Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanky Thanky Bo Banky

I hope that everyone out there in cyberland had a good Thanksgiving. We spent it with my Mom and Dad and my brother and his family. It was a very nice, relaxing day. Way too much food, way too much sugar, some games, more food, dozing off a couple of times and taking home some awesome leftovers.

So, you may be asking yourself, "I wonder if Jessica did any shopping on Black Friday?" The answer is a resounding "Sort of." I had perused the ads of the Thanksgiving Day newspaper (which I am positivie weighed more than the turkey we ate) and only found two things of any interest to me. One was a singing Barbie doll that Cindy really had wanted ($9.99- Ro from Barbie as the Island Princess) and then a train table for Luke that I was watching out for as a gift for his birthday in April. I woke up pretty early anyway this morning, as the Zicam throat spray I have been using for 3 nights in a row suddenly did not work anymore. I think I have become immune from overusage :( But I decided to head down to Bealls at about 7:30am before the kids woke up- a whopping 3 and a half hours after it opened- and, surprisingly, the store was still standing! I even called my mom and she joined me for a little while. Plenty of elbow room, the line evened moved pretty fast, so overall a pleasant experience for what is supposed to be a crazy day for shopping. I did the get the Barbie doll, but since it is not the one she wants for Christmas, I will stash her away until her Birthday in March. The train table turned out to be a total bust because of the myriad of horrible reviews it got online at Which is fine by me, it gives me over four months to find one on my local craigslist for about half the price.

Anyhow, Thanksgiving does give me time to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for and not surprisingly, most of them are not "things" at all. They are my parents, both sets :) and the fact that I get to live here so close to both of them. My siblings and their wonderful spouses and families. Uncle Brian and Uncle Sean for serving missions and being great examples to my kids. Jacob and my two adorable children. The Gospel, my testimony, and of course not to mention my amazing friends that humor me and my quasi-talent for turning my boring life into a somewhat entertaining blog that people voluntarily read. That last one still really blows my mind... ;)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Rice again?

When Jacob and I got married, we received a rice cooker as one of our gifts. I thought this was a peculiar contraption, I mean, didn't we all already have rice cookers in our kitchen? Weren't they just called saucepans? My mom never had a rice cooker, so I just thought it was weird that they would make an entire appliance dedicated to only cooking rice. Well, now that I have used that rice cooker for over 7 years to make tons of rice, and now that as of last week my rice cooker bit the dust and I have been forced to revert to the saucepan method, I can honestly say, "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY, GIVE ME BACK MY RICE COOKER!!!" I have unsuccessfully attempted to make rice twice without it and both times have produced a very crunchy, disgusting mass of starch. Luckily one of those times it was for the missionaries (for which I apologized profusely, I don't even want to know if they ate it). So what is the deal with rice, anyway? I mean, in the rice cooker it is equal parts water and rice and press the button. I thought that was the same way in the saucepan, but apparently not. I don't even have the bag to instruct me, as all my rice is from the storehouse and has been dumped into a tupperware container in my pantry. The moral of the story: one trick pony appliances are amazing! I am currently working on acquiring the mini frying pan that lets you fry one egg at a time (how did they acquire this technology so soon???) and the As Seen on TV Mushroom Xpress. Yeah, Google it and tell me you don't want one too, okay?

Friday, November 21, 2008

A Favorite Quote

Real fast.....I was listening to Rush Limbaugh today, as I always do on my way home from picking Cindy up from preschool, and he said something that totally made me laugh. Well, let's be honest, he says many, many things that make me laugh every day (calling Barack Obama "Barry" is a personal favorite), but today in particular he had a little gem that I could not stop repeating, mostly because it is so dang true.
So here it is:

"Politics is Show Biz for the Ugly."

I love it. :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thanksgiving Feast

So every year at Cindy's preschool, the Pilgrims and the Indians get together to have their Thanksgving Feast. So after they introduced themselves to each other, by saying "How!" and planted the ceremonial "corn" (which were actually Pepperidge Farm Goldfish) they sang some songs and chowed down. Here are some pictures from this hallowed event...

Her best friend Charlotte was an Indian (3rd from right)
Here come the Pilgrims on the Mayflower to meet the Indians

Let the feast begin!

You never hear about how they ate M & M Cookies at the first Thanksgiving. A little-known fact.

Good Times!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Finally, a new top ten!


10. Fish face brunch
9. Slimy cattle ranch
8. Super slippery conch
7. Racy little skunk
6. Greasey sputtering roach
5. John Wilkes Booth
4. Soup and sandwich lunch
3. Tasty Cap’n Crunch
2. Laced Hawaiian Punch
1. Loretta

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Like Jesus in Reverse

So if you recall the post I did back in June about when I watched the space shuttle launch from near my house (and I am sure you all have it memorized by now)- I mentioned it was a life long dream of mine to watch a night launch of the shuttle right up near the Kennedy Space Center. Well, I am proud to say, Dream Fulfilled! The Shuttle Endeavour blasted off last night at 7:55pm and me, my dad and Cindy made the 2 hour drive to see it. I hadn't really even remembered that it was happening until I heard it mentioned on the radio that morning. I half-heartedly mentioned it to my dad, who was totally game for the adventure, and by 5pm we were gassing up and hitting the road. I must say, for having no real plan or no real knowledge of where to go and what to do for a night launch, we ended up in the sweetest spot for maximum shuttle viewage. Talk about beginner's luck! We drove north into Titusville by way of last minute decision, thus shunning the Cocoa Beach southern direction. (Which was only fitting since Cocoa Beach was the spot where we were hosed 14 years ago when our only other night launch attempt was scrubbed with 1 minute to go....Bitter? Who's bitter? Certainly not me.) (What are all these parenthese for? I don't know!) Once in downtown Titusville, it was immediately apparent we were in the hot spot. There were people absolutely everywhere- lining the roads, in the street, in parking lots, cars were absolutely everywhere and parking everywhere! And the good old free market is alive and well because all the businesses had become paid parking lots. $10 was too steep for me, so we drove just far enough away from the Titusville nucleus and parked on the side of the highway. Then we decided to take a chance and follow anyone who looked like they knew what they were doing. Most were heading down the parking lot on the side of the Clarion hotel, so we did the same and came upon a large field, PACKED with people and it was right on the ocean. AND, just across the water was KSC and the lit up launch pad. Such an awesome sight! After about a 10 minute wait and minute-by-minute updates by the Space Crazies (you know, the guys who set up there that morning with TVs, laptops, telescopes, are wearing earphones and listening to the live NASA feed, oh yeah- they take this very seriously), we had liftoff! My amatuer video shows a little what it was like- but definitely does not do it hardly any justice. It was so bright! Literally like the sun coming up in the morning. (Hence the title of this post- the description my Dad uttered as we walked back to the car.) As we were watching it lift off, my dad kept saying "The sound wave will be here any minute" and finally after about 2 minutes, it arrived and it was loud! Deep and rumbling. It totally made the whole experience. That really made you feel close the action. After the launch, well, things weren't exactly the picture perfect ending I had hoped for. My car overheated, (thank you Dad for bringing "the curse" with you- but also for making sure we made it home:) and traffic was something out of a horror movie where all of New York City is trying to evacuate down a one lane road at 3mph. Seriously, the backup was about 40 miles long. Bumper to bumper, stop and go, it was horrendous. The launch was done at about 8:10, we got home at 2:30am. We finally found that the entire backup for 40 miles was pretty much because of an OPERATING toll booth at the 417 in Orlando. It was absolutely mindblowing that they would be operating the tolls while traffic was that bad, that late into the morning. Simply astounding. However, the long drive did make for a good time of watching The Princess Bride, trying to play guess the animal (which Cindy never did want to play), some awesome radio cranking of toe-tapping country music (seeing as how my mom was not around to roll her eyes and make fake throw up noises when it came on), and consuming mass quantities of Teddy Grahams. So enjoy the video and if you ever get the chance to see a night launch- (in the words of Nike) Just Do It! But book a hotel room, beacuse you ain't going no where when its over. :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Like something out of a movie

This little Pothos vine started creeping out of the disgusting plant jungle by my front door and is now making its way up the house. On the one hand it is totally creeping me out, but on the other hand I secretly want to see if it can reach the roof.
Let's hope Jacob doesn't obliterate it before I found out! Film at 11.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Cindy Quickie

So the other night we were playing the card game Old Maid. Every time we have played this game with Cindy, Jacob can get her to pick the Old Maid simply by placing that card higher than any other card in his hand. It never fails!! This particular game was ending with either me or Jacob having the Old Maid. I had to pick from Jacob, so he offered his cards out to me so I could pick. As I was deciding which of the two to choose, Cindy urgently leaned over and whispered
in my ear, "Don't pick the high one!!!!!" So I didn't. And I won :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Once there was an Elephant who tried to use the Telephant...

You know how over time you and your spouse are supposed to start looking like each other? Well, I can't really comment on whether or not Jacob and I look like each other, but I have definitely picked up on some of his habits. Some that I never thought I would. Specifically, his distaste for talking on the phone and, pretty much all phone interaction in general. (Now, if you have ever talked to me on the phone, or tried to talk to me on the phone or left me a message on the phone before and you have NOT noticed this about me, please turn your wrist over and check for a pulse, because you might not be conscious.) I was not always this way. I remember when Jacob and I started dating. I thought we would be one of those couples that talked for hours on the phone every night about the stupidest things and could only hang up after fighting over who would say goodbye first. Oh no, not us. Not even close. You see, Jacob (and pretty much his family as a whole) are not phone people. Jacob will get a call from his sister, who he has not spoken to in over 6 months, and answer the phone by saying, "What?". This was shocking to me. But I can unfortunately say that in the 9 years since I met Jacob I have turned to the dark side of phone behavior. The side that does not want to answer the phone. The side that fears the message. The side that simultaneously loves that with a cell phone you can talk to people anywhere, but also hates that with a cell phone you can talk to people anywhere. This is absolutely not a declaration of "Please don't call me"- but more of an explanation at why I am so lame and flaky when it comes to phone interaction. I would hate for my socially awkward Telephophobia to be misconstrued as deliberate acts of a cold hearted robot. (FYI---> Telephonophobia: fear of the phone- I am not making that up, it is real. In fact, I was a little frightened by the mass amount of info that popped up when I Googled it.) I guess I just have my preferred ways of communication, and, mostly because I am WAY better at writing than speaking(obviously ;), I prefer those methods: the email, the text, the handwritten letter, the telegram, the singing Valentine, the Mime, etc. Additionally, I am so BAD on the phone. I say weird things, I talk at the same time as the other person, my phone breaks up, I have bad hearing, I can't understand accents, the list goes on! I never get off the phone thinking, "Yes, that went well." I usually think "Wow, how do I get by in life?" So there you have it, true confessions of a telephonophobe. Give me a call and tell me what you think. Hold that- text me instead.

Perhaps all this phone phobia started with Grandpa Sweeney and this poem...


Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant--
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone--
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)
Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee--
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

Laura Richards

Thursday, November 6, 2008


I am buying the Cannondale! Yahoo!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

How Could I Have Forgotten?

I can't believe I did not remember this for yesterday's post. Something that ALWAYS makes me laugh...

BYU Police Beat!!!! (directly from the pages of the Daily Universe)
(and I am not making these up)

A faculty member claimed someone entered his office in the Snell building and took football tickets from his desk. The police checked the seats during the game but there was nobody with his tickets.

Someone stripped the left front turn signal off a 1987 Dodge Raider in the 2nd level parking lot in the JFSB. The estimate damage is $25.

A female student reported that someone was tapping at her window at John Hall in Helaman Halls Sept. 3 and she saw a mannequin head on a pole. There were 15 people in the area with two heads on poles. The case is closed and there are no suspects.

An older male was reported for suspicious activity after someone noticed him opening all the washers and dryers in the laundry at Wyview Park. When he was confronted it was learned that he had personal items in each of the washers and dryers.

Jan. 24: A witness reported a suspicious male standing outside the Joseph Smith Building at 10:30 a.m. The male was wearing a black cloak and was singing to himself. He had been there for 45 minutes. Upon being questioned, the male said he was waiting for his class to begin and was happy. He said he was cold and was singing to keep warm.

April 11: BYU police received a call that four male students were using the Helaman Halls pool even though it was not open yet. When the police officer arrived he was able to locate the students because they were the only students walking home wet.

April 14: A student called BYU Police when she saw a creepy looking person smoking by the Administration Building.

June 2
A blind deer was found by a resident at the Wymount Terrace. Provo Animal Control was called and they came and took care of the animal. They knew it was blind because it was running into things.

May 31
A student called and reported suspicious behavior at 11 p.m.. A car had been running around the law school parking lot for 30 minutes, police said. When the officer arrived the male explained he was teaching his girlfriend how to drive.

April 8: A 6-year-old boy called the police when his 9-year-old brother would not let him watch television. BYU police checked the situation to make sure the boys were supervised. Both boys were fine.

And now a joke that is quite timely... (Thanks, Christina!!)

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he
realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises ..

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above...

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......

'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.'

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

It Could Be a Rough Night, So let's have some fun!

Well, it is Election Day, finally. And now all those unending back-to-back attack ads can go away, as well as all the signs and fliers. Unfortunately, I am not terribly optimistic about how it will end. Sadly, I have had my eyes opened to the stupidity of my fellow Americans in the past 6 months. But rather than wallow in what could be a very disappointing night, I decided to post any random thing that made me laugh and forget about the whole darn thing for a in no particular order whatsoever:

Funny Analogies: Washington Post’s Bad Analogy Contest Winners
****Warning: These are deliberately some of the worst, most painful, most terrible and most awful analogies ever written!

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

A couple of these....

Last week when we had that really cold night, I went into the garage to find this:

Good thing someone is looking out for Daisey.

These are actual fortune cookie fortunes...

Never wear your best pants
when you go to fight for freedom.

Don’t behave with cold manners

Because of your melodic nature,
the moonlight never misses an appointment.

There is no mistake so great
as that of being always right.

You love Chinese food.

Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.

A starship ride has been promised to you
by the galactic wizard.

Some Deep Questions to Ponder

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

Finally, Some "Invisible" Cat Pictures

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween 2008

This year, because of the calendar, we had WAY more opportunities for Halloween frivolity- and by the end I was about Halloweened out! We had a Trunk or Treat/Fall Festival at Church on Wednesday, then our yearly pilgrimage to the Halloween Parade in Bartow on Thursday and then Friday at Cindy's school was the Costume Parade/Fall Festival, followed by Friday night, which was the actual tried and true Trick or Treating. It was a Marathon of a week! So here are some pics from all the festivities. I was very pleased with how cute the kids looked. They both did great. Luke (or Luigi as we called him) definitely was a hit walking around the neighborhood. AND when you put elastic in a hat and distract Luke with candy- he will wear it!