Wednesday, November 24, 2010

From the Island of Misfit Food

You may have noticed my blog posting has been a little sporadic over the past few days. While I would love to completely blame it on a busy schedule, the fact of the matter is that I pretty much can't be on the Internet while a certain someone in this house plays Xbox or it will cause him to "lag"- so I have about a 1 hour window each day to upload pictures and blog. I haven't been slacking, just being held hostage :)

My movie watching is still going well, however, I may be hard-pressed to physically get my hands on all the movies I need by Tuesday. I did not plan that as I should.

But in the meantime, it is once again time for me to present to you the Weird and Wacky World of County Food Drive Donations! (Insert applause here)

Each year my dad is in charge of the county-wide holiday food drive. So each year he sends out emails and drops off boxes at hundreds of locations and then has to pick up all the food and sort it out. Any food that is expired is disqualified. They are not allowed to officially distribute it to the needy. Then there are some donations that just leave you scratching your head. Each year I bring you these donations. So without further ado, here are this year's Foodie Awards...

Best Donation for Elves on the Go

A 1.7 ounce bottle of Pure Vermont Maple Syrup. Not sure if this was just a company trying to make a buck off the airport liquid regulations or what, but this bottle is TINY! It is not even enough for maybe more than 2 pancakes!! First, why does this exist? Second, why would you donate it?! And third, I'm a little afraid to try this because it might be so potent that they only sell it 1.7 ounces at a time.

Best Donation with an Air of Mystery

This has got to be the most random donation ever. Take a gander at this:

Some sort of magical fish bobber orb with a button on the front. It was still wrapped in plastic, and when it came into the office, everyone started to make bets on what was inside. The consensus was that it was candy. And just what was inside it? I will tell you:


Wow, I so did not see that one coming! I let Cindy open it the other night and I think she is still confused on what the heck was in it. It even came with a little stand to display it on AND a certificate of authenticity, which immediately discredits any value it may have. It came in a protective case and is actually really heavy. I could not stop laughing. And I am pretty sure the person that donated this thing is still laughing too.

Best Donation by A Person Who Got Really Hungry on the Way to Work

This is totally awesome: A box of Mueller's Spaghetti noodles that is missing half the noodles and the end is sealed up with Scotch tape. YES. Do people think that all the noodles are put into a giant barrel and then divvied out with a scooper?

Best Donation by a Repeat Offender

If you remember last year, someone donated a sweet can of Government Peaches. Well this year I am sure the exact same person donated this:

Government Powdered Eggs! It doesn't have an expiration date on it, but I can't wait to mix these up Saturday morning. It is the equivalent of 10 EGGS, people!

Best Afterthought Donation

You just went out to lunch. You see the food donation box and think, "Oh, crap, I really should put something in there so people see I am not a heel. Wait, I got a packet of Sonny's BBQ Sauce from lunch. Problem solved." I will put it with the Travel Syrup for a future business trip.

Best Donation for the Needy Caterer

Hey, it's hard times for everyone, buddy. Caterer's need to light their chafing dishes just like anyone else. So this donation of Sterno Canned Heat Cooking fuel will be a welcome sight, ok?

Best Donation by a Person With a Very Loose Definition of "Food"

Travel deodorant? Really? I will however, give 5 Bonus Points because it is Old Spice Fiji Scented and it smells amazing. (Puh, puh pow-pow pow puh POW-ER!) Between this, the travel syrup and the BBQ sauce, my 72-hour kit is SET.

Best Donation by Someone Who Obviously Lived Through the Great Depression

Half a bag of dark brown sugar in a Ziploc bag. Most of us would think, I can't donate that! But want not, waste not! This brown sugar is perfectly useful, pal! (Okay, actually just not for this particular food drive. There are rules against accepting things that really did come from The Great Depression).

Best Magical Donation

Wow, if I understand this correctly, you just add some water and BAM! You get a lasagna! The Bishop's Storehouse should really look into this one...

Best Donation by Someone Who Wants You to get Pulled Over for DUI

"No, officer, I swear, it's Budweiser WATER!" And actually, it really is! Take a look:

I don't know where this came from or why it is even on this planet, but it was supposed to be used within one year of June 2004. For now, it stays with me until the lights go out and the trucks stop rolling. Which may be sooner than we thought given the current leader of our country and his economic genius.



Karin said...

That ball is a Pokeball. Don't ask me why I know that, since we don't watch Pokemon. And--Target had tons of movies I'd never seen for $2.99 today...just FYI. Glad you had fun & congrats on your run with Cindy!!!!

Christina said...

The drinking water was surely distributed in response to the hurricanes of 2004- Charley, Ivan, etc.

Put that in your syrup, BBQ sauce, deodorant 72 hour kit!!