Sneaky Backblogging

I need to take this opportunity to document the following things that have not yet made it on the blog over the past few months:

Never give Luke an ice cream cone while he is wearing a shirt. His pot belly is the collection point for the melting runoff. And never give Cindy an ice cream cone unless you are prepared for dancing and shenanigans.



We now have a tire swing!

Thanks to my dear friend Karin, who gave me the tire :)

A few weeks back I went into Cindy's classroom at school for a special "Mother's Day Tea"- which, very thankfully, turned out to be "Mother's Day Sprite." Seeing as how we do not drink tea, Cindy was almost in tears when she brought the initial invitation home. Oh, sweet little Cindy :)





A few weeks ago Luke went into his room while trying to take off his church clothes. Then it got really quiet and this is what we found. Buttons 1, Luke 0.



Cindy is now swimming without floaties. She still has to have her flippers and mask on, but she is doing about a million times better than before. And it is all because of Aunt Linnley, master swim teacher extraordinaire! No seriously, Cindy will tell you all about it :)



Hear ye, hear ye! Let it be known that Cindy requested salad for dinner 4 times last week! Her romance with Ranch dressing continues. I'm so happy!!!

Lost in Translation

You know how you help your kids say their prayers when they are first learning? You say a phrase and then they repeat it? Well, Luke has decided to start calling an audible on some of the things I tell him to say. Not sure if he just thinks my suggestions are lame or maybe I just give him too much at once and he can't remember it all. But seriously, this kid is cracking me up! Here are the actual last few examples of his prayer translations:

Me: "Thank you for this day...."
Luke: "Please bless we can go to the new park...."

Me: '"Thank you for our blessings...."
Luke: "Please bless I can have a giant birthday cake..."

Me: "Help Luke to sleep good..."
Luke: "Please help Mom to be nice to Cindy..."

That last one hit a little too close to home.


And one more for the road:

We are doing some serious potty training around here this week. Yesterday Luke did so good and made it almost the whole day without an accident. At about 5pm I heard him go in the bathroom by himself, and when Jacob knocked on the bathroom door, Luke said he was going and didn't need help. Awesome! Then about 15 minutes later I noticed that his pants were all wet. I asked him, "Didn't you just go potty in the toilet?" And he said, "Yeah, but I didn't take my pants off." Noted. We will review the procedure for removing pants before sitting on the potty.

30-Day Compliment Fest

Okay, we are now moving on to the next 30-Day Challenge! Mark Twain once said, "I could live for two months off a good compliment" and I think he was right on the money. As I think about the times when I have received an unexpected compliment, they have really stuck with me for a long time. So my new project is working on giving compliments. Genuinely. In my life I find that I think compliments all the time, but rarely do I speak them. So this 30-Day Challenge is all about learning to talk and saying the kind words I am thinking. But to clarify, it is not about making up fake things to say or going back in time and making amends with people, but more about saying the things that I am genuinely feeling in the moment. So watch out, I might just be thinking something kind about you! Actually, I do all the time, but this time you might just find out about it :)


P.S. Technically I am doing two challenges at once, but only really blogging about one. I am doing thirty days of ab workouts now, just as I did 30 days of working out my arms- but that gets pretty old and boring for eveyone else, so I won't really mention it again...

Georgia was on my mind

So I decided to go there this past weekend. Actually, we bought some new speakers for our DJ business off eBay and they were in Chattanooga, TN. However, we made a deal with the seller to meet just before Atlanta so I would not have to be in a car for eleventy twelve hours at a time. Bless hid name to the third generation for making that concession. Anyway, my mom came with and we had a good time in the car for 16 hours. Mom is a great co-pilot. If you ever need to take someone along on a road trip, take her. Here is why: 1. She brings great traveling snacks. 2. She is good at reading mapquest printout directions. 3. She is up for adventure and doesn't criticize you too much when you choose the absolute smelliest and most disgusting "Stuckey's" in all of southern Georgia to stop for gas. Seriously, I must have radar for that- never trust me to choose the gas station. But we had some good times. We stopped in Tifton at the Adcock Pecan factory world outlet cafe gift shop place-thing and loaded up on our Georgia booty. For me, it was Candied Pecans, Dark Chocolate Covered Pecans, Roasted Pecan Syrup (did i ever tell you that I LOVE pecans?) and a basket of Peaches for Jacob. AND best of all I got some sweet postcards. I can't wait to send anything that says Okeefenokee on it! For mom it was some peaches, some quirky BBQ sauce for my Dad (who is a collector of BBQ sauce bottles and the like) and of course postcards. She put me to shame by buying 20- mostly for my dad's stockpile he keeps year round. And best of all we stopped in Valdosta, GA to have dinner with my brother Dave and Misty and Addie. I only took one picture on the whole trip and here it is:


Oh man, that girl is soooo cute! We only stayed an hour or so, I had to make it back to the Stake Center in Lakeland by 10pm, where Jacob was DJing the stake dance and awaiting my arrival. We pulled in there at 9:56pm- what timing! And then Jacob hooked up the speakers into his current DJ system and blew everyone's eardrums to absolute smithereens. Besides the day he married me, I am pretty sure it was the happiest moment of his life :)

Thanks again for going with me, Mom. You are the best!

Insert your own joke here

Like throwing a softball to Albert Pujols....


"Somebody catch that disgusting, sniveling rodent! Oh, and make sure you get that furry little critter on the floor too."

Rat infestation plagues presidential Rose Garden!

Secret Service Director: If that rat is going to be part of this press conference, can someone get him a teleprompter?
Secret Service Agent: President Obama already has one, sir.

Oh, I could go on for hours....

What's the big idea?

Okay, if you have been following along, you know that I wrote my brother-in-law Sean (who is serving an LDS Mission in Pennsylvania) a postcard a day, for 30 days. Or something like that. I was pretty close :) Anyway, I have still been writing him postcards, and admittedly I have turned into kind of a postcard freak. I have been scouring Lakeland to buy them, buying some off eBay and just the other day I received the super sweet metal postcard I found online. But now I think it is time to take it to the next level. So here it is:

I hereby declare, Monday, June 7th as

"EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD WRITE TO ELDER SWEENEY DAY"

By "Everyone in the Whole Wide World", I really mean "Sweeneyville Blog Readers and People from Facebook"~ same thing, right?

Here is his address:

Elder Sean Sweeney
1974 Sproul Road, Suite 206
Broomall, PA 19008

So find a unique postcard from your city or town, find something off-the-wall and wacky or heck, make a sweet postcard! Just be sure to mail it on Monday, June 7th.

Nope, it doesn't matter if you know him or not, just send him a note, tell him whatever you want, or make up something juicy for the office missionaries to secretly read. Feel free to tell him how awesome I am, or how amazing my blog is- you know- the standard stuff. Plus, I can ask him to pick his favorite. And wouldn't you like to have that distinguished accolade?? I think so. So let's get crackin'!


Elder Sweeney, all the way to your left. Looks like a guy that would LOVE getting elventy twelve thousand postcards, right? YOU BET!

The Right to Bare Arms

Okay, so my 30-day arm challenge was technically over about 5 days ago, but I really needed the chance to go lap swimming one more time before I posted pics.

So as far as a before picture is concerned, here ya go:



What? It is totally accurate. I was a spongy weakling.

And now, well, take a look for yourself!



In hindsight, maybe those human growth hormones weren't such a good idea.

Okay, okay, enough fooling around, here is my real arm:




It may not look like a lot, and the lighting in this picture suggests I am imprisoned in some sort of mental institution, but I think my 30 day experiment was a success. I mean, the feeling is what I was going for more than anything. I just wanted the squishy, flabby feeling to go away. And for the most part it did. Just lots of free weight exercises (3-8 lb weights), lots of work on the triceps, some push-ups, and swimming. Plus, I have concluded that freestyle swimming is the greatest arm exercise in the entire world. Which explains why I am horrible at it :) And most of the free weight exercise I did was at night while watching TV or talking to Jacob just before bedtime- maybe 20 mintues a night. Sometimes I did the weights while typing this blog. Multi-tasking at its finest!

Tomorrow I will post about the 30 Day challenge of writing Elder Sweeney. I have more news to share on that one- and it concerns all of you :)

Pop Quiz!

This following picture shows an Underwhelming Feat of Amazement because:


a. There is actually a little room for more dirty dishes in the sink
b. There is only 1 item that absolutely does not belong on my window sill, instead of 19
c. The saucepan that contained the macaroni and cheese was empty when it was brought to the sink
d. I threw that washcloth from across the dining room (easily 15 feet) into the sink and it landed perfectly draped on the faucet neck as you see before you.

The answer is all of the above, but D was the reason for the post. I wish you could have seen it! As my only witness, Luke just didn’t give me the props I deserved on that one.

I Love Lucy

If there is one person around here that loves Lucy more than Jacob, it would have to be Yoshi. Like a moth to a flame, she cannot resist. And no matter what day it is or what time Jacob gets home at night, Yoshi jumps right up and makes herself comfy. The sunroof seems to be the perfect place for a cat nap. No pun intended.

OK, yeah right. Let’s be serious, when would I ever NOT intend to make a pun? This is me we’re talking about…

Daffynitions

I was on dictionary.com this morning and here is something interesting I found...

1. chopped liver- [chopt li-ver] (noun):




And interestingly enough, here is something else I found...

1. bliss- [blis] (noun):

Is it just me? Vol. 2

Latest set of people I think look like each other:





Supreme Court Justice Nominee, Elena Kagan
<------------


Comedian/Actor
Kevin James
----------------->

A Cindy Quickie

Last week we went swimming (shocking, right?) and every time Cindy would jump in the pool, I noticed that she would yell out some sort of exclamation. So on her first jump she shouted, "Cannonball!!!" and then on her second jump, it was "Geronimo!" Then on her third jump I realized just how much our little world has changed in the last few weeks, because as she jumped in she yelled out, "CENSUS MEETING!!!"

Well, whattaya know?

I seriously cannot believe that the balloon that Grandma Bingham got for Luke at our Day Out With Thomas the Train- IS STILL FLOATING!! That officially makes today the 30th day that it has been in the air! I am debating starting a blog betting pool of when it will finally hit the ground. Hmmmm, there might be a widget idea in there somewhere....



Something else to amaze you: It only took 2+ years, but I figured out how to change fonts and use colors and sizes in my blog posts!



Actually, that probably won't amaze you, it might make you a little bit sad.

It's a good thing hats look good on me

Because as a Mom, you wear just every single kind there is. You are officially everything to everyone. Why, just the other day I was pondering (in my pondering chair, of course) about all the different demands we Moms have on our time. And then I starting thinking about my official Mother's Resume, which needs to be updated, because here is just some of the occupational "experience" I need to include:


Dental Assistant- "Alright, open up and say AhhhhhOooh my gosh! I can't believe you still even have teeth!"

Psychologist- "So what I hear you saying is that you can't be Olivia's best friend anymore because she and Hope played horses without you at recess today and she got the purple scissors during art centers, is that right?"

Saleswoman- I'm still working on going for "the close" when trying to get the kids to eat to eat vegetables, or when convincing Jacob I need more money in the grocery budget. I just can't seem to resolve his concerns on that one...

Hair stylist- I offer you the choice of "The Jacob"- only $7.95, (shampoo extra) or the Double Mini Ponytail with ridiculous Cowlick accent- and I will pay you to wear that one

Waitress- "So that's two hot dogs, cut into small pieces, on a Spider-man plate with Ketchup hair-do, no vegetables, 12 pounds of cut up cantalope and a large cup of juice you can spill all over the table? That'll be right up."

Veterinarian- Currently reading the book, Pet Rabbits, and was horrified to learn that you are not supposed to feed Rosa tomatoes or cucumbers. They did not cover that in class!

Judge- "I find in favor of Luke. Cindy you are hereby guilty of first degree teasing with the intent to interrupt Thomas the Train. You are hereby sentenced to 6 minutes of sitting on your bed and 1 hour of community service in the kitchen."

Mail clerk- Alright, who ordered the Barbie Encyclopedias?

Artist- My Play-doh version of Gary the Snail is legendary. Unlike my play-doh heart with a cow cut out of the center. A big thumbs down from Luke on that one.

Storyteller- "And that's when the genie came out of the bottle and gave Cindy three wishes! And her first wish was....."

Pharmacist- Of course I am not going to give her the diphenylhydrene in combination with the antihistamine blocker. Clearly she just needs some Dextromethorphan in a higher dosage. DUH!

Detective- Constantly cracking the case of The Mystery of the Missing Shoe

Doctor- "Well, if your thumb keeps hurting, I guess we're just gonna have to cut the whole thing off."

Magician- "And now, prepare to be astounded as I add red and yellow food coloring to your bathwater.....Behold, it becomes ORANGE!!!!!"

Tax preparer- There's just gotta be a way to claim Yoshi as a dependent.

Dance Teacher- Hampsterdance! From the top, and 5,6,7,8!

Writer- Postcard #27, Shark Teeth Identification Chart, is lookin' pretty sweet!

Superhero- Yes, I washed your school uniform. And I know where your shinguards are. And I bought a present for Hailey's birthday party. And fed the rabbit. Your lunch is in your backpack. And the Tinkerbell movie was behind your dresser. Yes, we will go swimming. And here is your money for book fair. Your oatmeal is ready. Yes, it has chocolate chips. OK, just a few more minutes on the tire swing. And one more game of Connect Four. And Yes, I will put this on the blog :)



To all the Moms out there- Happy Mother's Day! And be careful- because while this blog is, hat hair is no laughing matter.

Time Flies

I was realizing that I haven't posted anything since Wednesday on this here blog. Blasphemy!! I just have pretty busy the past few days. Meeting with my Census crew members to collect time cards at three different times of day is taking the most time. Grumble, grumble... However, the other and much, much more fun reason for being so distracted is having Jacob's brother, Nathan and his wife Linnley in town from Utah. YAY! I don't think Cindy and Luke have been this excited since "whip cream for breakfast" day 2 weeks ago. (In my defense, it was about to go bad and we were completely out of oatmeal...) Nathan and Linnley have been soooo patient with the kids, who are in absolute heaven with their new found BFFs. They have swam, gone to the park, played games, went on walks, played with cars and play-doh and pretty much allowed Luke and Cindy to run their lives since their plane landed Wednesday night. Which is the job description of "best Aunt and Uncle ever." They still have more days with us here in Florida, but I miss them already. I am sad for the day the kids have to say goodbye :) But maybe they will move here some day, right? right? RIGHT?

The plot thickens!

Through a totally unrelated phone call to Elder Sweeney's mission home in Philidelphia, PA, DeAnne was able to confirm for me yesterday afternoon that all those postcards I have been sending to Sean ARE INDEED BEING READ BY SOMEONE IN THE OFFICE!!! (a lovely elderly Sister) I knew it, I just knew it! I am just so excited to hear I have a fan who thinks I am "well-traveled and funny!" (Boy did I pull the wool over her eyes!) So now I am presented with a huge choice to make: To use the top ten or not to use the top ten? I would hate to alarm that sweet sister or spread rumors about Elder Sweeney and his nefarious behavior. But I would also hate to waste some mighty fine writing! Decisions, decisions... Any input on this would be appreciated :)

Can I borrow your moccasins?

Well, I am on my 4th week of working for the Census and I gotta admit, I am BEAT! It has been over 6 years since I worked any sort of regular, daily job- full or part-time- and I think it has turned me into a giant sissy. When I had Cindy and stopped working, I pretty much felt like the most worthless, lazy bum there ever was. I was used to working all the time. Full time, part-time, half-time, hammer time, whatever. Having lots of irons in the fire to make ends meet was what Jacob and I did best. All the time. Now, I have to say, that not being at home all day is just plain disorienting! I simply feel like I have ZERO time for anything. I mean, the real reason I applied for this job was for the money. I thought I could get in and get out quickly and make a little cash for my efforts. Plus, this job is guaranteed to not to last forever. Unless all my people quit or get fired, which is definitely not out of the realm of possibility... But I think the real value I am getting out of this experience is empathy. It's not that I don't appreciate that Jacob works his guts out to support us, I do. Really! But let's face it, I kind of consider 'having to work' as one of those things that makes you a man. You gotta work and provide for your family- it just goes with the territory. But to walk a mile in his moccasins for a week or two (and he does wear moccasins everyday, being Choctaw and all) certainly helps me see things with a different set of eyes. For example, I am constantly in an opposite rhythm than Jacob most days. When he is getting home and wanting to veg out, I am ready to leave the house and see the outside world. When he is starving and waiting anxiously for dinner after walking through the door, I am moving like a tortoise because I have been eating all day, and, clearly, what's the rush? And for the most part I decide that he is the weird one and must conform to my way of feeling. But after working for a few weeks full-time, I am realizing just how taxing the routine can be and how totally justified he is in his thinking. I get it now, honey. I am sorry for not understanding that more clearly :) And it is not just empathy for Jacob, it is also for my Mom, who has worked ever since I can remember and had FOUR kids to manage at the same time! I am working part-time with two kids and I can't get a load of laundry done to save my life. It's incredible! So thanks for working, Mom. I don't think I ever understood enough how difficult that was/is. And to my Dad too :) You both are great examples to me. Alright, enough already! Quit reading this excellent blog, and get back to work!

Top Ten, Part 2

My Dad commented on Friday's top ten list by adding a few more that I thought were totally worthy of publishing. Here are 6 more P.S. Statments for me to write on my postcards to Elder Sweeney: (See the previous post for the full explanation)

.......and just so eveyone knows, #5 is my favorite.


6. You can turn back the odometer with a USB cable and a laptop—go to usedcartricks.com

5. Are you finished with New Moon yet? If so, send it back.

4. Ha! Looks like you owe your comp a 10-spot…a Full House beats a Straight every time

3. No, the salt goes around the rim

2. I don’t think getting a blessing for that kind of a rash would be appropriate

1. You’re right-it’s totally better to tell them about tithing after they’re baptized