Because as a Mom, you wear just every single kind there is. You are officially everything to everyone. Why, just the other day I was pondering (in my pondering chair, of course) about all the different demands we Moms have on our time. And then I starting thinking about my official Mother's Resume, which needs to be updated, because here is just some of the occupational "experience" I need to include:
Dental Assistant- "Alright, open up and say AhhhhhOooh my gosh! I can't believe you still even have teeth!"
Psychologist- "So what I hear you saying is that you can't be Olivia's best friend anymore because she and Hope played horses without you at recess today and she got the purple scissors during art centers, is that right?"
Saleswoman- I'm still working on going for "the close" when trying to get the kids to eat to eat vegetables, or when convincing Jacob I need more money in the grocery budget. I just can't seem to resolve his concerns on that one...
Hair stylist- I offer you the choice of "The Jacob"- only $7.95, (shampoo extra) or the Double Mini Ponytail with ridiculous Cowlick accent- and I will pay
you to wear that one
Waitress- "So that's two hot dogs, cut into small pieces, on a Spider-man plate with Ketchup hair-do, no vegetables, 12 pounds of cut up cantalope and a large cup of juice you can spill all over the table? That'll be right up."
Veterinarian- Currently reading the book,
Pet Rabbits, and was horrified to learn that you are not supposed to feed Rosa tomatoes or cucumbers. They did not cover that in class!
Judge- "I find in favor of Luke. Cindy you are hereby guilty of first degree teasing with the intent to interrupt Thomas the Train. You are hereby sentenced to 6 minutes of sitting on your bed and 1 hour of community service in the kitchen."
Mail clerk- Alright, who ordered the Barbie Encyclopedias?
Artist- My Play-doh version of Gary the Snail is legendary. Unlike my play-doh heart with a cow cut out of the center. A big thumbs down from Luke on that one.
Storyteller- "And that's when the genie came out of the bottle and gave Cindy three wishes! And her first wish was....."
Pharmacist- Of
course I am not going to give her the diphenylhydrene in combination with the antihistamine blocker. Clearly she just needs some Dextromethorphan in a higher dosage. DUH!
Detective- Constantly cracking the case of
The Mystery of the Missing ShoeDoctor- "Well, if your thumb keeps hurting, I guess we're just gonna have to cut the whole thing off."
Magician- "And now, prepare to be astounded as I add red and yellow food coloring to your bathwater.....Behold, it becomes ORANGE!!!!!"
Tax preparer- There's just gotta be a way to claim Yoshi as a dependent.
Dance Teacher- Hampsterdance! From the top, and 5,6,7,8!
Writer- Postcard #27, Shark Teeth Identification Chart, is lookin' pretty sweet!
Superhero- Yes, I washed your school uniform. And I know where your shinguards are. And I bought a present for Hailey's birthday party. And fed the rabbit. Your lunch is in your backpack. And the Tinkerbell movie was behind your dresser. Yes, we will go swimming. And here is your money for book fair. Your oatmeal is ready. Yes, it has chocolate chips. OK, just a few more minutes on the tire swing. And one more game of Connect Four. And Yes, I will put this on the blog :)
To all the Moms out there- Happy Mother's Day! And be careful- because while this blog
is, hat hair is no laughing matter.
Last week we went swimming (shocking, right?) and every time Cindy would jump in the pool, I noticed that she would yell out some sort of exclamation. So on her first jump she shouted, "Cannonball!!!" and then on her second jump, it was "Geronimo!" Then on her third jump I realized just how much our little world has changed in the last few weeks, because as she jumped in she yelled out, "CENSUS MEETING!!!"
I seriously cannot believe that the balloon that Grandma Bingham got for Luke at our Day Out With Thomas the Train- IS STILL FLOATING!! That officially makes today the 30th day that it has been in the air! I am debating starting a blog betting pool of when it will finally hit the ground. Hmmmm, there might be a widget idea in there somewhere....
Superhero- Yes, I washed your school uniform. And I know where your shinguards are. And I bought a present for Hailey's birthday party. And fed the rabbit. Your lunch is in your backpack. And the Tinkerbell movie was behind your dresser. Yes, we will go swimming. And here is your money for book fair. Your oatmeal is ready. Yes, it has chocolate chips. OK, just a few more minutes on the tire swing. And one more game of Connect Four. And Yes, I will put this on the blog :)
It's not that I don't appreciate that Jacob works his guts out to support us, I do. Really! But let's face it, I kind of consider 'having to work' as one of those things that makes you a man. You gotta work and provide for your family- it just goes with the territory. But to walk a mile in his moccasins for a week or two (and he does wear moccasins everyday, being Choctaw and all) certainly helps me see things with a different set of eyes. For example, I am constantly in an opposite rhythm than Jacob most days. When he is getting home and wanting to veg out, I am ready to leave the house and see the outside world. When he is starving and waiting anxiously for dinner after walking through the door, I am moving like a tortoise because I have been eating all day, and, clearly, what's the rush? And for the most part I decide that he is the weird one and must conform to my way of feeling. But after working for a few weeks full-time, I am realizing just how taxing the routine can be and how totally justified he is in his thinking. I get it now, honey. I am sorry for not understanding that more clearly :) And it is not just empathy for Jacob, it is also for my Mom, who has worked ever since I can remember and had FOUR kids to manage at the same time! I am working part-time with two kids and I can't get a load of laundry done to save my life. It's incredible! So thanks for working, Mom. I don't think I ever understood enough how difficult that was/is. And to my Dad too :) You both are great examples to me. Alright, enough already! Quit reading this excellent blog, and get back to work!
