DJ's Rule! Or, I mean, Rules of the DJ

Every six months or so it happens that Jacob gets double booked for DJing a Stake Dance or wedding reception. Therefore, I, the second best DJ in all the land, get to go and brush up on my mad DJ skills. So Saturday night I had the privilege of being the DJ for the Tri Stake Youth Dance at our building. Now, back in the day when I was a youth at Stake Dances, I always thought I could do a better job than the DJ- and last night I was pestered all night by a kid who obviously felt the same way. So as I was thinking about that experience, and remembering all the many dances I have done and kids I have interacted with, I have decided to present you here and now with....(drumroll please) The 10 Rules of Song Requests and DJ Interaction Etiquette. Ta-da! Oh, and these aren't meant to be mean or jade you- mostly they come from fond memories of dances of the past 9 years. And the realization that no mater where you go, people are pretty much the same :)


1. The way to a DJ's heart is to tell them how great they are-not how you really feel about them. If you want even a chance of getting your song played, do you honestly think saying "So when are you going to play something good?" is the way to go? Hardly.
2. Even if the DJ agrees to maybe play your song, you definitely do not get to decide when it gets played. Great dances have great flow and momentum, and playing someone's "Favorite Song" right when they request it most definitely will kill any it had going. This leads right into...
3. Give the DJ some time to play the music! If the dance is from 8-11pm- the last thing we want to hear is someone at 8:07 and then 8:18 and then at 8:19 ask us when we are going to play the Cha Cha Slide. That is why we make the big bucks- to judge the crowd and play things accordingly. Besides, we can't burn up all our good stuff with two hours left to go.
4. Nine out of ten songs the DJ plays, he personally hates. We don't play all those goofy songs because we like them- we play them because they work. We secretly do not have a mix CD in our car with Macarena, Cotton-eyed Joe and Electric Slide on it that we listen to on repeat anytime we drive somewhere. You think you have heard those songs a million times??? No, you haven't. :) I have calculated that I have heard the Boot Scootin Boogie more than 400 times- but you can't argue with the fact that it makes 150 teenagers have a great time.
5. If your requested song is not on mainstream radio, you have no chance of hearing it. Seriously, when a kid comes to me and says "Do you have "Melting" by The Screaming Popsicles?" what am I supposed to say? Come on, people. Get real. Which leads me to....
6. Just because it is YOUR favorite song, DOES NOT mean "Everyone else will like it". No, they won't. I am the DJ and I don't get to play MY favorite songs- it is about pleasing the masses, not the individual.
7. If by some miracle your request is played, for the love of all things good and holy- Dance to it!!!!!!! Do not endlessly pester me to play a song only to stand around and Sing it. It is called a "dance" (not a "radio") for a reason. (And do not be in the bathroom when I play your request, either. Stick around!)
8. NEVER start speaking to us by using the phrase "Hey, I have this CD out in my car and I was wondering..." This will not end well.
9. Deep down, DJs don't like announcing birthdays, dedications, or any other announcements in general. It clutters the dance.
10. When we ask for requests, we are assuming that you already know the song you want to hear. It is really not an invitation to come and look through our music while we are still trying to DJ the dance. Additionally, our music is usually not organized in any meaningful way to anyone but us. Thus, you just might find that CD we have that has the theme from Neverending Story- as well as Stand by Your Man and Up In Here by DMX. It isn't going to help you too much.

There, you have just gained access into the enigmatic mind of a DJ. Use this information wisely and you just might get to hear "Melting" by the Screaming Popsicles at your next dance.