Once there was an Elephant who tried to use the Telephant...

You know how over time you and your spouse are supposed to start looking like each other? Well, I can't really comment on whether or not Jacob and I look like each other, but I have definitely picked up on some of his habits. Some that I never thought I would. Specifically, his distaste for talking on the phone and, pretty much all phone interaction in general. (Now, if you have ever talked to me on the phone, or tried to talk to me on the phone or left me a message on the phone before and you have NOT noticed this about me, please turn your wrist over and check for a pulse, because you might not be conscious.) I was not always this way. I remember when Jacob and I started dating. I thought we would be one of those couples that talked for hours on the phone every night about the stupidest things and could only hang up after fighting over who would say goodbye first. Oh no, not us. Not even close. You see, Jacob (and pretty much his family as a whole) are not phone people. Jacob will get a call from his sister, who he has not spoken to in over 6 months, and answer the phone by saying, "What?". This was shocking to me. But I can unfortunately say that in the 9 years since I met Jacob I have turned to the dark side of phone behavior. The side that does not want to answer the phone. The side that fears the message. The side that simultaneously loves that with a cell phone you can talk to people anywhere, but also hates that with a cell phone you can talk to people anywhere. This is absolutely not a declaration of "Please don't call me"- but more of an explanation at why I am so lame and flaky when it comes to phone interaction. I would hate for my socially awkward Telephophobia to be misconstrued as deliberate acts of a cold hearted robot. (FYI---> Telephonophobia: fear of the phone- I am not making that up, it is real. In fact, I was a little frightened by the mass amount of info that popped up when I Googled it.) I guess I just have my preferred ways of communication, and, mostly because I am WAY better at writing than speaking(obviously ;), I prefer those methods: the email, the text, the handwritten letter, the telegram, the singing Valentine, the Mime, etc. Additionally, I am so BAD on the phone. I say weird things, I talk at the same time as the other person, my phone breaks up, I have bad hearing, I can't understand accents, the list goes on! I never get off the phone thinking, "Yes, that went well." I usually think "Wow, how do I get by in life?" So there you have it, true confessions of a telephonophobe. Give me a call and tell me what you think. Hold that- text me instead.

Perhaps all this phone phobia started with Grandpa Sweeney and this poem...

Eletelephony

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant--
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone--
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)
Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee--
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

Laura Richards