The Island of Misfit Gifts

As Christmas is almost here and, as I am that one annoying friend you have that is done with all her shopping before the 10th of December, I feel it my duty to share with you some wonderful gift ideas.  I have come to learn that a part of being a Bingham is being a great gift giver.  It is just something we are good at. (When we want to be, as my brother Dave would say)  So if you are stumped with what to get someone, take a gander at these fine ideas and you can thank me the next time you see me.


Raise your hand if you love squirrels.  Anyone? Squirrels?  Exactly. No one likes squirrels. They are hideous vermin and need to be annihilated.  And what better way to send this message to all of them then by hanging this bad boy on your wall.  Personally, I love how annoyed the squirrel looks, as if he he is still alive and hating every minute of being treated this way.  He also appears to be plotting crazy squirrel revenge, so sleep with one eye open.

order here

Okay, fine.  Perhaps there are some people SOMEWHERE on this planet that actually like squirrels.  And that want to put tiny little clothes on them.  They have my pity. And also this gift suggestion:

order here

I know what you're thinking.  How ridiculous that they only make those for boys! 

Well, not so fast Judgey McJudgerson- 

order here

Don't think that having them wear clothes is going to make me feel any different about squirrels, mind you.

Is your canned soda in a rut?  Does your Diet Coke stay confined to the fridge all day with no hope of a social life? Or driver's license? Well, dangit, it's time you did something for them.  Like drive them around in a little dune buggy.  It's marketed as the remote controlled "Beverage Buggy" but come on, you don't buy this for yourself because you are too lazy to walk to the fridge.  No, you get this so your Diet Dr. Pepper can go on a date at least once before it dies.

order here

Excuse me, I believe I ordered the LARGE coffee.  Wow, I don't know if I should order this or just super glue a handle onto my 5 quart mixing bowl and save myself the trouble.  Plus also, are the crazy eyes included just because of the sheer shock of the size of this cup or do I need to drink that much coffee to make make them almost explode?

order here

Now, lest you think I am being purely sarcastic with my suggestions, check out this little invention. I am seriously thinking of ordering this pizza slicer fork so my kids can eat pancakes without my assistance once in their lives.  It's so genius I can hardly stand it!

order here

Question: What do you get someone who has everything?  Answer: The thumb of an ogre.  Just kidding, that's too weird.  No,you get them this Yodelling Pickle.  Yodle-lay-lee-who in the world is buying this?

order here

Last Christmas I helped my sister-in-law Kelly find my brother a Beardo- you know one of those knit caps that also comes with a knit beard attached to it?  I have now realized we could have done waaaay better.  It could have had knit dreadlocks!  My life is a failure.

But wait, perhaps you want a beard, but don't want itchy wool to touch your face.  Inflatable beard, to the rescue!

order here

But wait, maybe you need to one-up your neighbor who bought that lame, black inflatable beard and didn't know about the way more awesome Inflatable Beard of Bees!  In your face, neighbor! (Or, on your face, as the case may be.)

order here

And speaking of Japanese people, they come up with some doozies for presents, don't they?  Here we have the "lap pillow."  Which is an actual fake lap.  Because you can't stop them from doing this.  It's already done.

Whatever you do, do NOT order here

You know what your Christmas tree is missing this year? Santasquatch. Duh.  The trick is placing him in your tree where no one can get a really good look at him.  And be careful!  When you finally coax your friends over to see this yuletide yeti, he will be impossible to find.   

order here for Justin Adams

Okay, Japanese people, you have one chance to redeem yourself.  

Medieval armored knight hoodie?  Oh, alright.

order here

Do you have an annoying friend that is acting way too American these days?  Settle him down with this "Look and Feel Canadian Instantly Breath Spray." 

order here, eh

And by "settle him down" I mean "horribly downgrade."




We all know how much cats like to wear hats. One of the best selling books of all time was about that very subject, was it not?  So quit giving them something that every other cat in the world is going to be wearing and let them be a true one of a kind. Actually, a cat that would wear a hat would, in and of itself, be one of a kind, but this hat makes them, "the center of the universe." Rim shot!

order here

Okay, don't tell anyone, but secretly I think this "Bed Bug Cocoon" for hotel travelers is actually just a regular blanket.  I will check Familysearch.org to confirm this is the Snuggie's cousin.

order here

Since my kids always have two or three (or seven) rolls of toilet paper open and being used at the same time anyway, this Strong Man toilet paper holder would at least make it fun.

order here

And finally, we all know a manly guy out there that is a little embarrassed by having to push around a sissy baby stroller.  (Which is NOT the guy in this picture, by the way. He looks like a PE teacher.  Couldn't they get Chuck Norris or Bear Grylls to push this thing? But I digress...)  Enter, "The Manliest Stroller Ever Made."  Also doubles as that little cart thing on the railroad tracks that Wylie Coyote pumps to get away from the Roadrunner.

order here

P.S. There's a lot more of where this came from if you'll keep reading this blog with me.