Who, me?

Last Sunday we had Stake Conference.  The program for the meeting was only filled with three speakers and the rest of the time was to be "conducted under the direction of Elder Packer."  Which basically meant calling on people from the audience to give an on the spot talk on a given subject.  In some glorious cosmic twist of fate, my name was called.  And in another glorious twist of fate, Jacob remembered to snap this picture of me on the "jumbo-tron", which coincidentally is the last word he said to me before I got up to speak. Thanks, pal :)

The good hair day should have tipped me off that something was suspicious...

I survived this terrifying experience, but of course after you sit down you think of about fourteen better things you could have said.  Or ten things, if you're me...

TOP TEN WAYS I SHOULD HAVE BEGUN MY TALK

10. "Well, this meeting's been a total snoozer, am I right?"

9.  "Perfect timing! Just got back in from a smoke break."

8.  "I just wanna take a minute to put in a plug for our Fall Festival.  This year we will have 500 live bats, which we are all expecting to work out better than last year's 500 live bees."

7.  "Glad everyone could make it today. I am here to formally announce my candidacy for Lakeland Stake President 2022."

6.  "When President Bailey asked me to speak four minutes ago, I thought the topic was so broad and I could go in so many different directions, but in the last 45 seconds I decided to refine my topic to simply "not fainting."

5.  "My three day alien abduction back in 1986 taught me some important lessons that I would like to share with you now."

4.  "To save time, I am just going to sing my testimony."  

3.  "Fun fact: President Hinckley built the Conference Center podium out of a tree he planted in his backyard and this podium is made from an old entertainment center I found on the side of the road."

2.  "Well, I am definitely NOT wearing flip flops to church, I can tell you that."

1.  "Hey, I can see my house from here!"