Sorry to keep everyone waiting so long, but I can ignore the clamor no more! Without further ado, I give you the results of this year's Thanksgiving Food Drive.
Best Donation of a Dead Giveaway
Someone's version of stealth mode needs a little more effort. Slipping us some expired food with the dates marked out with a Sharpie isn't exactly the best way to not draw attention to the code date. Better luck next year. However, we will be on the lookout for your duct tape and silver paint.
Best Donation with the Intent to Kill
Could Vienna sausage get any less appetizing? I really didn't think it was possible, but suddenly I see how wrong I was.
Best Donation by a Canadian that Inspires a Song Parody:
(The competition in this category is so tough every year, so really, it's an honor just to be
Each year we look forward to being introduced to new brand names of food. This year we learned of the brand No Name©, or for those of you reading this in Quebec, Sans Nom. During my 11 second research spree on Wikipedia, I learned that this a Canadian brand.
Which is incredibly ironic because can't you hear America singing now?
♪"I gave vanilla pudding in a box with No Name,
It felt good to give some thing so plain,
In the food drive, you can't remember who gave
'Cause there ain't no one for to take down your name " ♪
La, la, laaa, laa la la la la, la la laa laaa lah!
Best Donation by a Mailman
Can I prove Karl Malone gave this? No. But someone who loves mail obviously did. Food drive, you say? Hmm, this lenticular postcard should do the trick.
The "Here, you throw this away" Award
Because maybe there is a needy family out there with a lot of HotPockets and no sleeves.
Best Donation for the Needy Baby Shower Hostess
Some of the food boxes that were ultimately given out did include a cake mix and frosting, so I can see where they thought this could come in handy......for Thanksgiving....?
The Winner of the "Not Even Close Award"
They were only off by 19 years. Just missed it!
Listen to Morpheus.