A Race Horse (Name) of a Different Color

Okay, so getting back to the horse racing cliffhanger I left you with a few weeks ago...Seriously, race horse names. What is the deal? As my dad and I went through the race program, we saw it all; the funny, the punny, the confusing, the ironic, the sublime and of course, the ridiculous. I did a little research on naming race horses and discovered some guidelines that actually exist when officially naming a race horse. And as I am sure your number one New Year's resolution this year is "Finally pick a name for my race horse"- well, I'm glad I could cut down on the legwork for you :)

According the Jockey Club, you are allowed to name your horse anything you want, unless the name is one of these no-no's:

• Names consisting of more than 18 letters
• Initials such as C.O.D., F.O.B., etc.
• Names of persons unless written permission to use their name
• Names of "famous" people no longer living (w/o approval from JC)
• Names of "notorious" people.
• Names clearly having commercial significance, such as trade names.
• Copyrighted material
• Names that are suggestive or have a vulgar/obscene meaning, or are offensive.

Darnit! I guess my thoroughbreds Diet Pepsi and Raw Mushroom will have to get new monikers. (What? Raw mushrooms are offensive!) Actually, if I ever did have a race horse to name, it would probably take me a solid year to make a decision on what to call it. It's like choosing a vanity plate, naming a boat or deciding your Xbox screen name. Too important to rush into!

And now for your viewing pleasure, I present to you actual horse names I found in my Tampa Bay Downs racing program. I AM NOT MAKING THESE UP:

 Trickanometry
 Duke of Hazard
 Marblehead
 Ohnoitshimagain
 One Eyed Sailor
 Larry by the Lake
 Gato’s Pirate
 Mean Kisser
 Sir Oso
 Da Grizz
 Tony Terrific
 My Son Spider
 Dancin’ Bobbysocks
 Pit Lizard
 Song for Pupcake
 Seahag
 Jealous Again
 Got your nugget
 Reward Pending
 Freudian Slip
 Puma’s Bluff
 Pasta Lover
 Supah Alex
 McVictory
 Mymymyboogieshoes
 Goodness Greatness
 Royal Thumb Tack
 Speed Dating
 Snow Cone
 We have ignition
 Abe is Honest
 Double oh five
 Two Fisted Don
 Absolutely Salty
 Leadwithyourchin
 Abercrombieandfish
 Burrito bandit
 Moral Compass
 Captain Obvious
 Bank Guard
 Invisible Genius
 Compliance Officer
 Sal the Barber
 Snack Daddy
 Taco Don
 Turnpike Terry
 Lord Louis
 Royal Rascal
 Preacher Buck
 Pink Tights
 Deputy’s Citizen
 Lastchancenanny
 Smoking Kitty
 High dollar Escort
 No means Yes

And my Dad and I decided that the BEST horse name in the entire program goes to.....Bipolar Express! Winner, winner, chicken dinner :)

Just a hint, but I feel a top ten list or two coming on....