Elf on The Shelf Is Watching You

image

Well, it's that time of the year again when over-achieving parents everywhere bust out the Elf on the Shelf.  If you are unaware of the tradition of Elf on the Shelf, it is where parents get a creepy looking little elf doll and put him all over their house to act as their children's parole officer.  The Elf then flies to the North Pole each night to report to the big guy himself on whether the kids' behavior is good enough to land them on the "nice" list.  It is a genius idea for behavior modification through gratuitous lying.  To be clear, I am not mocking anyone who does Elf on the Shelf.  I actually considered getting an Elf for my own kids this year.  But then I remembered that getting one would require me to actually do a whole bunch of work, every single day for like, 24 days in a row!  And then I laughed hilariously and put the thought out of my mind.  Plus, guess who came home and told me that his class at school got an Elf?  I didn't think Jacob would be so excited! Okay, just kidding.  It was Luke.  He is ecstatic about their class Elf and guessing where they will find him each morning.  Yesterday he was "sleeping in a box of tissues with a rubber chicken."  The teachers go for the most obvious spots sometimes.  I love a good Christmas tradition, but in this case I am perfectly happy to defer my Yuletide responsibility to the professionals.  Besides, if I were to do this in the future, I might need to put my own spin on it.  You know, maybe do one of these instead...



TOP TEN ELF ON THE SHELF ALTERNATIVES

10. Wench on the Bench
9.  Skink in the Sink
8.  Owl in the Towel
7.  Grouch on the Couch
6.  El Muñeca en la Manteca  (Mexico only)
5.  Banshee in the Pantry
4.  Velociraptor in the Credenza
3.  Mouse in your Blouse
2.  Sniveling Weasel in the Oval Office (for Sasha and Malia only)
1.  Tard in the Yard


Gracias to Dave and Dad :)