Sunday, January 31, 2010

Experience #30- Celebrate my "Golden Birthday"

If you are like me, you had no idea that there was actually a real name for the birthday where you turn the same age as the date it occurs on. I Googled it- "Golden Birthday". It's legit. So being born on the last day of the month gives you something to look forward to for a very long time, my friend. And doesn't it just work out gloriously for me with this whole blogging/experiences thing? It really was meant to be :) Anyway- turning 31 on the 31st caps off an amazing year. I started my day with waffles, went to Stake Conference, went to a Baptism, and then headed to my mom's for dinner with my brother and his family. It was great to be together. And the best part of all was that my mom infinitely wrapped one of my presents. Seriously, it must have been wrapped like 8 times. Brian isn't here, so I guess someone had to take his place.

AND, the best gift? The Weenie. Yup, they got me :)

And so my 30th year is in the books! Plans for 31? You Bet! Tomorrow I will re-cap, but for now I am going to go have a lazy evening with Jacob and the kids. Perfect ending :)

Experience #29- Drive a Riding Lawn Mower

(I can't even tell you how much I LOVE the face I am making in this photo. I can't stop laughing at it every time I see it. I hope you feel the same way.)

Considering that mowing your lawn in Florida is a year-round activity, and one which I have engaged in thousands of times, you would think I would have been on a riding mower somehow, somewhere during my life. But nope, never have! So I called my good friend Carol Ivey, who lives down the street from my in-laws. I see her son, Jacob, out there riding and mowing all the time so I figured she could help me out, and she totally came through for me! It was awesome. After a 2-minute crash course on starting it, speed control and the clutch, I was off! Uninsured and without a lawn mower license! I bravely went across the street and around the neighbor's yard and back. Twice, even! And I have to say that that thing can boogie! (I see now why there are people in the world that created the sport of lawn mower racing.) Anyway, it was really fun! I would definitely enjoy mowing the lawn way more if I were riding around on a little tractor the whole time. Carol was so sweet and took some pictures for me of this momentous occasion. We tried and tried to get Cindy to take a quick ride on my lap with me, but she would not be budged. It was "too loud and bumpy." But we did manage to get her on for a quick, goofy picture. Thanks, Carol! You're the best! 30 Experiences down and 1 to go!

And this picture was a VERY close second favorite. Cindy is progressing with her spastic photo faces quite nicely, I would say.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Experience #28- Drive 100 mph

I am actually going to say very little about this experience :) I will, however, simply say this: I did accomplish this experience this weekend, somewhere in Polk County, on a public road. Even though it only lasted about 2 seconds, it scared the living daylights out of me and most likely will never happen again in my lifetime. But Rocket handled it amazingly well and now I'm pretty sure that he (my Honda Accord) really is part rocket. Blast off!

In the meantime....

I am hurriedly wrapping up my last 3 experiences for my 30th year in the next 24 hours and all shall be revealed shortly...but in the meantime, here is something I am introducing as a feature on my blog for 2010.

Ready, Set, Cook!

I'm sure you are all familiar with the show Iron Chef. It is where two chefs battle it out in a competition of skill and creativity. They each have to cook, on the spot, a completely original meal, from scratch, that includes a previously unknown secret ingredient (which can be anything ranging from strawberries to squid). Anyway, as I have been cooking more and more and refining my mad culinary skillz, I have decided that for 2010, I am taking on sort of an Iron Chef challenge each month. In layman's terms: I am choosing an unusual supermarket item and making a totally new recipe with it. The only caveat is that in my case I get to cheat. Big time. I get to research an actual recipe in which to use the ingredient. No flying totally blind for me- I know my limits :) The only rule is that it can't be a recipe for something I have ever made before- I going for recipes that are totally original. And away we go!

Iron Chef January

Secret Ingredient: 1 can Coconut Milk

Recipe: Coconut Rice with Black Eyed Peas and Avocado Salsa

Nope, that recipe title is not a misprint! When I saw it, I knew it was destiny. Seriously, I could not think of three ingredients that belong together less than these. But as the recipe author said himself when explaining this dish, "Give it a shot! Great flavors come together to become more than the sum of its parts!" Well, okay then.

It did have 9 reviews, all of which gave it 5 stars and raved about how good it was. I guess we will just see about those five stars, won't we now??

So here it is completed and I have to say it was surprisingly good! The coconut rice was not really that coconutty to me. I was expecting it to be very tropical, but it was very mild. However, when it hit some of the lime juice in the salsa, it did seem a little more powerful. Anyway, my advice is to double the avocado (because avocado is wonderful) and then add lots of cheese, maybe even some cheese whiz because for some reason it totally compliments the flavors. Plus, the BEST part of this recipe is that you can eat pretty much all of it and not feel guilty. It doesn't even have any meat! Which I wasn't even sure I was allowed to make a meal that doesn't have meat in this house. But we are all still alive :) Overall I give it 4 out of 5 stars and I'm already way excited about February, as my secret ingredient is very "appropriate", shall we say. Stay tuned....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Experience #27- Read a Harry Potter Book

Seeing as how I watched Casablanca and listened to War of the Worlds as two of my experiences this year, I knew I needed to read a book too. I was just really torn on what to read. I mean, the proper, cultured side of me thought I should read a classic. Something long and boring and the punchline of a joke, like Crime and Punishment or War and Peace. But then I remembered this list is supposed to be FUN, darnit! So I decided to turn to a new classic. I have never ever read an entire Harry Potter book. I tried once a long time ago to read the first one, but I got sidetracked and basically just decided I would watch the movies to get all caught up. But that didn't happen either. Besides, I already have books 1-3, courtesy of my parents who lent them to me ions ago. (I know they are reading this and saying to themselves "We lent her the Harry Potter books?? Yup, you did.) So this past weekend, I hunkered down and read vol. 1, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. (P.S. Yet another great reason to choose this book: it's short. After 4 Twilight novels, this was like reading a pamphlet.) Now, I have seen the movie many times. In fact, it's one of my favorites. But some things were still a little confusing to me, I have to admit. Probably because I fall asleep by the end of any movie I ever watch, and that has possibly happened once or twice during this one. However, the book has cleared a lot of things up for me! I finally feel like I understand the plot of this book now. Like Voldemort and why he was after the stone, why Snape was actually innocent, and that Dumbledoor is actually a little more loopy than the movie makes him out to be. And Holy Hermione! I even think I sort of understand the rules of Quidditch :) It really was an enjoyable read. It was funny, imaginative and used big words that an adult like me needs to encounter now and again. Anyway, faster than the Golden Snitch I am on to book 2 before I forget everything I just read. What a Muggle I've been!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Experience #26- Get a Facial

My friend's Facebook status update about a week ago was about the amazing facial she had just gotten (Thanks, Melissa!)- and when I read that, I thought to myself, Aha! I have never ever had a facial! and so I called the same gal who did hers and made an appointment to get one. And you know what? Getting a facial is pretty darn great! I went to Karen Taylor at Nu Image Salon here in Lakeland and got a 30 minute mini-facial, and my eyebrows waxed, just for good measure. It was great! I got to wear headphones and listen to very relaxing music while I had all kinds of cleansers, toners, moisturizers and a mask applied. Karen told me before the facial that the biggest compliment I could give her would be to "fall asleep in the chair" while she worked. I didn't exactly fall asleep, but I was definitely doing some deep meditating, shall we say. I was in my own little world, visualizing myself doing everything from flying to canoeing. (What? Canoeing is very relaxing!) Which is great, because how often do we get to totally zone out and let our minds wander for a good 30 minutes? Almost never. It was very refreshing! But at one point I did come out of it long enough to hear an older lady telling her stylist about her husband being unable to play Bunco anymore because of someone's cheating; which I thought was a classic beauty shop moment. At least I think I heard that. Karen would have to confirm that for me... Anyway, two thumbs WAY up for facials and for Karen, who did a super amazing job on my perpetually bushy, Vulcan brows.

I was torn as to whether I should even take and post this picture, what with my tremendously obvious non-makeup'd face and all, but I knew that I needed a visual for this post, so in the end my logical side won out. Told you my brows were Vulcan!

Monday, January 25, 2010

No Worries, Mate!

My birthday is fast approaching, and just in case you were wondering, I am still working on my last 5 Experiences and I WILL make it by Sunday. So keep checking in this week and you will see the grand finale to my best year ever! No seriously, it really has been my best year ever. And that's a blog post you might just see next week.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

He Shoots, He Scores!

Could I be more proud of Jacob? Not really. This past Friday Jacob coached his girls soccer team to a school first 3A District Soccer Championship. This was pretty much the team’s only goal for the entire season. Last year his boys’ team was ranked #1 going into Districts, but lost in the first game. Would lightning strike twice? Thankfully, no. I usually don’t go to many of his games- mostly because they are very far away and start too late for the kids, but also because I am a nervous wreck the entire time. Due to the significance of this game, it was about ten times worse. I could barely eat the whole day. I was so nervous! I just knew that Jacob wanted this so bad and no one could be more deserving. In the end, they held off Frostproof, 2-1, and now get to play in Regionals next Thursday. Hopefully this is the start of a new tradition: every time my birthday approaches, Jacob is hip-deep in post-season play. I wouldn’t mind and I know he wouldn’t either :)

See, Jacob?I told you that you were a great coach! Now you just happen to have some hardware to prove it.

Friday, January 22, 2010

A Hilarious Cindy Quickie

(As opposed to the regular non-hilarious Cindy quickies I post on here, right?)

Anyway, last night Cindy had to do her homework. It was a fill-in-the-blank worksheet about Martin Luther King, Jr. Here is how she filled it out: (these are her exact words she wrote down)

Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream was: "that everyone would get along."

My dream is: "to be a Mermaid."

In my dream, everyone would: "be a mermaid with me."

Something I can do now to make my dream come true is: "learn to swim."

Sorry, but if you ask a 5 year-old what their "dream" is, what do you expect them to say, I mean, really? Besides, I can vouch wholeheartedly that this really is, indeed, her dream. I hear about it all the time :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

So that's where I get it from!

Over the holidays I was over at my mom's house and I made a significant discovery. After a huge meal, we were all helping to clear the dishes and bring them to my mom, who was at the sink rinsing them and then loading them into the dishwasher. It looked pretty full when I got there with my plates, so I asked her if they were all gonna fit. She looked at me like I just asked her if the Pope wears a funny hat. DUH. And then my dad proceeded to tell me that my Mom is indeed, a level 8 master dragon dishwasher loader. (Yes, that is the official title according to Maytag- see instruction manual, page 15.) She can take an absolutely humongous pile of odd shaped dishware, pans, Tupperware, etc. and somehow manage to fit them tetris-style into a 8 cubic foot box. And even when the dishwasher is either about to start or is in full swing and an orphan spoon or cup is found in another room, no worries! It can be added! Now the discovery part comes in when I realized that I do exactly the same thing. In fact, overloading the dishwasher efficiently has long been a skill I have been tempted to list on my resume. I just can't stand not being able to fit everything in my sink into a single load! I thought I was alone in my thinking. But I realize now this is a genetic trait. A glorious, genetic trait. Thanks, Mom :)

Monday, January 18, 2010

Experience #25- Learn the Aviator's Alphabet

As I was re-assessing my 30 experiences this year (and noticing that it's going to be a photo finish to do all of them by January 31), I was focusing in on the last part of the phrase that has been my motto: '30 Things I have never done before, but always wanted to try.' And I remembered one thing that I have been meaning to do forever and ever and that is to learn the aviator's alphabet. You know, those words pilots use to clarify letters they are speaking? A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo and so forth? I always thought it would just be handy to know, so that when I am on the phone and trying to tell someone my email address or spell my name, I wouldn't have those awkward moments when I panic and say something ridiculous like "E as in.....electrocution? B as in Barenstein Bears or C as in Copacabana." I want to be official, dangit!

Here is a chart of the actual aviator's alphabet: Click on it to see it bigger, I know this is not the best copy...

I actually read about the history of the alphabet and it is quite fascinating. The alphabet as is currently used was finally adopted in 1956- but there were tons of previous alphabets that were used before this. Some were made up completely of city names, others were made up completely of men's first names (Zebedee being the best one of those), but finally NATO and the rest of the world decided on this one and it is pretty much universal. For all the history low-down, go here.

Anyway, I have memorized this alphabet now, so the next time you see me you will have to quiz me. And as an added bonus, here is a special secret message to all my fans:

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Experience #24- Go to Ikea

(I am totally confused by the face I am making as well. Just ignore it and keep reading...)

Nope, I really never have been inside an IKEA Furniture Store. I have seen their catalogs and seen what kinds of things they make; there are even 2 within an hour of me (one in Orlando and one in Tampa) but I just have never made the pilgrimage. My brother Dave and his wife Misty are huge IKEA fans, so when they happened to be here this past weekend for my niece’s baptism and my nephew’s blessing, we all headed out to IKEA. "Go team" on 3: 1, 2, 3- Go Team!

I had heard this place was big and that you need a whole day to spend in there, but this place was literally like visiting a small country. I felt like I needed a passport to get in. We started by going up the elevator to the second floor and when we stepped out we immediately had to get into the flow of traffic by following the arrows on the floor. Kind of like when Dori and Marlin get into the EAC on Finding Nemo. On our tour we saw tons of kitchens, offices, living rooms, play rooms, laundry rooms, apartments, kitchenware, cookware, artwork, chairs, sofas, baskets, shelves, hangers, clocks- it was like Grover and his "Everything in the Whole Wide World Museum." It was massive! And it just never ended! I almost kind of panicked near the end as I was trying to find the actual place where you pay for your items and get back out of the store. There was so much to see there. In fact, IKEA’s insane selection and ability to personally customize everything you see-from the cabinet doors to the cabinet handles, from the tabletop to the table legs- might just be their downfall. I was totally overwhelmed. I couldn’t imagine being able to actually make a choice on what to buy. Too many options! This is not to say I didn’t have a good time. I really did! It is a good way to kill a couple of hours and see the quirky, interesting way that Swedes look at the world. It was fun to see the food court I hear so much about. Not real jazzed about the "Open-faced Shrimp and Egg Sandwich" they offer on the breakfast menu- but the prices are very reasonable and the food section on the bottom floor was GREAT for weird international items. It was also interesting to see Smalworld, IKEA’s drop off for little kids. Not sure I would ever utilize that place; I am not a big fan of public babysitting venues but anyway, here was my day at IKEA in pictures:

Cindy was totally feeling this chair. And about 18 others...

Chris made an amazing discovery in the 570 sq. ft. house library....a "fisk"!

Every piece of furniture in there has a ridiculous Swedish code name (like Trollsta, Ivar, Lerberg, Leksvik, etc.) but this small computer desk had the best Swedish name ever. Dave.

This was some sort of ceramic lid to a dish, and when I asked Dave what he could hear when he put it to his ear he said, "Stockholm!"

This small ribbon tunnel was right outside the kids furniture section and I literally had to physically remove Luke from this after about 15 minutes. We would still be there at this moment if I hadn't. Consquently, I know what to make Luke for his birthday.

I had only seen about half of one floor of this place and I already needed a nap.

Here is Mom becoming overwhelmed.

Chris and Dave feeling "klok" in this Swedish living room. Klok is Swedish for "related." Okay, just kidding, it means wise.

And nothing will recharge your batteries and give you that second IKEA wind faster than heading downstairs and eating some jelly rats. Mmmmm, mmmmm!

As you see in the first picture, I did buy something there and that was a supercool new whisk, or "vispa", as the Swedes say. A great souvenir of my trip to IKEA. I also bought some sparkling pear and peach soda, both of which were delicious. I tried the Lingonberry soda they have- lingonberries are "tart red berries similar to American cranberries but smaller" and I am hoping the soda machine was broken because it was terrible. (The lingonberry must be the national fruit of Sweden because they sell just about everything lingonberry in the food section. Jam, jelly, juice concentrate. The lingonberry cat food was a little over the top, however...)

One day I will definitey head back to IKEA. Only next time I will have a game plan, some trail mix and a compass, just in case :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

How is Luke just like the pretzels at a bar?

He's complimentary! Seriously, I have to admit that I have raised myself one heck of a cheerleader in that boy. Yesterday alone he clapped and "whoo-hooo"'d for me when I set the table, when I added noodles to boiling water, when I did my exercises, and then again when I promised I would take him to the park on Saturday. He gets so excited about the little things :) Another one of his most used phrases is "Nice _______!" Insert any noun in there and he means it! He has told me "Nice blanket!" when I tuck him in at night, or "Nice crayons!" when I get some out for him to play with, or "Nice toothbrush!" when I brush my teeth. He even exclaimed, "Nice Fire!" when we went to my Moms for FHE and a fire on Monday night. He seriously loves to say that about pretty much everything! And he loves to tell me I am doing a great job at things. I was making a dessert the other night and he told me "That's a great job, Mom!" And when I gave him his lunch today he said, "This is delicious!" I have definitely not made a conscious effort to place these things in his head, but I guess I have noticed the same thing about Cindy. She always tells Jacob when he makes pancakes something along the lines of "Dad, you make the best panacakes in the whole wide world!" And she too is known for telling Jacob and I when we are doing a "great job" at something. Despite the fact that the kids are so young and kind of naive, I have to say that their optimism and kindness really goes a long way! I think we all need to have that kind of encouragement throughout our day. Whether checking the mail or bundling clean socks, I join with Luke in saluting you with a hearty "Whoo-hoo! You did a great job!" Well, this blog post is done. I am now going to enjoy the standing ovation Luke is sure to give me for my efforts. (Ha! I just told Luke, "Well, let's go get dinner ready!" To which he clapped his hands and yelled, "Hooray!!!" Man, I would love to clone him. This age is too fun :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Almost done, I promise

Some of you have been inquiring about those Top Ten lists I eluded to concerning horse race names. (Yes, that topic again. No, I secretly don't work for the race track.) Anyway, I finally finished them, so enjoy! And quit your whining! Ha ha, just kidding :)

Best Short Description of a Horse's Last Race Performance (according to the program)


Top 10 Worst Names for a Race Horse:

10. Never a Threat
9. Failed to Menace
8. Lost Jockey
7. 2nd Best
6. Void of speed
5. Done Early
4. Always Outrun
3. Stumbled
2. Just missed
1. Awkward Start

also for your reading pleasure....

Top Twenty Names for Mormon Race Horses
(Sorry if you're not Mormon, they probably don't make much sense :)

20. Sassy Seventy
19. Nourish and Strengthen
18. Mendenhall’s Bronco (thank you, Shane Nelson)
17. Storehouse Pudding
16. Temple Ready
15. Sacrament Cup
14. Mother’s Lounge
13. MuhannaYouUgly
12. Just Urim
11. LaughingLaVell
10. Ohmycougar
9. Handcart Willy
8. SpeakingJohnnysLingo
7. Seminary Biscuit
6. Mia Maid’s Revenge
5. Not an Osmond
4. Big Burly Brigham
3. Dear John
2. Really Fast Sunday
1. Flippin' Sweet Spirit

Monday, January 11, 2010

Experience #23- Knit Something

So this experience is something that I have always wanted to try. Although I have never done this ever once in my entire life, knitting didn’t seem like it would be terribly difficult once you got the hang of it. And besides, I needed to be able to make something tangible that I could keep forever as a memento of my experimental 30th year.

So, in keeping with my theme of becoming an Internet know-it-all hack, I watched some nifty knitting videos and now present to you.....

A poorly shaped rectangle!

Now, at first I had dreams of grandeur. This rectangle was actually going to be a flowing, 3 toned scarf, my friend! But then the “scarf” quickly turned into an oblong casserole trivet, and then the trivet turned into a humble pot holder and I was just about to convince myself to simply knit a lovely yarmulke for my cat Yoshi- but I persevered long enough and ended up with my rectangle.

The actual knitting wasn't hard, it became very automatic. In fact, I was kind of excited that I finally found something to do while I sat on the couch next to Jacob as he slaughtered everyone in sight playing Xbox. It was relaxing. But I soon found out that making a little misstep here or there, making the stitches too tight or too loose on a certain row- does make a difference. I thought that if you did something wrong in one row you would make up for it in the next and your little hiccup would pretty much go away. But actually the stitching oddities are all related and one simply begets another...and lots of weird things can happen:) Hence, the awesome hole I knitted into the middle, the super groovy wavy edges and the quirky random clumpiness- all characteristics of a fine home-woven handicraft and ones that I actually purposely had to include, just to make sure that no one out there thought I had a professional do this for me. Proof positive it’s a Jessica original. And despite the fact that I laugh every time I look at it, I know it will get used. Hot pads are a hot commodity around here.

Anyway, ugly fuchsia pot holder thingy, I like you. And one day my kids will play Frisbee with you to put you away in the pot holder drawer in my kitchen, just like my family does with the kitschy knitted yellow and red octagonal trivets at my Mom's house. Besides, Cindy thinks my pot holder is "very beautiful." I always liked that kid :)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Jessica Quickie

The other morning I made Luke some french toast sticks, which is an awesome breakfast for him because he needs no utensils. But then he started taking too many liberties and was dipping his entire hands into the little syrup cup with the french toast and making a huge mess. So I got him a fork to help him with his problem. He of course, put the fork down, and went right back to dredging his entire hands and the french toast in the syrup. I exasperatedly looked at him and exclaimed, "Use the fork, Luke!" That pretty much made my day the second the last syllable was coming out of my mouth. That may never get old. Well, to me, anyways.

And when I googled that phrase to get myself a lovely visual....

Ta Da!

I also happened upon THESE:

Just released, totally hot, Chop Sabers!! $19.99 for Vader Red and Yoda Blue. SO getting these...

But wait! There is also the Death Star Cookie Jar! Pre-order now for Feb. 28 shipment...

So much nerd paraphernalia, so little time.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Ladies and Germs,

Unfortunately, I am sick. It started on Monday with generalized body aches and has now run the gamut and turned into a very bad sinus infection. Yuck. Seeing as how I have not been sick in a very long time, this week has turned me into one gigantic, whiny baby. However, thanks to powerful drugs, wonderful friends and family and Netflix, I am managing to stay alive. Admittedly the worst part in all this may not be the constant headache I have had for 5 days, it is actually the inability to exercise. The scale in my kitchen has explicitly confirmed the toll this sickness has taken on my weight. (Yes, despite my sickness, the ol' appetite is alive and very well.) Anyway, looking forward to a better week next week and finally getting over this illness. Until then, I will return to my regular daily schedule of tons of Ibuprofen and watching the complete first season of The Dick Van Dyke Show. See? Netflix is fantastic!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Someone check the thermostat

Unless you have been under a rock this week, you know that weather all over the country is completely koo-koo. Here in Central Florida we had a wind chill factor of 16 degrees last night. Seriously, that is not a typo! The worst part is that for us Floridians we can somehow manage to survive the cold, but it's just really, really uncomfortable. We don't have all the "stuff" you need make it bearable. Things like heavy coats, gloves, space heaters, pants, regular shoes, etc. I don't actually own one long-sleeve shirt. Not one. We got a call from Cindy's school on Monday letting us know that because of the cold weather the kids would be allowed to wear jeans all week long. (Normally, they can only wear jeans on Fridays and you have to pay a dollar. It's a charter school, what can I say?) This of course was not necessarily good news. Thanks to a genetic defect passed on to her by her father, Cindy HATES wearing jeans. She pretty much won't wear them no matter what. So this very cold week, was just going to get even more uncomfortable. Just great.

But, have miracles ceased in modern times? I say unto you, Nay! For behold my child as she departed for school on Tuesday morning:

She wore the jeans! I couldn't believe it. And is that a smile on her face? Apparently the freezing cold weather did, in fact, reach Hades.

Monday, January 4, 2010

A Race Horse (Name) of a Different Color

Okay, so getting back to the horse racing cliffhanger I left you with a few weeks ago...Seriously, race horse names. What is the deal? As my dad and I went through the race program, we saw it all; the funny, the punny, the confusing, the ironic, the sublime and of course, the ridiculous. I did a little research on naming race horses and discovered some guidelines that actually exist when officially naming a race horse. And as I am sure your number one New Year's resolution this year is "Finally pick a name for my race horse"- well, I'm glad I could cut down on the legwork for you :)

According the Jockey Club, you are allowed to name your horse anything you want, unless the name is one of these no-no's:

• Names consisting of more than 18 letters
• Initials such as C.O.D., F.O.B., etc.
• Names of persons unless written permission to use their name
• Names of "famous" people no longer living (w/o approval from JC)
• Names of "notorious" people.
• Names clearly having commercial significance, such as trade names.
• Copyrighted material
• Names that are suggestive or have a vulgar/obscene meaning, or are offensive.

Darnit! I guess my thoroughbreds Diet Pepsi and Raw Mushroom will have to get new monikers. (What? Raw mushrooms are offensive!) Actually, if I ever did have a race horse to name, it would probably take me a solid year to make a decision on what to call it. It's like choosing a vanity plate, naming a boat or deciding your Xbox screen name. Too important to rush into!

And now for your viewing pleasure, I present to you actual horse names I found in my Tampa Bay Downs racing program. I AM NOT MAKING THESE UP:

 Trickanometry
 Duke of Hazard
 Marblehead
 Ohnoitshimagain
 One Eyed Sailor
 Larry by the Lake
 Gato’s Pirate
 Mean Kisser
 Sir Oso
 Da Grizz
 Tony Terrific
 My Son Spider
 Dancin’ Bobbysocks
 Pit Lizard
 Song for Pupcake
 Seahag
 Jealous Again
 Got your nugget
 Reward Pending
 Freudian Slip
 Puma’s Bluff
 Pasta Lover
 Supah Alex
 McVictory
 Mymymyboogieshoes
 Goodness Greatness
 Royal Thumb Tack
 Speed Dating
 Snow Cone
 We have ignition
 Abe is Honest
 Double oh five
 Two Fisted Don
 Absolutely Salty
 Leadwithyourchin
 Abercrombieandfish
 Burrito bandit
 Moral Compass
 Captain Obvious
 Bank Guard
 Invisible Genius
 Compliance Officer
 Sal the Barber
 Snack Daddy
 Taco Don
 Turnpike Terry
 Lord Louis
 Royal Rascal
 Preacher Buck
 Pink Tights
 Deputy’s Citizen
 Lastchancenanny
 Smoking Kitty
 High dollar Escort
 No means Yes

And my Dad and I decided that the BEST horse name in the entire program goes to.....Bipolar Express! Winner, winner, chicken dinner :)

Just a hint, but I feel a top ten list or two coming on....

Sunday, January 3, 2010

3 More Things I Learned in the Past Week

1. There is no substitute for brand name Baker's Sweetened Coconut. Sorry, store brand, you are horrible.

2. You can make a 7 o'clock plane flight in Orlando if you leave my in-laws' house in Lakeland at 5:27pm.

3. Two different actors played the regular non-hulk guy and the hulkified guy on the original TV show "The Incredible Hulk." I only figured this out on Tuesday. And as a matter of fact, I did go to college, thank you very much!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

Let's see, if your New Year's went anything like mine, you spent last night eating some leftover steak, lighting off a few boxes of sparklers, having an indoor dance party (complete with swirling DJ lights), watching the ball drop, kissing Jacob at midnight, and then falling into bed at about 2am. Actually, I don't think yours was exactly like mine, because you kissing Jacob would be just plain awkward. But, as Jacob and I watched the ball drop in Times Square last night, we just couldn't come to grips with the fact that it really is 2010. This was never supposed to happen! We were NEVER supposed to be this old! But time marches on and there is not a dang thing you can do about it. I guess the only thing to be done is to enjoy your time more fully and just be grateful to get another year. A lot of people turn nostalgic at the end of the year- we look back at all the things that happened in the world of news, entertainment, politics, etc. And even more so when the decade changes over. I know, I know. Technically speaking, it really isn't the change of the decade until the end of 2010. I get it. But I decided to look back at the last ten years or so of my life and assess just what the heck I did with all my time. I was going to record me singing this song, but I didn't have the voice. Or the needed access to the computer sound system, what with our total addiction to Xbox around here lately... So sing it in your mind :) Anyway, viewing it in full screen mode is optimal. And since I am a true Bingham, there are a few surprises in there.

So without further ado....