Red Dot or Feathers?

The other day at work I had the experience of calling customer service to verify patient insurance benefits.  If you haven't had this experience before, I will liken it to being hooked up to "The Machine" by the six-fingered man and having one year of your life sucked away.  Is there anything more pleasant than talking to a barely audible, mumbling man in India about whether Cortisone injections are covered under a copay or the deductible?  Nope.  It was sheer heaven!  And how many times in a row can you say to someone, "I didn't understand you" before it gets awkward?  Three? Four?  Turns out to be about seven.  Who knew!  If I am to survive this new element of my job responsibilities, I gotta lighten things up a bit.  I have ten ideas on how to do that...

TOP TEN THINGS I SHOULD SAY TO CUSTOMER SERVICE REPS IN INDIA

10.  "I've been told I have a lovely singing voice, so I am going to sing you a verse of Yellow Submarine and I want you to tell me what you think."
9.  "My name?  Hummingbird Saltalamachia."
8.   "Hey, can you talk to my boss real quick and tell her that it was me who stole all the toner?"
7.  "If you can correctly answer the following trivia question about Phineas and Ferb, I will personally send you a York Peppermint Patty."
6.  "So how much gold are you wearing right now?"
5. "Don't tell anyone, but yesterday I snuck into the back room and took an X-ray of my purse."
4.  "Has anyone ever told you that you sound like a husky Scott Baio?"
3.  "While I have you on the phone, I have my copy of Teen Vogue right here, so if I could just ask you a few questions we can find out which One Direction hottie you are most compatible with."
2.  "Can you give me your email address so I can follow you on Pinterest?"
1.  "Ordinarily I don't even talk to strangers, but since we've been chatting for over 14 minutes about insurance, I think I can safely ask, will you marry me?"