I'm pretty sure Jacob has never said any of these. Well, maybe #11, but those were suicides, not push ups...
TOP TWELVE THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR COACH:
12. Are you on this team?
11. Drop and give me 4,260!
10. Thanks for trying out, you made the team that trims my toenails
9. Tebow, if you turn that Gatorade into wine one more time, you're sitting the bench!
8. That cup ain't for drinkin' with, son
7. Of course I am qualified to coach you, I was a community organizer and that makes you qualified for anything
6. Welcome to the Penn State Football Team, my name is Jerry
5. Dude, I crawled all over inside your box of Lucky Charms last night. Oh wait, that's something you never want to hear from a roach, sorry....
4. Practice will start as soon as the alien that abducted me last night gives me back my clipboard
3. Hold on, give me that back- that XXXL jersey is WAY too small for you
2. Whoa, whoa, whoa...slow down there. So when it's 3&2 it's 3 balls and two strikes?
1. Great practice, see you in 12 years