Tuesday, January 31, 2012

It Only Happens Once a Year


10. Wrestling an alpaca
9. Forging a very large check
8. Avoiding the very strong urge to buy professional carpet skates
7. Talking on Skype with my long-lost identical twin sister, Urmgard
6. Winning the karaoke contest at my local Applebee's
5. Spending quality time with my Obama voodoo doll (oh wait, I do that every day, nevermind)
4. Fundraising for my trip to the US Colony on the Moon in 2020
3. Searching with OJ for the real killer
2. Eating my weight in Necco Wafers
1. Curling up in the fetal position on the couch with a blanket and wishing I were dead because I caught Cindy and Luke's stomach bug...

Monday, January 30, 2012

It's only 6 days late...

My mom just got put on a new prescription to continue to help the neuropathy in her hands to go away. It is called Lyrica, and when she read the label and accompanying information, there were over 20 different listed side effects. I don't want to freak you out, Mom, but I did a little research and there are actually a few more that you need to watch out for...


11. Tingling eyelashes
10. Itchy barnacles
9. Spontaneous ventriloquism
8. Loss of interest in breeding woodchucks
7. Tears that taste like gravy
6. Thoughts of tax evasion
5. Loss of touch with reality, illusions of grandeur and irrational feelings of superiority (Oh, wait, those are side effects of being elected president with zero qualifications. Oops!)
4. Trouble remembering the winner of American Idol for seasons 2,3,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. (Oh, wait, that's a side effect of being a human being)
3. Heightened sense of when the garbage man will come
2. Poor judgement, followed by voting Democrat
1. Irregular smiling

Saturday, January 28, 2012

To Disney and Beyond!

I normally don't get my pictures up so quickly, but I find myself here at the computer with some free time this morning, so why not use it wisely? Yesterday was absolutely great! We went to Disney with DeAnne to meet up with cousin Kate and Aunt Teresa. The weather was rainy for only about 15 minutes and then it was cool and cloudy the rest of the day- which kept the crowds low and our efficiency high. I would say we didn't wait more than 15 minutes for anything. Which is the only way to do Disney. No long lines and ridiculous heat for me. And can I say how much I just love Kate and Teresa? Well, I am going to, no matter what your answer is. They are so fun to talk to and spend time with. I really, really wish they lived closer to us :( But unfortunately they are probably on their way to the airport right now to head back to Utah. (My kids hate Utah, by the way. It is an evil, evil place where everyone they love lives or moves to, leaving them behind.)

A few pictures...

I have learned that Luke is a fan of "meeting" characters as long as he doesn't have to talk to them or interact with them a great deal. Really he just likes observing them secretly from close distances. This photo took a lot of guts.

These three LOVED to spin :) The adults, not so much...

Luke loved the carousel.

Teresa had a death wish and agreed to go driving with Cindy. She barely survived...

Captured by Zurg! Luke LOVED the ride Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin. He rode it 3 times and felt just like Dad playing Call of Duty :)

Even though it is about 30 days off, this picture totally counts as my annual picture with Cindy in front of Cinderella's castle. Can't wait to go back this December when the New Fantasyland is open. Here are some pictures that show what is coming if you care to know.

Cindy and Kate on "People World." I mean, It's a Small World.

Finally, at the end of the night, Cindy managed to ride Cinderella's horse on the carousel. All was right with the world.

Hard to believe how much she's grown already...

We managed to last all the way to 8pm for the fireworks show, which never disappoints. We also did a few new things this time - the Buzz Lightyear ride, the Jungle Cruise (which I have not done since I was about 8), Peter Pan's Magic Flight, (which Luke talked about almost the whole day) and when the kids stopped at a food cart and were offered a snack of their choosing, Cindy chose an orange. I am still confused. Cindy had obviously been kidnapped and replaced by some other child. Not to say that we still didn't have funnel cake, cinnamon sugar almonds, cookies, chocolate coins, and waffles with nutella and fruit- but still, an orange?

Overall, it was such a great day together. The kids and I loved every minute of it. Now I just have to convince Jason and Teresa to move here. Which might not be too hard of a sell right now because Lakeland's high temp today is 75 and Salt Lake's is 22. Just think about it, okay Teresa? :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

House of Mouse

The kids and I are headed to Disney today - yahoo! What better way to cap off a week of throwing up and missing school than by missing some more school to go play with your cousins! Luke is apparently most excited about (and I quote): "That one ride where you see all those fake toys singing and dancing and playing instruments." Cindy told him the correct name of that ride (duh), which is called "People World." See? We don't really go there near enough as we should. Anyway, I am still working on that Top Ten list! I won't let the week pass without making this one up. So as I walk around Magic Kingdom my little brain will still be in Sweeneyville :)

P.S. Extra, Extra! Read all about it!! Has my marathoner extraordinaire sister-in-law Linnley FINALLY convinced me to train for a Half Marathon??? It's a 100% definite, possible, totally imaginably, weather permitting maybe! I never thought I could make such a hard and fast decision. Seriously, I am mulling it over....someone stop me!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Once Again

Obviously the top ten didn't materialize this week. Monday was a day off for the kids and it completely threw me off. Plus, both my kids have been throwing up :( I am trying to stay positive in all this, you know, as I wipe down the bathroom walls, floor, tub, ceiling, shower curtain, vanity, mirror....okay, that's probably exaggerating just a bit, but I will focus on the fact that even when sick, my kids are totally non-dramatic. They don't whine, they don't moan and groan or even really cry. Their drama level is about a zero when it comes to puking. Both my children just throw up, blow their noses and then move on with life. It's quite remarkable. They obviously get that from their mother :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

I think something is wrong with Cindy's 20 Questions App on her iPod. Usually that game is eerily accurate and gets most everything right, however, the other day we told it to guess the animal we were thinking of and these are the questions it asked us (roughly in this order):

Is it a carnivore?

Is it full of water?

Is it hunted?

Does it break when you drop it?

Is it made of metal?

Does it have horns?

I know that iPods are from the future, so I am dying to know the kind of animals it was ruling out when it asked these questions. I guess it was just making sure we weren't thinking of the the Fragile 4-Horned Hydra Yeti?? AWESOME!

Monday, January 23, 2012


Yesterday we asked the kids what we should do for Family Home Evening. Cindy immediately suggested "We need to learn how to do the splits." She's got us there, we haven't covered that one yet.

Then later on while having our Family Home Evening about the 10 Commandments, we were trying to nicely explain what "adultery" was. That lead to Cindy making a comment about how some parents get divorced. Jacob told her that was not ever going to happen to us and then Cindy said, "Besides, you guys are a great couple!" Once again, you can't argue with her!

Yesterday in the hallway at church, I asked Luke's new primary teacher, Brother Carter, how Luke was doing in class. He just smiled a big grin and said, "I tell you what, don't ever leave him lying around because I am gonna steal him :)" I thought that was so cute, so at dinner yesterday I told Luke what Brother Carter had said. Luke's expression was the most perfect blend of smiling and sheer horror that I had ever seen.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I Finally Found The Love of a Lifetime

This one is kind of a weird one, but last year some time I heard my friend Lisa McKendrick telling me about a magical Coke machine at Firehouse Subs. Supposedly they had all kinds of ways to make your Coke with different flavors and add-ins and most of the options were diet and caffeine free! Did you read that slow enough to understand what she was saying?!?!?!? That's like finding a dress that's in your size and on sale, or finding a Republican South Carolina resident who is a registered voter and not completely ignorant- it's nearly impossible! But ever since then I have been saying I was going to go and check it out, so FINALLY the family and I went to make our pilgrimage. (Plus, I had never before eaten at a Firehouse Subs in my life, so the reason to go was really two-fold.)

Anyway, here is shot of Cindy at the magical carbonating kiosk of fantasticalness.

(♪ choirs of angels singing ♪♪♪)

It's a touchscreen kiosk that dispenses ice and then whatever flavor of whatever soda you want. Seriously, this is as close to the replicator in Star Trek as I have ever been. It was a special moment. Cherry Sprite Zero? Yes ma'am! Vanilla Caffeine Free Diet Coke with a hint of lime? Roger that! Diet Orange Fanta with a touch of peaches n' liver? Oh wait, they didn't actually have that, but you get the idea. If I had this in my kitchen I would never leave the house. Totally worth the trip! My cheesesteak sub was pretty good, but I was not blown away. Jacob's pastrami sub impressed him and stuffed him at the same time. But considering that he covered that (and absolutely everything he eats) with hot sauce anyway, it was bound to make him happy. And as for the kids - they were just there for the Cheetos :)

Friday, January 20, 2012

Well Done

I can't believe it but another soccer season came to a close last night. McKeel played well, but unfortunately it just wasn't enough :( They lost in the second round of districts, 4-2. This season was a tough one for the team! They moved up a classification and essentially had to start running with the big dogs. And they kept up! Their schedule was rigorous; they had practice or a game every single day, they played Saturdays, they played indoor tournaments, they ran 5Ks - it was a lot of work. I'm definitely proud of all of them, win or lose. It's hard to share your husband with 18 teenage girls for almost half the year, but I wouldn't do it for anyone else but them. They really are a great group of girls and they treat Jacob with tremendous respect and kindness. And he is an excellent coach! I am not quite sure he grasps how talented he is and what he means to that program. And despite the season ending only last night, visions of seasons to come already dance in Jacob's head. The next few years should be quite a ride. Even I'm a little excited! Wha??? The one thing I am NOT excited about however, is the once again inevitable consequence of the soccer season being over; now we have to start doing yard work again. Crap.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mostly for Mom and Dad

I put this on my Facebook page, but I have to make sure you don't miss out on seeing this:

I need that AT-AT get up for Cucuface...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A Little Late, But Worth The Wait


11. Answering prayers
10. Casting the evil spirits out of Ben Roethlisberger
9. FINALLY getting some good use out of that Bedazzler
8. Traveling to Egypt to find his Hebrew Mother
7. So much wine to make, so little time...
6. Putting the finishing touches on that cancer vaccine he's been working on
5. Take several long vacations in Hawaii, not do a lick of real work, golf every day, and spend time partying with Hollywood stars. Oh wait, that's what Obama will be doing in Tim's off season, sorry for the mix up.
4. Hearing Ray Lewis' confessions
3. Doing a lot of fishing so he can donate all the coins to an orphanage
2. Hanging around the pool and letting the Ravens bring him stuff to eat
1. Creating a new species of dolphin

And thanks to my dad who pretty much wrote this entire list. In 5 minutes. It's a thing of beauty :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Why the Top Ten Will Be Delayed:

Chapter 2, Stage 2, Level 53 to be exact. There isn't even a tutorial on the Internet!!! Has the world gone mad? Do I have to figure things out for myself??? This level is impossible!! It's sucking the life out of me, turning me into some sort of crazed stupid iPod......zombie. Hey, wait a minute...

Monday, January 16, 2012

By the Power of Greyskull!

Guess who FINALLY got their very own house key after losing their only copy over 4 years ago?

(photo by Luke :)

This girl! And I even upgraded to the $3 girly designy kind of key with a lovely flower pattern. Maybe I will even start using my front door again!! Nah, that's crazy talk. We all know that deep down I liked releasing my inner cat burglar by climbing through the window...

And Luke would like you to know he just built "the Temple" out of his Jenga blocks :)

His modeling skills are really getting good! So Bingham-esque!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Does Gitmo Get NPR?

I think there are only a few things in this world that Jacob and I fundamentally disagree on. You know, things like who was the better Darrin on Bewitched, whether hot sauce should exist or more importantly whether or not the show Car Talk on NPR with Click and Clack is funny. Jacob loves the show and finds it incredibly entertaining. I, on the other hand, completely loathe those two goofballs and find their show excruciating to have to listen to. It's just wretched. Here are my exact beefs with the show:

1. The show is about cars. BO-RING! Listening to people describe a weird wobble in their '88 Buick or how gas randomly pours out of the bottom of their truck at red lights is just not entertaining. It's somewhere on the scale between watching paint dry and reading a chemistry textbook for fun.

2. The hosts, Click and Clack, act like they are hysterical comedians - which they are not. They are mechanics from New England with incredibly thick Northeastern accents that drive me bonkers. Moreover, they usually are only able to answer about 4 calls in an hour because they are yakking so long and laughing at their own jokes that any advice they give takes a millennium to get out. Oy!

3. It's either Click or Clack (actually probably both) that snort when they laugh. Just. Shoot. Me.

Now, the only reason I get subjected to this show is because it comes on on Saturday mornings while driving to Cindy's soccer games. And since I am trapped in the car (with zero viable escape routes) and Jacob knows exactly how much I hate the show, I get to experience something akin to being water boarded for 60 minutes. Good thing the season is almost over. And that I already promised that I would never leave Jacob.

So there you have it - I just had to get that off my chest. And just as a disclaimer: I don't wish any ill will towards anyone who likes the show Car Talk. You are entitled to your opinions. It just completely changes how I feel about you :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Get It?

My friend Donna posted this picture on her Facebook page and I couldn't help but totally agree (and laugh my head off):

They do!!!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Jessica's Diner

I know that as soon as I blog about this topic an enormous kitchen disaster will occur, but I guess I will have to take my chances. Finally after 11 years I have arrived at the point where I can cook most every meal without a recipe. Now, I am not talking about baking things like cakes and breads- not a chance, no way, no how - it will take me infinity to learn to do that, but pretty much anything you could order off a Denny's menu, I can make off the top of my head and have it taste pretty good. Chili, club sandwich, nachos, soups, grilled chicken, all kinds of breakfast deliciousness, hamburgers, meatloaf, tacos, spaghetti, roast, soup, steak, salmon - yep, I pretty much have it all down. So I guess what I'm saying is that 11 years of being married has officially made me a short order cook :) Which is good to know in case the whole professional hip-hop dancer thing never works out.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

So Strangely Awesome

The other day I came across this banner ad for this t-shirt. And now I need an emergency $15. (Go ahead and click to enlarge. You know you want to...)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Have I mentioned Luke is a slow eater?


10. Repaint the kitchen
9. Make a fully functioning replica of the Millennium Falcon completely out of things found in my garage
8. Destroy the economy, create a welfare state and emaciate the US military (Oh wait, that's what Obama can do before Luke finishes one bowl of chicken noodle soup. My mistake.)
7. Watch all 11 Star Trek movies....from outer space
6. Grow a mature bonsai tree from seed
5. Make 3 loaves of Amish Friendship bread
4. Watch a caterpillar hatch from an egg, grow, make a cocoon and then eventually emerge as a butterfly. Twice.
3. Memorize the entire IRS Tax Code in American Sign Language
2. Prestige 4 times in Modern Warfare (Oh wait, that's what Jacob can do before Luke finishes one bowl of chicken noodle soup. Sorry.)
1. Learn to waterski

Monday, January 9, 2012

3 for Thought

3 Things I Have Learned in the Last Month:

1. I own about 500 articles of clothing and only wear about the same 20 things in a given year. My kids own about 2,000 articles of clothing and wear all of them in 2 days.

2. It's not the best idea to have a Family Home Evening about playing with matches, accidentally setting the house on fire and also not talking to strangers that may want to kidnap you, right before your kids go to bed. In hindsight that's probably more of a sunny Saturday morning kind of a topic.

3. Friends don't let friends watch "Zookeeper."

Sunday, January 8, 2012


I have been saying I need to get my own girlie headphones for when I have to DJ dances and I FINALLY bought myself a pair! And I got to try them out last night when I was doing the dance for the Single Adults over in Tampa. Normally I am a basketcase when it comes to DJing dances; even after all these years I still doubt my mad skillz and never really think I am doing that great of a job, but last night I finally felt completely calm and confident like I knew what I was doing. It was such a relief for a change. Better yet is that Cindy came with me to "work" and she was a star! She danced on the stage behind me to every song for over an hour and a half! She was an animal! I have never seen her so uninhibited, it was a revelation to me. She was such a hit at the dance, that finally an older gentleman who was there asked me for the mic so he could do a spotlight on her. I finally yielded to him and he said, "Let's give it up for Cindy!!" which was met with roaring applause. Cindy was so flattered she could barely speak her name and age into the mic when he "interviewed" her. Those single adults are so kind :) I have come to realize they are actually the BEST crowd in the whole church to DJ for. They help set up and take down my equipment, they dance to anything and everything you play, and they are always offering food and snacks. Add that all together and I can actually say that DJing that dance last night was a lot of FUN! Wait, is that how it's supposed to be?

Friday, January 6, 2012

My Brainwashing is Almost Complete

Every morning Jacob and I eat breakfast together and then he goes to work. Of course we tell each other "I love you" before he heads out the door, but this morning he did it like this:

He is coming along so nicely! It was the best morning ever :)

Two Minute Interruption

I purposely don't say a lot about politics on this blog because that isn't what this blog is really about. (This blog is really about nothing, in case you haven't guessed.) But also because you all know my political leanings anyway. And because talking politics can be worse than having your eyes poked out. However, I just can't help but be so baffled by this year's selection of the Republican nominee. I just can't for the life of me understand why we are making an issue of our own candidates instead of making Obama the issue. I completely understand the idea of voting according to your principles, and picking the guy who you see as the most honest and moral, and frankly, as the most conservative, but if the country really is going to heck in a handbasket and the US Constitution and everything we love really is being destroyed by an inexperienced, socialist former community organizer, then isn't our duty to make getting rid of that guy our absolute number one priority? Even despite our personal wishes to select the most perfect conservative that ever walked the earth? If I were to want to vote for only the one conservative person in the whole country that I agreed with on every economic issue and every point of foreign policy and every social policy then I would never get to vote in my entire life. So what should I do? Not vote ever? Let the other guy win because I am too principled? It just doesn't make sense. This election is so important for the sole reason of getting rid of Obama. End of story. It almost doesn't matter who the replacement is because ANYONE is better than that guy! Romney is not conservative enough - I GET IT. Then there's RomneyCare. I understand. Am I in love with Romney? No. But do you know what I am in love with? The idea of getting rid of the real problem in our country; our current president. Let's not be stupid, Republicans. Let's not suffer for four more years because we just couldn't find exactly the right guy that absolutely pleased us in every single way we could possibly imagine. ANYONE is the right guy this year. Particularly the one with the greatest chance of taking down Obama. Or Hillary as the case may be :)

Okay, stepping off the soapbox now and I won't say another word. Unless it is something insulting to Obama. In which case I will say many, many more words.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

A Luke Quickie

Yesterday in the car Luke asked me when Rosa was gonna have babies. To avoid anything but a superficial and magical discussion of how animals have babies, I said to Luke, "Not until she gets married! The baby bunnies can't grow up without a dad, right?" And then I immediately realized that there was a flaw in my explanation that he would probably identify in 5 seconds. But he never said anything after that. Well, finally today in a moment of quiet in the car Luke finally said, "Well, I must not have been born when Annie married that gray cat, because I don't remember her getting married." Yeah, I need to just keep my mouth shut and leave that entire subject up to Jacob. Just like I have planned :)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Me, In Convenient Graph Form

By the way, the temperature where those two lines meet in the middle? About 55...

(and I actually did make this graph all by myself :)

Bring It, 2012!

I am assuming everyone out there has made their list of New Year's Resolutions. I can safely say that people here in Lakeland definitely have. I can tell this by the amount of 'newbies' that were obviously at Lake Hollingsworth Monday trying to exercise and keep their health resolutions for at least one day. They were easy to spot because they walked in pairs, taking up the entire running lane, and when I came running at them, they did not move over for me. At all. Thanks. 'Preciate it. Anyway, I have set all my goals for 2012, and I have so many resolutions, that, in fact, there were magically about ten that didn't make the cut. Imagine that...


10. Volunteer at the DMV
9. Become Obama's golf caddy (walking over 10,000 miles in six months would kill my knees)
8. Beg the Bishop to let me be seminary teacher
7. Get caught up on the past 6 seasons of Toddlers and Tiaras
6. Care about the NBA
5. Step in mystery water while wearing socks 50% more times than I already do
4. Get that Harry Reid tattoo I've been thinking about
3. Finally understand any movie that has to do with time travel (because you aren't supposed to set goals that are impossible)
2. Learn all the words to "American Pie" in Klingon
1. Actually publish my list for Top Ten Tuesday on Tuesdays

Man, this year is gonna be awesome!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


I know what you are thinking, Finally what? Finally another blog post? Finally you changed the look of your blog a little? Finally you are going back to school to get your Master's degree in Puppetry? (It's next year for that one. Patience.) Nope, FINALLY is the theme of this year in Sweeneyville. I have dubbed 2012 "The Year of Finally!" This will be the year that I stop kinda almost doing things I have said I was going to do forever. Some of these 'finallys' are big, most are small, but dangit! These are things that finally need to get done! I already have a sweet list that seems to get longer and longer every day. It could as simple as saying yes, when for 10 years I have been saying no, it could just be going somewhere I have been saying I am going to visit since I was a beehive, it could be a habit I am finally going to form, or it might just be having my husband build me a contraption to fling unsuspecting squirrels around my yard. I'm sorry, but you are simply going to have to suck it up and read this blog for another year to see how this all turns out. That's life in the big city!

And to kick things off, finally! My pictures from vacation set to some ridiculous banjo music. Sorry, but Tennessee was kinda full of hicks, Rita. It just seemed appropriate. And I know that probably only my family can really stomach a 5-minute slide show of my vacation. Although, the end is worth waiting for...