Food Stamps Of Approval

It's my favorite time of year in Sweeneyville once again!  The annual parade of food drive follies.  This year the kids and I actually helped put together the food boxes with all the collected items so I gotta give mad props to all the county employees who donated a lot of food.  I saw it all first hand and it is going to help a lot of families this year.  And a very job well done to my Dad who is in charge of the food drive every year and makes all the magic happen.  And by magic I mean "photographing of all the weird crap that gets donated for the sole purpose of entertaining my friends and family."  If you care to review past years of Food Drive awesomeness, check out 2009, 2010, and 2011.  

And may I present you with 2012

Last year it was the half-consumed 2 Liter of Coke, this year it is a used, non-winning scratch off lottery ticket.  To the givers credit, the game is named "Gingerbread Dough", so they kinda sorta get one half of a point for relating it to food.  But they also get 745 points deducted for paying $2 for a tiny square of paper.

food, noun

1. any nourishing substance that is eaten, drunk, or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy, promote growth, etc.

Nailed it.

I can see it all now. Someone was at their desk, eating some peanut butter, (with their fingers) and they happened to look over and see the food drive donation box.  Glaring at them. Waiting to be fed.  So in a flash of brilliance they put the lid back on, put it the box and considered it a good deed done.  Actually, they probably saw the box and thought, "Oooh, I should donate that crappy off-brand peanut butter no one at my house will finish."  And this inspires a meme.... 

We love ourselves some football in this great state of ours and here is the proof.  We got noodles shaped like Gator heads and orange-colored F's.  What do you got? Sissy wagon wheels?  Pretentious bowties? Tri-colored "twirls"?  But wait, there's more! Might I call your attention to the packaging that tells you this fine item also includes "Game Day Vinaigrette Mix."  Notre Dame, you may be riding high on your rainbow of Irish luck right now, but come and talk to me when you got your own officially licensed pasta WITH vinaigrette.  Check and mate.

I had to put this one on here just for the nostalgia.  But after really looking at this product, I kinda think Hostess deserves to go out of business.  Because they obviously hate everyone.  I am reminded of the question posed by comedian Jim Gaffigan, "What is the recipe for fruitcake? Anything but fruit?"  Honestly, who looks at this on the shelf and thinks, "Oh, man that looks delicious!"? I will tell you.  Stevie Wonder.

First off, how can water become any more of a weight loss product?  It's WATER!  And secondly, when you think of the perfect picture of health and weight loss, NASCAR Legend Richard Petty is pretty much the only name that comes to your mind, am I right?  I am so confused by this.  Has Richard Petty EVER had a weight loss problem? I mean, his job is to drive a tiny car, can he even be fat? Perhaps this water is the secret to his success.  Well, that and a steady diet of chewing tobacco.

On the other hand....

This is not really a dig at people who live in Auburndale, I think it's just that I have been watching Psych too much lately and thus, using my hypersensitive powers of observation when at the Auburndale Wal-Mart and AHS football games, I have deduced that this product would go over incredibly well within in that community.  Larry the Cable Guy, powdered cheese, bacon flavor, sleeveless plaid, trucker caps- it's a dead giveaway.  And a match made in hillbilly heaven.  I mean, you put this with a Hot Pocket and RC Cola and whoooooo-eeeee! Dang son, that is some good eatin'.

I think this was donated by President Obama's Food Czar. You know, Michelle?  This little bag covers a family of 12 for 2 years.  You can't be letting people choose how many carbs they want to eat! That's madness!


And finally....

Pop Quiz time!  What should you do when someone donates at Cat Food Starter Kit?

a. Donate it to the SPCA
b. Give it to a food drive volunteer who owns a cat
c. Find a cat to give away with it

We chose C.  We went out behind the building where my dad works and found a stray to put in the food box with this kit. ('Crusty' can't WAIT for Thursday to get here, let me tell you.) Hey, it's only fair that the families be able to use what was donated.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

P.S. A word of warning for all Facebook users....

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