Saturday, October 31, 2015

Halloween 2015

While you wait for my epic Ragnar post, I will appease you with some Halloween pictures:

Stars of the screen, Katniss and Ant Man

Cindy's friend Charlotte (who is also Cindy's personal hairstylist, specializing in the Katniss braid) made my year by choosing this costume for Fall Festival:

#leftshark does what she wants

I decided to go with the ol' pineapple costume.  I mean, sure, there were probably going to be a hundred other pineapples, but I couldn't pass up the chance to prove that I am a fan of delicious flavor. 

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

We attended the Bartow Halloween parade once again this year.  And let me tell you, when I ask a group of kids to face forward and take a picture, they listen.  

And this photo sums up my entire life as a substitute teacher

Those crazy girls

Those goofy boys

And finally tonight we went trick or treating with a small group in Susie's neighborhood.  The half mile loop RULES!

Ant Man is kind of a loner

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Watch Out, I'm Packing

Ragnar, here I come...

Monday, October 19, 2015

A Jacob Quickie

On Sunday during sharing time in junior primary I noticed that Jacob was sitting in the row directly behind his CTR 7 class.  And he was laughing hysterically.  Since I was not in charge of sharing time, I took the liberty to go sit next to him and see what he was up to.  He pointed down to the floor and I saw that the kids had all put their scriptures under their seats while they were not currently using them, and then Jacob was using his feet to switch the scriptures under the different chairs.  The kids were becoming extremely exasperated at trying to figure out how the heck their scriptures were moving around and no one could figure it out.  I gave Jacob a look that disapprovingly said, "Really?"  He smiled and said, "It's the little things."

Friday, October 16, 2015

Who, me?

Last Sunday we had Stake Conference.  The program for the meeting was only filled with three speakers and the rest of the time was to be "conducted under the direction of Elder Packer."  Which basically meant calling on people from the audience to give an on the spot talk on a given subject.  In some glorious cosmic twist of fate, my name was called.  And in another glorious twist of fate, Jacob remembered to snap this picture of me on the "jumbo-tron", which coincidentally is the last word he said to me before I got up to speak. Thanks, pal :)

The good hair day should have tipped me off that something was suspicious...

I survived this terrifying experience, but of course after you sit down you think of about fourteen better things you could have said.  Or ten things, if you're me...


10. "Well, this meeting's been a total snoozer, am I right?"
9.  "Perfect timing! Just got back in from a smoke break."
8.  "I just wanna take a minute to put in a plug for our Fall Festival.  This year we will have 500 live bats, which we are all expecting to work out better than last year's 500 live bees."
7.  "Glad everyone could make it today. I am here to formally announce my candidacy for Lakeland Stake President 2022."
6.  "When President Bailey asked me to speak four minutes ago, I thought the topic was so broad and I could go in so many different directions, but in the last 45 seconds I decided to refine my topic to simply "not fainting."
5.  "My three day alien abduction back in 1986 taught me some important lessons that I would like to share with you now."
4.  "To save time, I am just going to sing my testimony."  
3.  "Fun fact: President Hinckley built the Conference Center podium out of a tree he planted in his backyard and this podium is made from an old entertainment center I found on the side of the road."
2.  "Well, I am definitely NOT wearing flip flops to church, I can tell you that."
1.  "Hey, I can see my house from here!"

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Things I Learned Over The Past Two Weeks

I just finished up a two week assignment substitute teaching 3rd grade and it was a long two weeks. Actually. the kids were not too bad and I think that particular age has a lot of positives, but by the end I was kind of glad to move on.  The other five 3rd grade teachers asked for my business card on the last day, which made me feel pretty good :) And also very smart that I actually had business cards to give them :)

I will now once again add to my growing list of things I have learned since substitute teaching:

1. Tying teacher salaries to student performance is the single WORST idea in the history of mankind.

obama laughing  - And then i said teacher salaries  will be tied to student test scores

*Disclaimer:  Did Obama really say this?  Did he really come up with this idea?  I don't really know.  But since he is a total moron, this meme completely makes sense.  As you were.

2. The official noise of third grade is a short, whiny "Aww!" that follows after every time you say no to something.  Which is like 47 times a day.

3. Complete the analogy:
                Flame is to moth as  _______ is to third graders.

Consequences Toy Story - cap erasers. Cap erasers everywhere.

4. Kids are so very trusting.  It's a good thing I am a normal, decent human being.

evil raccoon - yes, i tallied your hero bucks corrrectly

5. Being a good reader is the key to happiness and success in ALL areas of schooling. Forever. The end.

Success Kid - parents read to me every night while growing up

6.  There is an exponential inverse relationship between the number of lunches brought from home and the day that the cafeteria serves fish nuggets.

WAT-Seal - what's wrong with fish?

7.  Never let the kids know when you completely staple your finger while collecting homework.  Just pry out the staple and cover it with one of those brown sandpaper paper towels and act like nothing happened.  And then maybe spend the rest of the day wondering if you need a tetanus shot.

8.  The real reason kids beg and plead to take the attendance to the office:

9.  Being a kid is dangerous.  There are headaches, earrings that bother you, "broken" ankles, scraped palms, splinters, loose teeth that fall out during math class, tripping over your desk, and "not being able to feel your leg." And that's just in one day.

10.  Never trust 90% of what you hear.

Maury Bishop - you said the teacher lets you sit anywhere the seating chart determined that was a lie

Monday, October 5, 2015

A Luke Quickie

Tonight Luke was microwaving a hot dog and as he lifted the plate up to put it in the microwave, the hot dog slid off the plate and landed on the kitchen floor.  He looked alarmed as he quickly retrieved it and then he sheepishly asked me, "Five second rule?"  I chuckled and agreed with him that it was probably okay to go ahead with the hot dog in this case.  Then he said, "I will just clean it off a little..." and then he rolled it up into his shirt.  There was no more chuckling.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

So Far, So Good

We are now three games into the soccer season and Cindy has actually had a really good experience thus far in returning to the game.  She has not even said the phrase "I hate soccer" yet!  Miracles still happen in our day, people.

Don't worry, even though Luke's game started at noon, we were still able to listen to General Conference.  Technology: The best thing to happen to the world besides Grumpy Cat.

Still deciding if my Fire phone camera really sucks or not.  The pictures I got today make me think it might be tolerable.  (Side note: The phone came with a year of Prime on Amazon and I side loaded the Google Play store, so pretty much the phone is amazing and lightning fast.  It was a steal at $130. Just in case you were wondering...)

Soccer cj:
Look at that inside of the foot action! Dad is so proud. 

Jacob got promoted to the assistant over coaching on the recreational side for Lakeland Football Club. Which, to the kids only means one thing: Keys to the golf cart!!

He's so handsome :)