Television's Finest?

You know what's frustrating? Not being able to find enough shows on TV about cops, crime and murder. I mean, really, what's a girl gotta do to do to find a good drama about violence, malfeasance and uber-savvy police detectives that slickly solve crimes in 60 minutes or less with nothing but their dashing good looks and sharp attention to detail? Oh, wait, I guess I just have to turn on my TV to any channel at any hour of any day and I will find one. Silly me!


As a person living in the land without cable, my TV choices are limited to begin with. But you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a cop/crime show on television. First, there is the Law and Order series, which I believe is under some sort of Federal mandate that it be airing on a channel somewhere at least 20 hours out of every day. (Personally, I think the spin-off Law and Order: Food Stamp Patrol is a bit of a stretch....) But then we also have Rookie Blue, Dark Blue, Dark Blueish Rookies,CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Tatooine, Bones, Cold Case, Lie to Me, NCIS, Castle, The Closer, COPS, The Mentalist, Southland, Criminal Minds, Detroit 187, Memphis Beat, Rizzoli & Isles- and those are just a few of the ones currently on the air. Not to even mention the fact that Hawaii Five-0 and The Rockford Files are both being remade and coming back to TV this season. (I swear If CHiPS comes back I am taking a hostage...) Seriously? Is there really nothing else to have a show about? It's always about murder. Bo-ring! It's always about insurance money. Yawn! It's always about a mistress and revenge. Predictable! Or kidnapping, or covering up a crime and trying to get away with it, or killing your transvestite boss because he made you work one too many swing shifts. Is this really all we have to choose from? I think we need to ban all future cop/crime shows. There is just no need for them. We have plenty already! And here are the only 5 of those shows we really need:

1. COPS- The original reality TV show. Because this truth is stranger than fiction nearly 100% of the time. And like a bad accident, you just can't turn away from it....
2. Psych- Because it's hilarious. And if there's gonna be murder and crime, let's at least make it enjoyable, am I right? Plus, the facial expressions of Gus are unequaled anywhere on television.

3. Medium- Because it combines a little sci-fi and a tiny creepiness factor into police work that is about as far as I need to go into the world of death and disturbing violence.


4. Alias- I have said it before and I will say it again, Jennifer Garner on this show is one of the only actual, believable, butt-kicking girl spies I have ever seen. Every other character is too over the top in looks and attitude. I believe she really exists somewhere.

5. Monk- Because to make a good show, you need a really unique character to begin with. And 'unique' is definitely the right word for this guy.

Honorable mentions: Numb3rs (as a math teacher's wife, I am required to endorse this one), CSI Miami, Matlock, Moonlighting, Remington Steele (I am my mother's daughter), The Unusuals, and The Sweeney (even though I have never seen this British cop show, obviously it must be pretty awesome).

Don't get me wrong, cop shows have their place. It's just that it's apparently in every television time slot from 8am-8pm. Well, I gotta run, Grey's Anatomy is on. It's a drama that takes place in a hospital! Isn't that original and cool!!??

A Cindy and Luke Quickie

The kids stayed home with Jacob while I made a quick trip to my mom's house last night to borrow a movie from her. When I got home, Cindy was in the kitchen giving Luke a medal for 4th place in the "dance contest" they were having. Since it was Sunday, I was a little concerned about the music they may have chosen for their contest, but Cindy eased my fears when she told me, "Don't worry Mom, it's church music. AND, since you were gone the kitty was standing in for you and you already have three medals." As long as they say Mom and not Lady Cucuface :)


I was helping Luke say prayers last night. Usually he tells me he doesn't need help, but he was acting so silly about it I started helping him to get him on the right track. He was doing fine repeating after me, but then in the middle of the prayer, he did a big growl and said all whispery, "I don't need any help!" So I said, Okay and he started up by himself again. Well, a few seconds later, he sneezed. So I whispered, "Bless you!" He again got all mad and said, "Mom! I said I don't need any help!" Then he did a huge sigh and said very grouchily, "Bless me.....ughhhh...." and went on with the prayer :) Oh how I love that little boy!!

Picture Day

So today is picture day for Cindy. In light of last year's Go-Go-Gadget Grimace, I tried to take a few pics of Cindy this morning to loosen up the old smile muscles. I am very afraid to see what comes home in three weeks...










Well, at least she let me do her hair this morning :)

I Report, You Decide

Jacob is currently reading a psychology book about quirks. In it there is a chapter that discusses humor and jokes. It explains why certain jokes are funny, how your brain processes them, etc. The book gives several examples of different jokes that illustrate these points. So the other night as we were both reading in bed, Jacob told me one of the jokes in the book (#1). It was pretty short and simple, but I laughed out loud and almost came to tears. Maybe it was just really late (9:30pm) or I was really tired, but I just couldn't stop laughing. Then last night he read me another joke in that chapter (#2), this time it was the personal favorite of the pyschologist who wrote the book. I thought it was another excellent piece of humor. So please tell me which of the two you like best. Or neither if you don't find them funny. But come on, certainly no respectable Sweeneyville reader wouldn't find these hysterical :) Okay, maybe I am overselling just a tad...

1.

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this?"

2.

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: "Woof woof. Woof Woof Woof. Woof Woof Woof Woof."
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
The dog looks confused and replies, "But that would make no sense at all."

Mom, you are not allowed to leave a comment regarding joke #1. It is hilarious, end of story.

The Big Reveal!

As promised, the laundry room is done!

Well, okay, techinically it stil needs a doorknob and a threshold, but it is amazing.

I can't beleive we didn't do this sooner!

After all, it only took a few weeks and...

a circular saw
bandsaw
roto zip saw
jigsaw
wet tile saw
door planer
pvc pipe and couplers
pvc cement
pvc primer
sandpaper
hand wrench
drywall
6 pieces of door trim
36 feet of wall trim

cement backer board
one million drywall screws
insulation panels
electrical wire
2 blue boxes
2 gallons of paint
14 boxes of tile
7 sheets of glass tile accents
utility knife

drywall knife
cordless drill
regular drill
chisel

hammer
scissors

tape measure
flat head screw driver
phillips head screw driver
a level
12 tubes of caulk
caulk gun
nail gun
staple gun
finishing nail gun
wood putty
6 cans of texture
6 bags of grout adhesive
2 x 4's
1 x's
64 sq. feet of peg board
a shop vac
3 c-clamps
8 gallons of joint compound

AND

One amazingly talented and hard-working husband :)

And a big thank you to Sweeney's Tool Supply Co.

So here is our video:

(view it soon before YouTube takes away the music...)

It's Tentastic!

In honor of today's date being 10-10-10, here are ten random things that have to do with the number ten:


1. At least 14,000 extras and 15,000 animals were used during the filming the movie The Ten Commandments.


2. Famous people with October 10th birthdays: Brett Favre, David Lee Roth, and Tanya Tucker. And out of my 179 friends on Facebook, ZERO of them have a birthday on October 10th.


3. Here are the ten events that make up a Decathlon:

100 yard dash
Long Jump
Shot Put
High Jump
400 meters
110 meter hurdles
Discus
Pole Vault
Javelin
1500 Meters


4. Ten things that came up on Google when I typed in the word “ten” in the search box:

Tennis elbow
Tendonitis
Ten commandments
Tennessee
Teneroc high school
Ten ton hammer
Ten thousand villages
Ten years after
Tenacious D
Big Ten

5. I just looked at Jacob and asked, “Quick, what is a shape with ten sides called?” And without hesitation he said, “Decagon.” He really is a Geometry teacher! (And then he proceeded to tell me that a shape with 13 sides is called a “Thirteenagon." I'm not falling for that one, mister. So I just Googled it and NO WAY, Jose! I think it might be real, but more importantly; it is almost a veritable Googlewhack- just 2 RESULTS! I am still in shock…

6. A ten gallon hat is often thought to be large enough to hold ten gallons of water. This is not true (unless you have an exceptionally large head). The gallon in "ten gallon hat" derives from the Spanish galón meaning braid. So a ten-gallon hat is a hat with a braiding around the brim.


7. Don Carter became the first athlete of any kind to sign a $1 million (U.S.) endorsement contract, inking a multi-year deal with Ebonite International in 1964. He was a professional ten pin bowler. Boo-yah!


8. The edge of each dime has 118 reeds, or small grooves milled into it.

9. Here is the 10th picture, from the tenth picture folder on my computer (entiled "Bingham Beach Trip"). Ha! I LOVE this picture of Cindy. Best one I have ever taken :)



And finally......

10. Top Ten Rejected Top Ten List Ideas

10. Top Ten Ways to Steal Cable
9. Top Ten Roman Numerals Between ii and xviii
8. Top Ten BYU Football Victories of 2010
7. Top Ten Reasons It's Better to Build Your Laundry Room Yourself
6. Top Ten Twelve Apostles
5. Top Ten 11 Herbs and Spices
4. Top Ten Obama Speeches
3. Top Ten Vowels (Including Y!)
2. Top Ten Episodes of Dora The Explorer
1. Top Ten Things Better Than Reading This Blog

A 3-year old's Guide to the Galaxy

And now Luke offers you advice on how to have the perfect day:


First, wake up and put on your Iron Man mask. No worries, it looks awesome with dinosaur pajamas!



Awh, heck, cutting corners never works. Go and get the full Iron Man costume on. Now we're talking business!!



It borders on pleasure overload, but next head to the couch where you will watch Return of the Jedi and look completely adorable at the same time.



Great movie! Next, go find Lady Cucuface and snuggle and play. Who cares if she was peacefully sleeping? She is the family pet and we have play-on-demand in this house, dangit!



That reminds me! If it's been over 6 hours since you watched this cat video, fire it up! We have a quota to reach, you know.




Ah, I love that one. Time for lunch! I know the movie made you a little sleepy, but don't worry, you can totally fall asleep halfway through your sandwich. Just hang over the chair and it's actually pretty comfortable.






It's 1 O'clock: Fake mustache time! I love this part of the day :)



And what's on the menu for afternoon snack? Yep, it's one of those giant suckers you only see in old cartoons when a villain is trying to entice a child. (Or when a child from the 1940's is dressed like a sailor and tap dancing.)





Almost bedtime. Cuddle up with your favorite sibling and watch some Tinkerbell. I mean, some Iron Man. Tinkerbell is for sissies. I never watch girl movies.





Finally, drift off to the land of Nod, while keeping your eyes mostly open. It will freak out your mom, which is great revenge for that wretched zucchini she made you eat earlier :)

Only in the South

Well, there are a myriad of things I could blog about today. Like the fact my windows are open right now because the morning air is so pleasant (and it's only October 6th- UNHEARD OF!), or how Luke went to the dentist yesterday and allowed them to take x-rays, clean his teeth and he didn't even really cry! (SO PROUD!) or how my lifelong friend Karin is moving and I still haven't really come to terms with the fact she is leaving me :( But instead, I am gonna go with this:



The business card a very odd man left the other day when asking if he could give me a quote on trimming my oak trees. Only in the South.

Russian Velvet, If You Please

As we continue to work on the laundry room, we have hit the stage where it comes time to paint. Oh joy of joys! Let me just get this fact officially out in the open about myself: I suck at picking paint colors. I SUCK! I like to think I'm okay at it, but let's be honest, Stevie Wonder would do a better job at choosing a color scheme than me. I always, always, ALWAYS guess the wrong color. And not by a little. A month ago I was going for the color "sage" in my TV room and when I bought the paint, got it home and put some on the wall, it was like I was living in Wrigley's Spearamint Gum World. So going to Lowe's this past week and committing to a color for our laundry room was absolutely excruciating. I finally picked "Light Sage" and though it is not exactly what I wanted (big surprise there!) it'll work. Anyhow, the entire point of this story is to point out the ridiculous names of paint colors. Have you read some of these things lately? You don't get to have just blue or aqua, you get to have Beckoning Sea. Forget red, you get Lava Flow. Brown is out. Pumpkin Bread is in. Oh, the poetry! And here for your entertainment is a little online quiz I found called The Paint Game. It gives you the name of a paint color and you have to match it to the correct shade. It changes a little every time you go to the site and I have yet to do better than 3 out of 10. Jacob did 7 out of 10 first try. I guess we all know who should be picking out colors from now on.

Click here to play the game.

And after a bit of further research I was able to get ahold of a top secret memo from the executives at Valspar. According to the memo, here are last year's....

TOP SEVENTEEN REJECTED VALSPAR PAINT NAMES

17. Mystic Liver
16. Sun-dried Gauze
15. Flaming bagworm
14. Artisan Truck Stop
13. Vintage Gizzard
12. Whisper of Bolus
11. Shimmering Cess
10. Moldy Fudge
9. Jaundice Everlasting
8. Barely Bruised
7. Cream of Elmo
6. Bloody Pulp
5. Fungal Monsoon
4. Hard Boiled Hornet
3. Spiced Gopher
2. Spearamint Mistake
1. Septic Bisque

Let's just say that 2009 was a rough year for turnover in the Valspar marketing department...

AND, that my awesome laundry room will be debuting in T-minus 7 days. Next Monday all shall be revealed!!!

2 Luke Quickies

It was 4:30am a few Tuesday mornings ago and I was awakened by a sleepy Luke who told me two things: "Mom, I need to go pooh. And I need some cheese balls." And he really did need those two things. Once he finished both, he went right back to sleep. He is nothing if not efficient.


The other day Luke and I were in the car waiting for Cindy to get off the bus. While we were waiting he was out of his carseat and happily playing with a little train named Percy. Then he spied a stormtrooper action figure wedged down under my seat. I fished it out and said, "Awesome, now it can be Percy Vs. the Stormtrooper!" (hoping he would catch my vision of having them have a pretend battle with each other.) He did not catch my vision. Instead he got really excited and asked, "OOOh! Do we have that movie????!!!" Come to think of it, a Star Wars/Thomas mash-up movie would be flippin' sweet! For now, this photo is closest mash-up we get:


Yet again, I love the Internet. And so does Luke, who can't stop looking at this picutre and smiling.