Those Shoes Are Divine! No, Really

Today I went to the shoe store to look for another pair of shoes that I could wear to my new job.  I didn't want to, but I had to take the kids with me.  Don't get me wrong, I love my children and their company, but I mostly didn't want them to come with me because I knew that Cindy would end up trying on a gazillion pairs of shoes and end up falling in love with a pair that she would die without.  And that is exactly what happened.  The shoes of her dreams didn't have a tag on them anywhere, and after asking the associate how much they cost, the news was grim; $27 for a pair of patent leather, black, wedge heels with back strap.  Cindy was beyond devastated when I told her there was no way in my lifetime that I was going to buy them.  Weeping! Wailing! Gnashing of teeth!  It was bitter.  However, I thought that as a consolation to her that maybe we could stop by our local Goodwill on the way home and she could try on anything there she liked.  And on the very off chance she found something she really liked (and something that actually fit) maybe they would be cheap enough to splurge on.  Well, what do you know, we walked into Goodwill and looked at shoes and within 5 minutes she had found THE EXACT SAME PAIR OF SHOES in the exact same size.  For $8.  Someone up in heaven really loves Cindy :)

And to reward you for reading this story, I give you 5 shoe memes:

image

image

image

image

image

The Magical World of Armadillos

Just what you were hoping for this afternoon, wasn't it?  Yesterday morning we had a surprise visitor in the backyard.  No, not Vernon, the crazy drifter who lives in our backyard shed.  It was an armadillo!  Which I think makes the first time we have really had one of these guys visit.   Not sure if he partied too hard last night or his GPS was on the fritz, but for some reason he ended up in our yard digging after the sun came up.  Even though I am normally an unceasing fountain of knowledge when it comes to Floridian critters, I had to do a little brushing up on my armadillo factoids.  I was not aware of this, but armadillo is a Spanish word meaning "potato bug rat."  Armadillos are mammals that have poor eyesight, yet a keen sense of smell and long claws that allows them to forage for bugs, beetles, and ants, as well as dig holes in people's yards that they will one day almost fall into and break their ankles when they mow their yard.  Which alerts me to the fact that I owe Rosa a huge apology.  I see now that it was not her that was turning my backyard into a wiffle ball.  It was most likely this guy:

image

Wow, these things are really quite strange if you stare at them for more than five seconds.







The kids went out to get as close to it as they could and almost ended up touching it.  Armadillos are not so bright.  And apparently I am not so bright either, as I have zero video or pictorial evidence to show you of this adventure.  But if this guy is living in my backyard, perhaps he will make an appearance again sometime soon and I will be ready with the camera.

And talk about timing, but did you know that an armadillo has just been chosen as the official mascot of the 2014 FIFA World Cup?  Shut my mouth and slap your grandma!  (And then tell her I said sorry.)

image

The World Cup is going to be hosted by Brasil in Rio de Janiero.  I wouldn't have thought the armadillo and Rio had that much in common, but I guess since armadillos kind of already have the soccer ball pattern imprinted on their head shells, it was a no-brainer.  (Just like armadillos themselves!!!)

And here is a species of armadillo that you will probably think I am making up.  Behold, the Pink Fairy Armadillo!

image

What. The. Heck.  It seriously looks like something I drew in 3rd grade when I was asked to create my own new animal.  And if that one wasn't good enough for you.... (It never is with you, is it?)


Screaming Hairy Armadillo, anyone? I am not making this up either.  It is totally real!  It is on the Internet, what more proof do you need?

image

And finally, I looked up a spiffy "How To Draw An Armadillo" tutorial, and here is my best effort in Microsoft Paint.  I call it  "Hillbilly Speed Bump."  Luke would be so proud of me :)

A Day In the Life of January

Not a bad place to do your homework.  

Outside, in the warm sunset- it almost makes multiplication word problems manageable.  Almost.

On the other hand, what do you do when your awful parents tell you that you can't have a hot dog at 4:30 because it will ruin your appetite for dinner?  You get horribly upset and end up falling asleep with your head covered in blankets on your bed.  (Being stared down by Skippy Jon Jones to boot!)  Luke woke up with the sweatiest head you can imagine and then cried for a solid 30 minutes about nothing.  Ah, the unplanned nap ;)

And as an update, Jacob's team did lose last night.  :(  However, on the bright side, I got my workout buddy back.  YAY!!  P90X is back in session and we will both be crippled by tomorrow once again!   Life is good.

A Luke Quickie

Just gotta announce real quick that I am now gainfully employed :)  I got a sweet part-time job working in a doctor's office for an orthopedic surgeon.  My hours are fairly flexible, I like the people I work with, I like what I get to do, so overall it is huge win in every sense of the word.  It was a huge blessing to find this job.  Big shout out to Lisa McKendrick for remembering that I was looking for one.  And thinking enough of me to give the referral :)

Also gotta say GO WILDCATS!  Tonight is day two of district playoffs for Jacob's high school team- win or go home.   Let's hope they win!  And then come home.  Before dinner gets cold.

Now back to business!

Two years ago I bought a game for our Xbox Kinect called Carnival Games.  It features about twenty different midway-style games the kids can play, like ring toss, a dunk tank, balloon dart pop, etc.  The game also features a carnival barker, who insults you from time to time while you are playing.  One of his insults during the milk bottle game is "I've seen better action at the Laundromat!"  The kids have heard this many, many times over the months that they have played this but the other day Jacob and I overheard Luke follow that insult with, "Ugh!!  What IS a laundromat?!?!!"  No wonder the insults don't work on him!

My Official Review Of "The Hobbit"

Over the Christmas break I had the chance to go and see the new Hobbit movie.  And would you like to know what I thought? Well too bad, because I am going to tell you anyway.

The only things I really knew going in to the movie was that it was going to be very long and it was going to be very similar to every other Lord of The Rings movie made so far.  Those facts were both very accurate.  But there was more...

Cons
1.  There was a huge lack of Aragorn. Yeah, yeah, I know this is a prequel, but secretly I was hoping he would pop up through some extremely contrived dream sequence.  Sigh.
2.  Too much singing. No, I am not kidding.  I think someone broke out into song twice during this movie.  Ain't nobody got time for that!
3.  I was under the impression that the whole point of this movie was to see how "The Ring" came to be, so I was expecting a huge deal about this event.  But it was kind of like one guy dropped it and one guy picked it up. And that was it. Perhaps there is more to come in the next movie?
4.  Because we chose to not pay the equivalent of a second mortgage on our house to see it in 3D, we were punished for our frugality by being put in the tiniest theater in all of Lakeland.  Seriously, I think that theater doubles as a racquetball court between showings.  It was quite cozy in there!
5.  For how powerful Gandolf supposedly is, he is not so powerful, really.  I mean, maybe it's like Star Trek and wondering why they don't just use the transporters to move about the ship instead of walking and taking turbolifts everywhere, because I am thinking, why doesn't Gandalf just magic everyone to where they need to go instead of walking and getting eaten by Orks every 2 seconds?  Because Peter Jackson says so.
6.  It's probably just because Brian was there and he did serve a mission to Bilbao, Spain, but through the whole movie I was constantly wanting to call the guy Bilbao Baggins.  Still do! And I still will!


Pros
1.  Bilbao is played by Martin Freeman, who is also Dr. Watson in the BBC series "Sherlock" of which I have become a big fan.  Oddly enough both Watson and Bilbao have a lot in common, so it wasn't a stretch for me to accept him as a hobbit. I think he did a fine job.  And more interesting trivia is that Benedict Cumberbatch, who plays Sherlock in the BBC show, is the voice of the dragon in the Hobbit. And the name of the dragon is "The Necromancer", which I forgot to put down as con #7 for being the worst name for a dragon in the history of dragon naming.
2.  The cinematography was very well done and I loved the music.  Although, the CGI got a little out of hand.  It almost reached Phantom Menace proportions at one point.
3.  I got to sit by Jacob for over 3 hours :)  Not even church allows me to do that!
4.  I cannot lie, I kinda got a kick out of knowing that Dave was being tortured by the length of this film. He is like me and got the same gene that makes us terrified of long movies.  But he lived :)
5.  Afterward we all went to Tiajuana Flats and had mexican food, including Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Flautas.  MY. FAVORITE.

So overall I would give this movie 3 out of 5 Hairy Hobbit Feet.  Same scenery, basically the same plot, same time investment, same characters as the rest of the LOTR movies, but I am still pondering whether or not the world actually needs this movie?

Trekkies

This post has literally taken me over two and a half weeks to finish writing.  Writer's block is horrible.

(Stole this off of Facebook.  Thank You, Angela Foley :)

Every four years in our Stake, the youth ages 14-17 get to participate in a Handcart Trek, where, for 3 days, they reenact parts of the Mormon Pioneers' trek west to Salt Lake City.  They pull handcarts for 20 miles, eat beef jerky and homemade taffy, wear bonnets, sleep outside and learn how much they appreciate indoor plumbing and mattresses.  Trek is done by kids in the church all over the country, but I am pretty sure we are the only ones who always hold our trek in December.  That's just how we roll in Florida. (Trek was December 27-29.)  There is just no other way to possibly have the kids experience being cold at night otherwise.  And no one in their right mind would go camping in the summer here, especially my father.  This was the second time that he was head Trek honcho.  He pretty much wrote the handbook on how to do Trek four years ago and realizing how awesome of a job he did, he was once again recruited by our Stake to do it again.  Of course, Brian and Kelly agreed to be Ma's and Pa's while they were here, showing us all the definition of "overachievers."  Seriously, Kelly was 4 months pregnant and on vacation.  Hey, you wanna burn a few of those vacation days walking till you get blisters and sleeping in a tent while your wet? Sure!  Jacob was also a superstar and was out there every single morning bright and early to divide up the families, give devotionals, help run the firesides, conduct testimony meeting, etc.  He is simply amazing :)  Anyway, after my family all came back from Trek and we were eating Sunday dinner together, we started making "Trek" jokes. Mostly ones that were referencing a lot of things from Star "Trek." My dad made the comment that most of the kids would not understand any of those jokes because they are way too young to know anything about that show. However, he did tell me that without a doubt, the ONE thing those kids did know inside and out was Harry Potter.  And thus, I give you this:


TOP TEN WAYS TREK WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF DUMBLEDORE WERE IN CHARGE

10. Kids are assigned to their Ma's and Pa's by the Sorting Bonnet
9.  Trail boss gets to ride his Nimbus 1847
8.  Halfway through the trek all the men have to leave to serve in Dumbledore's Army
7.  Golden Snitch for festival Quidditch game is actually a tiny liahona
6.  Youth divided into the four Trek families of Orsonclaw, Brighamdor, Heberpuff or Taylorin
5.  The pioneer children conjure as they walk and walk and walk and walk.........and walk
4.  Trail mix features Parley Pratt's Every Flavor Beans, including cow pie, logan bread and rancid cream
3.  Everyone's patronus is a seagull
2.  Jedediah Lockhart shows up at the end to walk the last 100 yards with everyone
1.  Voldemort known as "Brother He Who Must Not Be Named"

Goodbye

Ever since we decided to put Rosa outside to live in the backyard I had a sneaking suspicion that eventually we wouldn't see her anymore.  I didn't want to speculate on just how or why that would happen, but the odds were kind of stacked against her.  For starters, she ran away constantly.  I would see the kids at the middle school bus stop trying to catch her from time to time and to be honest I am not even sure that bunnies are really supposed to just live outside in your backyard.  Plus, Cindy was not the super stellar rabbit caretaker I hoped she would be.  Sadly, we have now not seen Rosa in over 4 weeks.  Usually she shows up after a few days of being MIA and I overload her with fresh produce and affection, but I think that after this long I can finally declare that Rosa has officially gone to live with Snow White.  Farewell to our fluffy friend ♥

The Magic of Brian and Kelly

I took Brian to the airport this morning so he could head back home to Utah.  Having him and Kelly here for Christmas was awesome.  They are two of the most positive, helpful, fun and generally happy people I have ever met.  


I mean, who else comes over to build gingerbread houses and spends hours meticulously building a Dr. Seuss style house, complete with Nerds sidewalk and Smarties shingles?

And who else helps dig in the sand to turn Luke into Iron Man at the beach?  AND caves to his demands of making the fire that comes out of the boot thrusters?

And who else plays Mary and Joseph in the nativity play on Christmas Eve with this much sass?

And who else lets Cindy wear their boots and get into all their stuff?  (Brian is so patient :)

And who else plays Headbandz multiple times and still doesn't get bored figuring out he's a sandwich?

And who else goes ice skating with their niece and nephew even though after 30 minutes their "feet are angry"?

This was right before Cindy learned to skate with Brian. Hence the face of doom.

But the best part is that my children worship the ground they walk on.  Especially Cindy.  She has a unique personality trait that allows her to not listen to anything that Jacob or I say concerning how to do things, yet hang on every word of anyone else who offers advice (including total strangers).  We have learned that we are not allowed to offer instruction or coaching on pretty much anything in life.  Ever. Others must assist us in this cause.  Two cases in point:

The struggle to get Cindy to be able to cut her own food has been monumental.  Every time we have explained to her how to hold a fork in one hand and then use the knife in the other hand to cut, it has usually ended in tears, crying and anger.  And Cindy didn't have a good attitude either.   She pretends she can't do it, food goes flying, and by the end I need a restraining order and a Xanax.  However, the other night at dinner, she was perfectly cutting her food with a knife and fork!  I almost fainted.  I asked her how the heck she learned how to do it and she smiled smugly and said "Aunt Kelly taught me."  And then she stuck out her tongue out at me.  YOU SEE, PEOPLE????!!  I am not making this up.  Top of the totem pole: Kelly.  Buried five feet underneath the totem pole: Me.


Second case in point:  Yesterday when we went ice skating, Cindy was pretty much distraught and pouting within 10 minutes of being on the ice because she didn't know how to skate without holding on to the wall. And every time I would give her pointers, she would immediately begin slipping and falling on the ice like some kind of cartoon character on roller skates going through an oil slick.  I was about to give her up for adoption but luckily Uncle Brian was there to save Cindy from a hard knock life.  He seriously held her hands and skated around with her until she learned how to ice skate.  And she can do it! Without me, without him, without a wall and without an attitude problem.  Miracles happen every day.  I don't know how he did it, I don't know what he said, but it saved the day.  And my sanity.

And this is why Brian and Kelly are magic. If nothing else, teaching Cindy these two skills made your entire Christmas vacation priceless.  To me :)

My New Year's Resolution?

Eat more cookies.

Thanks, Mom!

Seagull....PUNCH!

No, that is not the name of a tasty new foul-flavored drink, I am talking about the latest and greatest game you can play at the beach with obnoxious, aggressive seagulls.  My sister-in-law Kelly left to go back home to a very cold Utah this morning, so yesterday we all decided to go to the beach while she was still here and soak up the sun and near-80 degree weather.  Hey, I'm not rubbing it in.  It's simply a statement of fact.  And this is why I live here, anyway!  No apologies. To be fair, however, the water was freezing and no one goes to actually swim, you just go to be in the sun and hang out.  And this is where seagull punching comes in.  As we were playing on the beach, seagulls were, of course, everywhere over head scouting for cheetos and distracted beach bums who foolishly were not hiding their lunches under a towel. Seagulls at our beach are very brazen and would carry away an entire Papa John's pizza if you brought one. So as they would fly overhead we would always raise one arm in a fist and say "punch!"  The seagulls were too far away and would only sometimes flinch at our gesture. It was mainly an inside joke, but it began to be hilarious when the camera got involved.

And now for the top 5 seagull punches of New Year's Eve 2012:


#5

Luke's form is pretty good and his disfigured face gives the impression that he can't even bear to look at that hideous bird.  Which was not the case at all.  Luke was bold.

#4

Although you can clearly see that the bird doesn't care about our seagull punches, Brian looks like he means business!

#3

I give him bonus points for punching two at the same time.

#2


Gotta give Kelly her props for punching while holding the chip bag.  And bonus points to Bri and Kell for seagull punching as a couple.














#1

Finally, Luke takes numero uno for his incredible Iron Man seagull punch.  His little fist just warms my heart :)

So what do you do at the beach when you don't swim?  Well, you....

Look for shells with Grandpa...

Dig in the sand...

Draw a monkey in the sand with a stick....  Nice one, Luke!

Find a dead crab....

Fly a kite....

Do some weightlifting on muscle beach....

Turn yourself into Iron Man....

Climb a tree and get photo-bombed.  Level: Brian.

Play some frisbee.....

Kiss a dead horseshoe crab....

Find a flippin' sweet Ferrari in the parking lot...

And jump for joy because you finally got to go to the beach again!