. Just in case you were wondering...)

Soccer cj:
Look at that inside of the foot action! Dad is so proud. 

Jacob got promoted to the assistant over coaching on the recreational side for Lakeland Football Club. Which, to the kids only means one thing: Keys to the golf cart!!

He's so handsome :)

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Date Night

Jacob is a sod robot.  Just look at those eyes.
Some go to the movies, some go out to dinner.  Our date night is laying three pallets of sod.  In the pouring rain.  At 9:00 on Friday night.  Which only proves we will do anything to avoid having to do yard work in the Florida sun.  And it was totally worth it.  Not only did our new lawn get to take advantage of all that free water raining down, but I also got in a killer workout for my forearms and back. (The bad news is I think I re-tweaked my foot during all the walking back and forth, so my return to running is going to be cut even closer to my Ragnar run. Ugh.)  Now if we could just get some sort of tropical storm to develop and swing by all next week, that would be great.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Bring It On

Forgot to mention that week 2 of NFL action was pretty sweet!  But it does make you wonder...

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A Luke Quickie

Today I was getting upset with Luke for not helping to find my phone.  I told the kids I would jump on the trampoline with them as soon as I found it, so I was irritated by his lack of willingness to pitch in.  He was basically just standing there watching me look for it so I said, "Luke, you aren't even doing anything!!"  And then he immediately said, "Yes, I am."  And then in his best robot voice he craned his neck back and forth slowly and said, "Scanning...Scanning..."  Snappy comeback protocol activated.

Monday, September 21, 2015

A Luke Quickie

Last night during FHE Jacob was giving the kids an inspirational pep talk about being the best.  He made the analogy that our family is by far, his favorite "team" to coach.  We are Team Sweeney.  He then declared himself the coach and me the team manager.  Then Cindy declared herself the "star player" and laughed as she told Luke that he was the "audience watching the game."  Luke was incredibly offended at this and shot back very matter-of-factly, "No, I'm not, I'm the mascot!!" BURN!!

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Public Service Announcement

Lifting weights leads to big muscles.  
Big muscles leads to incredible upper body strength.  
Incredible upper body strength leads to putting holes in the ceiling 
when merely trying to kill a (gigantic) spider with a broom.

Well, at least it wasn't ME trying to kill it...

Wednesday, September 16, 2015


In your hometown, your car gets stopped by trains.  In my hometown, your car gets stopped by swans.   

I will nap....HERE.  

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

A Brian Quickie

Little brother Brian called me yesterday to chat.  He is always so good at making time to call me. (To be fair, Dave and I text a lot and use Facebook most days to keep in touch.  Chris, on the other hand: total failure, you should be ashamed.)  When I asked Brian what he was doing for Family Home Evening,  he said, "Tonight we are going on a family bike ride with another family in the ward and it is going to be adorable."  Only if it's a bicycle built for three.