It's a good thing hats look good on me

Because as a Mom, you wear just every single kind there is. You are officially everything to everyone. Why, just the other day I was pondering (in my pondering chair, of course) about all the different demands we Moms have on our time. And then I starting thinking about my official Mother's Resume, which needs to be updated, because here is just some of the occupational "experience" I need to include:


Dental Assistant- "Alright, open up and say AhhhhhOooh my gosh! I can't believe you still even have teeth!"

Psychologist- "So what I hear you saying is that you can't be Olivia's best friend anymore because she and Hope played horses without you at recess today and she got the purple scissors during art centers, is that right?"

Saleswoman- I'm still working on going for "the close" when trying to get the kids to eat to eat vegetables, or when convincing Jacob I need more money in the grocery budget. I just can't seem to resolve his concerns on that one...

Hair stylist- I offer you the choice of "The Jacob"- only $7.95, (shampoo extra) or the Double Mini Ponytail with ridiculous Cowlick accent- and I will pay you to wear that one

Waitress- "So that's two hot dogs, cut into small pieces, on a Spider-man plate with Ketchup hair-do, no vegetables, 12 pounds of cut up cantalope and a large cup of juice you can spill all over the table? That'll be right up."

Veterinarian- Currently reading the book, Pet Rabbits, and was horrified to learn that you are not supposed to feed Rosa tomatoes or cucumbers. They did not cover that in class!

Judge- "I find in favor of Luke. Cindy you are hereby guilty of first degree teasing with the intent to interrupt Thomas the Train. You are hereby sentenced to 6 minutes of sitting on your bed and 1 hour of community service in the kitchen."

Mail clerk- Alright, who ordered the Barbie Encyclopedias?

Artist- My Play-doh version of Gary the Snail is legendary. Unlike my play-doh heart with a cow cut out of the center. A big thumbs down from Luke on that one.

Storyteller- "And that's when the genie came out of the bottle and gave Cindy three wishes! And her first wish was....."

Pharmacist- Of course I am not going to give her the diphenylhydrene in combination with the antihistamine blocker. Clearly she just needs some Dextromethorphan in a higher dosage. DUH!

Detective- Constantly cracking the case of The Mystery of the Missing Shoe

Doctor- "Well, if your thumb keeps hurting, I guess we're just gonna have to cut the whole thing off."

Magician- "And now, prepare to be astounded as I add red and yellow food coloring to your bathwater.....Behold, it becomes ORANGE!!!!!"

Tax preparer- There's just gotta be a way to claim Yoshi as a dependent.

Dance Teacher- Hampsterdance! From the top, and 5,6,7,8!

Writer- Postcard #27, Shark Teeth Identification Chart, is lookin' pretty sweet!

Superhero- Yes, I washed your school uniform. And I know where your shinguards are. And I bought a present for Hailey's birthday party. And fed the rabbit. Your lunch is in your backpack. And the Tinkerbell movie was behind your dresser. Yes, we will go swimming. And here is your money for book fair. Your oatmeal is ready. Yes, it has chocolate chips. OK, just a few more minutes on the tire swing. And one more game of Connect Four. And Yes, I will put this on the blog :)



To all the Moms out there- Happy Mother's Day! And be careful- because while this blog is, hat hair is no laughing matter.