How to Celebrate the 4th of July in 12 Easy Steps

1. Suffer a massive 5 hour intestinal attack at 3am
2. Get three hours of sleep and take a lot of drugs
3. Miss the annual ward pancake breakfast
4. Somehow manage to make sugar cookies with your kids four hours later
5. Barely eat anything the rest of the day
6. Sluff off your kids at your parent's house
7. Donate plasma
8. Fail miserably at taking a nap
9. Remember you have to do Sharing Time the next day at church
10.  Pick up said kids from your parent's house
11.  Watch your redneck neighborhood's fireworks display on the way home and count that as your "festivities"
12. Take one picture the entire day:

You gotta admit, these are pretty amazing.
Nothing says Independence Day quite like Yoda, a dolphin and an ice cream cone, am I right?

My Official Review of Jurassic World

Since I kinda sorta remember seeing the original movie Jurassic Park, I thought that Jacob and I should go see Jurassic World.  I mean, this movie made $500 million on opening weekend so we pretty much had to go and see what the fuss was all about. And now I can safely say, I am not exactly sure what the fuss was all about....


Cons

Super. slow. start. Just start eating people already!
Screenplay was horrible
Aunt Claire was horrible
Her ugly white dress was horrible
The fact that Owen liked her at all was horrible
HER HIGH HEELS WERE HORRIBLE  (Hey, you know how you can run faster in a fashionable pump? Umm, no...)
Vincent D'Onfrio turns out to be a creepy bad guy??!  No. Way.
The Indominus Rex is part raptor??!  No. Way.
The mission control guy tried so hard to be the comic relief character but it just failed miserably

The whole 'military' angle of training raptors for battle was........a little out there and obviously inserted by the anti-military Hollywood crowd

The ending was ridiculous on so many levels.  ("Why, thank you T-Rex for coming out and trying to eat only the one thing we hoped you might.  And thanks for running slow and ignoring everyone else because you somehow knew we needed your help.  You're swell!")
The biggest takeaway:  Pterodactyls ruin everything.


Pros

Chris Pratt looks great in zookeeper attire
You came to see guys get eaten, and dangit, you got to see guys get eaten! (eventually)
The older brother looks just like a young Sean Astin in Goonies
I did love the part where mission control guy tried to kiss mission control girl and she completely denied him
They did use a lot of the original music from Jurassic Park, which I love
Used a gift card to buy the tickets (cha-ching!)
Got to see a new Minion trailer
The movie got out at 4pm, which was perfect timing to get a half priced Nutella shake at Stake 'n Shake

I would have to give this movie 2.5 out of 5 stars.  It was entertaining, yes, but as Jacob and I discussed, there are only so many things a director can ask the audience to accept even though they are completely impossible.  This movie just had way too many of those impossibilities.  Minus four thousand points for Bryce Dallas Howard's awful red hair and a bonus 18 points for the fact that everyone in movies always drives a vintage motorcycle with giant headlight on the front.

Photobomb level: Cindy

Today I got my new Sam's Club card.  (I know, I know, I swore I would never go back there because they are the WORST, but a Groupon's a Groupon, people.)  Anyway, as the emotionless cashier took my picture for the card, Cindy decided to jump in.  I was certain she actually didn't make it in the picture or at least the lady would make me take it again, but nope, we are now a two-headed monster.

Again, still working on getting that new camera phone...

I Love America

Two weeks ago on Sunday we were in my parents living room laying around after a big meal.  As my dad laid on the floor, he lamented that he actually had to lift up his head to see the television.  First world problems, I know.  But sometimes a pillow is like, 4 feet away and what are you supposed to do?  Get up?  No way!  My dad said, "They need to make some sort of glasses that allow me to lay on my back and still see the TV."  (Enter amazon.com) And then the very next week, on Father's Day, as we were laying around the living room after eating a big meal, my dad was wearing these:

Okay, to be fair, he did still have to use a pillow for some head propping, on account of his belly being in the way (his words, not mine), but seriously, when you put these glasses on, 

it's like having the TV installed on your ceiling.  They really work!

Mom loved them too.  Mostly for the fashion statement they made.  Which was, fashion schmashion!

And then we decided that Luke needed to box against Diavo while wearing them, 

which proved to be a little disorienting.  Yet immensely entertaining for the rest of us. 

And then I decided that I need to hurry it on up with my plans to buy a new phone with a 13MP camera, because that picture might as well have been taken with Google Earth.  Sheesh!

Who needs to see a good sproing?

I have been a little under the weather for the past few days, so let's all take a moment to watch a cat video and see if we can't get things back to normal around here.

Telestrations anyone?

One of my kids' favorite games to play in the whole wide world is Telestrations, which is essentially Pictionary mixed with Telephone.  The first person draws the given word, the second person writes down their guess, the third person then illustrates that guess and so on and so forth, e plurbis unum, de facto, patronus.  I have to admit that this game really is hilarious, especially when you play with Luke, who makes the cutest drawings AND has no ulterior motives.  After Sunday's game with Grandma and Grandpa, I took a few pictures of some of the highlights....

This word:

Was drawn as this: (by my mom)

Which I thought was:

And Luke drew that as this:

Which Cindy thought was.....

But wait! There's more!

"Hide and Seek" was drawn like this: (by my dad)

(that's actually pretty good, right?)

 Which Cindy thought was:

(You know, shame buildings.  They're everywhere!)

Which my mom tried to illustrate for me by drawing this:

Which I confidently knew had to be one of these:

Which Luke creatively drew as this:

(Please note the "hair" on this grandfather.  Accurate.)  

And then my dad obviously knew he was looking at a:

Nailed it!

Okay, one last short one:

My dad wrote this down:

And Cindy could not read the writing.  Which turned into this:

That cloak is so.....cuckoo!!!

A cuckoo cloak.  Harry Potter had one of those, right? 

A Luke Quickie

The other day while driving in the car Luke was feeling talkative.  He told me, "My most all-time worst store to have to go into is Lowe's.  My second worst store to have to go into is a store that I don't know what it is for and I only have ever seen it and it is called "Pep Boys."  Then I told him that Pep Boys was an auto parts store and he said, "Okay, then I really don't want to go in there." Seriously though, Luke complains about so little in life, that when he does, you know he hates it. Consequently, other things that actually make Luke verbally complain include having to eat coleslaw or listen to "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran.  He will NOT do either.

Order Up!

You know how you order fast food at a restaurant and they ask for your name so they can call you when it's ready?  I think I have mentioned it before, but my dad loves to give fake names.  And here is the picture evidence from Wendy's earlier tonight....

What, he doesn't strike you as a Ling Chow?

If It Weren't For the Internet...

You would never see things like this.  I don't think I want to live in that kind of a world.  

link

Let The Bucket List Begin

Cindy and Luke wrapped up their last day of school today!  One day earlier than everyone else. Because McKeel is so hipster and they were ending classes one day earlier before it was even cool.
And one of these years Cindy will appreciate the fact that I blast "What Time Is It? (Summertime)" from High School musical on the last day of school in the car every year.  So far, nothing but embarrassment and eye rolling.  Which I still can view as a parenting win.

That is a genuine smile from Cindy that lasted .03564 seconds.  I have cat like reflexes.
   

They got to wear anything they wanted on the last day in exchange for donating old uniforms to the clothes closet.  It wasn't nearly the struggle as it has been in years past to find an actual wearable plain clothes outfit for school.  They both went with green, which only confirms what I already know. They're a team.  (A very secret team.)