Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A Moment of Silence

Let us all take a moment to mourn the loss of fashion sense and also the obvious disappearance of the head designer at Nike Soccer, who has been kidnapped and replaced by The Duke of Kent, president of the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet club.

I never thought in a million years that I would be longing for the Waldo uniforms of 2012-13, but that is the awkward position I find myself in today when the new uniforms for US Soccer were revealed. When I first saw the new kit, I didn't think it was that bad.  And then I saw this picture:

If you must, click here for the original image, which I do not own at all, nor would I want to.

And now I want to weep and die. This is the most un-American, non-masculine, tennis-esque uniform that ever was designed.  I mean, someone got paid for thinking of "all white with a collar"? In the same vein as Jim Gaffigan, I have to ask myself about the marketing meeting that took place to pitch this design.  It was some guy saying, "You know how people love to play soccer in a golf shirt?"   "Um, no, but go on."  "Well, the shirt could have a collar and be white.  And the shorts would be white.  And the socks would be white too.  And then you could go sailing right after the game and not even have to change."  "I love it.  It's not as good as your doctor's scrubs, but not bad."  Oy.  And the uniform carnage didn't stop there.  The Tampa Bay Bucs also released their new uniforms today and were obviously jealous of all the criticism US Soccer was getting because here is Nike's contribution to the other football:

I look ridiculous and I am not happy about it.
Another image I am glad I do not own.

What is going on at Nike??  These are better than the creamsicles of yesteryear, sure.  But do we have to look like we are wearing the game clock?  Why, Nike, WHY???

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