Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Things I Learned Over The Past Two Weeks

I just finished up a two week assignment substitute teaching 3rd grade and it was a long two weeks. Actually. the kids were not too bad and I think that particular age has a lot of positives, but by the end I was kind of glad to move on.  The other five 3rd grade teachers asked for my business card on the last day, which made me feel pretty good :) And also very smart that I actually had business cards to give them :)

I will now once again add to my growing list of things I have learned since substitute teaching:

1. Tying teacher salaries to student performance is the single WORST idea in the history of mankind.

obama laughing  - And then i said teacher salaries  will be tied to student test scores

*Disclaimer:  Did Obama really say this?  Did he really come up with this idea?  I don't really know.  But since he is a total moron, this meme completely makes sense.  As you were.

2. The official noise of third grade is a short, whiny "Aww!" that follows after every time you say no to something.  Which is like 47 times a day.

3. Complete the analogy:
                Flame is to moth as  _______ is to third graders.

Consequences Toy Story - cap erasers. Cap erasers everywhere.

4. Kids are so very trusting.  It's a good thing I am a normal, decent human being.

evil raccoon - yes, i tallied your hero bucks corrrectly

5. Being a good reader is the key to happiness and success in ALL areas of schooling. Forever. The end.

Success Kid - parents read to me every night while growing up

6.  There is an exponential inverse relationship between the number of lunches brought from home and the day that the cafeteria serves fish nuggets.

WAT-Seal - what's wrong with fish?

7.  Never let the kids know when you completely staple your finger while collecting homework.  Just pry out the staple and cover it with one of those brown sandpaper paper towels and act like nothing happened.  And then maybe spend the rest of the day wondering if you need a tetanus shot.

8.  The real reason kids beg and plead to take the attendance to the office:

9.  Being a kid is dangerous.  There are headaches, earrings that bother you, "broken" ankles, scraped palms, splinters, loose teeth that fall out during math class, tripping over your desk, and "not being able to feel your leg." And that's just in one day.

10.  Never trust 90% of what you hear.

Maury Bishop - you said the teacher lets you sit anywhere the seating chart determined that was a lie

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