TOP TWELVE WAYS HOME DEPOT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF IT WERE RUN BY RACCOONS:
(Okay, that topic probably caught you a little off-guard, so I will explain. The other night I was at a McDonald's right next to a Home Depot, and while I was sitting there, Cindy spotted a raccoon lurking around the garden department. And then this top ten list was born :)
Once again...
TOP TWELVE WAYS HOME DEPOT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF IT WERE RUN BY RACCOONS:
12. All merchandise displayed on picnic tables
11. Free rabies shot with any purchase over $300
10. Store no longer sells coolers
9. Mission statement now includes phrase, "The customer is always right (Unless he has an attitude and then you can claw his eyes out.)"
8. Customer service would improve 13%
7. Break room and dumpster would be combined into one convenient location
6. Store now only open between the hours of midnight and 4 in the morning
5. All garbage cans no longer sold with lids
4. They can recommend the best chimney based on price, durability and number of viable escape options
3. All orange vests replaced with orange masks
2. Employee of the month is always a guy named Bandit
1. More sneaking, More stealing. That's the Power of the Home Depot.
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