Soccer Finale

Today was the last soccer game for Luke for fall season!  Technically the team will play in the championship tournament game tomorrow, but since it is on a Sunday, this was his final hurrah.  I think he had fun and enjoyed the kids on his team this year, but he definitely wants a break.  As a testament to how warm it is here in Florida this December, take peak at the mom over Cindy's shoulder in her tube top and shorties.  The temperature gauge in my car was reading 83 degrees at game time and every parent watching had their chair in the shade.  I definitely wish it were cooler right now but since I am allergic to snow and ice, I won't complain one bit.

And.........A Luke Quickie


Another note to add is that last night after his final practice, the coach handed out cupcakes and trophies.  I was not able to be there because Cindy had a chorus performance in downtown Lakeland, so my parents took Luke for me. (And battled the hummingbird-sized mosquitoes out at Carter Road park.)  When I picked Luke up at their house last night, he was glowing about getting his first trophy.  And then he told me, "I even got FIRST PLACE!"  I was confused by this and when I looked at my mom she smiled and mouthed to me "They called his name first to get his trophy."  I like his thinking.

2013 Food Drive

Sorry to keep everyone waiting so long, but I can ignore the clamor no more!  Without further ado, I give you the results of this year's Thanksgiving Food Drive.

Best Donation of a Dead Giveaway 

Someone's version of stealth mode needs a little more effort.  Slipping us some expired food with the dates marked out with a Sharpie isn't exactly the best way to not draw attention to the code date.  Better luck next year. However, we will be on the lookout for your duct tape and silver paint.

Best Donation with the Intent to Kill

Could Vienna sausage get any less appetizing? I really didn't think it was possible, but suddenly I see how wrong I was.  

Best Donation by a Canadian that Inspires a Song Parody:

(The competition in this category is so tough every year, so really, it's an honor just to be 

nominated.)

Each year we look forward to being introduced to new brand names of food.  This year we learned of the brand No Name©, or for those of you reading this in Quebec, Sans Nom. During my 11 second research spree on Wikipedia, I learned that this a Canadian brand.  

Which is incredibly ironic because can't you hear America singing now?  

♪"I gave vanilla pudding in a box with No Name,

It felt good to give some thing so plain,

In the food drive, you can't remember who gave

'Cause there ain't no one for to take down your name " ♪ 

La, la, laaa, laa la la la la, la la laa laaa lah!

Everybody!

Best Donation by a Mailman

Can I prove Karl Malone gave this? No. But someone who loves mail obviously did.  Food drive, you say? Hmm, this lenticular postcard should do the trick.

The "Here, you throw this away" Award

Because maybe there is a needy family out there with a lot of HotPockets and no sleeves.

Best Donation for the Needy Baby Shower Hostess

Some of the food boxes that were ultimately given out did include a cake mix and frosting, so I can see where they thought this could come in handy......for Thanksgiving....?

And finally....

The Winner of the "Not Even Close Award"

They were only off by 19 years.  Just missed it!

Listen to Morpheus.

Turkey Day 2013

So how did we spend Thanksgiving this year?  I decided it was time to return to my grand old tradition of dragging my children and my dad out of bed at the crack of dawn to witness the glory that is me running a 5K.  And bonus, this year it was 38 degrees outside!  I mean, who can even resist that?

Here I am at the starting line acting completely normal.....

Here is the second worst picture of me ever taken.  Remember that picture of me ice skating on the cruise ship?  Meet its little brother.  Oy!

And what I did I get for all my efforts?  A sweet plaque. I came in third for my age group.  Which makes two races in a row and proves I only have one speed :)

As the meanest mom in the world, I also made my children run the kids race.  Which was only about a hundred yards and yet my children were convinced they were being asked to run the entire Mormon Trail.

But they ran strong and got ribbons.  Go team!

Then we headed to my mom's house and stuffed our faces all day long. I mean, I ran a 5K so that totally gives me license to eat 6,000 calories. We also played some games, watched some football, took a nap, and were literally in pain trying to eat our dessert at the end of the night because we were so full from eating all day.  I don't think Thanksgiving gets any better than that.

By the way, I went and got my hair did.  WAY more blonde than I was expecting, but at least this way everyone will know I am having a mid-life crisis and I won't have to announce it over and over again.

10 Sneaky Backblogging Photos

Luke is obsessed with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books right now.  Last week at the community festival where my dad got his Grandparent of the Year award, they had booths, bounce houses, face painting, free popcorn, crafts, etc.  So what does my child do first?  He goes to the

library's Bookmobile and finds the second book in the series and makes me check it out for him. And then he read it all morning. Including in a cozy little spot in this sculpture. 

The office where I work is a block from here so maybe I have a new place to take my lunch break...

 Luke just can't get enough!

I forgot to document that Cindy finished her volleyball season.  I was very proud of her for playing well and working hard for the entire 8 weeks.  Here she is with Coach Allison and Andrew.

Grandpa came to awards night to lend his support. And his bunny ears.

The other day I got a package in the mail and I told Luke he could open it.  Wow.  I guess that is one way to open a bubble mailer??  A way that no one else ever uses...

Three weeks ago Brian and Kelly came down for about 48 hours so Brian could be the best man in the wedding of his best friend. Cindy was only after one thing: holding Olivia.

Grandpa got into the act too.

It has been so incredibly not cold here.  But Luke does not seem to notice.  He will wear these long john Spiderman pajamas any time he wants.  And I found out the real reason he loves them is, and I quote, "When I wear them over my feet at the end like this, the red part looks like fire and I feel like Iron Man."

 Hey, my mom had another birthday! 

Jacob and I finally had a non-working date!  Blue Man Group over at Universal in Orlando.  I kinda wanted to see what all the fuss was about and since I am a LivingSocial commando I scored a great deal on tickets.  We definitely liked the show and had a good time (there was some very subtle humor all through the show that I totally loved), but we're not quite sure the hype is worth even my super savvy discounted price. We thought Cirque de Soliel was a little better.  But can I really complain about anything when getting to spend time with this gorgeous guy? Nope :)

Your Argument is Invalid

Here is a picture of my mom petting an armadillo.  

So about that 10K...

It went great! Despite the fact that my iPod betrayed me and did not sync my carefully chosen 10K playlist, there were still bright spots.  In a great stroke of luck the weather was overcast and drizzling that morning, so I did not pass out and have my dead carcass sizzling in the sun on the side of the road near the public library.  Looking back I am not sure how I managed to run for 57 minutes without stopping.  It's almost like me saying I built my own nuclear reactor and split an atom last weekend. It still amazes me.  I even ended up winning a trophy for third place in my age group!  And winning a trophy when you are 34 is kind of a cool thing.  Next up is a Thanksgiving morning 5k out in Lake Wales.  3.1 miles?  It's barely worth getting up for!  

Obamacare Sucks! And I Meme it!

None of these memes are mine.  They are all just floating around out there on the Internet and I have conveniently corralled them into one giant pen of mockery for you.  

Top Ten Tuesday

This was the latest offering by my dad for his Thanksgiving food drive email blast...

Top Ten Little Known Facts About The Pilgrims

10. Real reason they fled England was to escape Simon Cowell.

9.  Those Publix salt and pepper shakers everybody loves--never officially authorized by the Pilgrims.

8.  Hat, belt and shoe buckles really made of plastic to make airport screening faster.

7.  Strict Puritan beliefs prohibited making little turkey sandwiches out of dinner rolls at the end of the meal.

6.  Pilgrim men secretly angry that they always had to be shirts and Indians got to be skins in touch football.

5.  Teenage Pilgrims were subject to dunking in the public square for greeting the Indian Princess Sacajawea with ‘Sup Sac-J!’

4.  Women caught cheating were actually given a choice as to whether they would wear a scarlet A for adultery or a scarlet K for Kardashian.

3.  Totally made up the name ‘Plymouth Rock’ because ‘Plymouth Sandy Place Near Some Trees’ wasn’t cool enough.

2.  Pranked the Indians by slipping them a slice of Tofurkey when they weren’t looking.

1.  Goodwill and harmony of first Thanksgiving dinner was disrupted by argument over whether it was called stuffing or dressing.

What kind of person calls it dressing?  It says it on the box: Stove-top "Stuffing."  Duh.

My Number is 12

So there is a Facebook trend going around right now where people list a number of items that people don't know about them. Sometimes I find things like this cliche but most of the time it's quite fascinating.  A friend asked me the other night what I would put on my list. Well, here you go...


1. I am actually quite vain.  I own about six different wrinkle creams and I can't stand my gray hairs.
2. I have the loudest clap in the world. Seriously.
3. I desperately want to write and publish at least one children's book before I die.
4. I hate eating fast food twice in one day.
5. I get up at 5:05 every morning with Jacob and make him breakfast.
6. I am a huge Rush Limbaugh fan- have been since 8th grade- and I try to listen to him whenever I can.
7.  I have almost 150 items saved in my Amazon shopping account right now.
8.  I was one of the people who ordered something from Wal-Mart.com during their big electronics Internet glitch last week. And they let me keep it!
9.  I know all the lyrics to thousands of songs.  It is what I notice first about any song.
10. I cried at Luke's ultrasound.  I was terrified because I didn't know what to do with a boy.
11. Growing up I always wanted to be a hotel manager.
12. I was the lead singer for my elementary school Pride team.  We toured schools and taught kids about saying no to drugs.  I sang about 5 different songs by myself.


Be honest, you didn't know any of that.  And if you did, are you stalking me?

Grandparent of the Year

Yesterday I surprised my dad with the news that he won the Grandparent of the Year award at the annual Polk County Family Week kickoff party.  I have attended this community event every year for a while now and thought he should be recognized for all he has done for my family.  At the event I was only allowed to read a watered-down version of my nomination essay because they required that it be 150 words or less. Which basically means I had time to say, "Gee, my dad is swell" and smile.  It really failed to capture the awesomeness of the original essay, so here is the director's cut:


I would love to nominate my father, Mike Bingham, for Grandparent of the Year.  There is a saying that great dads get promoted to Grandpa.  This could not be more true of my dad. He was and still is a wonderful dad, but he is an absolutely stellar grandpa.  If you could think of every great quality a grandpa should have, he has it.  He is fun and energetic.  He plays all kinds of games, from Uno to Frisbee and even "hide the car" twenty times in a row if necessary.  He takes my kids to garage sales on Saturday morning and lets them buy whatever they want with his quarters and dimes.  He purposely collects junk mail so my kids can each take turns running it through the shredder in his office because they think its the funnest thing ever. For the past four years he has sent my children postcards in the mail every single week, just so they can experience actually getting mail (even though he lives three miles away).  He will dig for shells at the beach for hours on end and pick up anything he finds, sight unseen. He goes camping and builds forts.  He flips omelettes three feet in the air and is really good at making things with play-doh.  He attends all the activities of my children, whether it be soccer at 8 in the morning all the way across town or softball at 8 at night at the ballpark. And he always has money for the snack bar :)  He is the kind of grandparent that stops at the lemonade stands of little kids and buys five glasses just because it would make their day.  He buys overpriced wrapping paper and cookie dough for school fundraisers.  He is very generous, patient, hard working and always sets a good example of service for my children.  I hit the jackpot by having him as my father and the legacy continues for my own children who are lucky enough to have him as their grandpa.