It's Like Netflix for Clothes

I can stands what I can stands, and I can't stands NO MORE!!! So I did it. I finally did it. I completely confiscated ALL of Cindy's clothes. I just couldn't take it anymore! Take what, you may ask? Oh, just the gargantuan piles of clothes that were stuffed under the bed. The piles of clean, folded clothes that were filling up the laundry basket. Not being able to find two socks that match in the entire house, despite owning over 100,000 of them. The constant changing of outfits that is equaled only by someone hosting the Academy Awards. The constant wearing of the exact same disgustingly dirty outfit day after day after day and sometimes even out in public- OH THE HUMANITY! I could go on, but I will spare you. So here is my solution: I have switched Cindy to the Netflix clothing plan. She is currently on the "one out a time" option. Which means that I have all her clothes and in order to get new clothes, she must return to me the clothes she was previously wearing. Then we can decide if they are dirty (in which they are banished to her laundry bucket and not to be worn again until they are washed), or they are returned to me where I keep them until I release them to her after a grueling background check and quick sample of her DNA. And just where did I put all of her clothes in order to have them in my possession? They are hanging in my closet in this handy dandy contraption:



So now she has a lovely six-drawer dresser that is completely empty. And I have a super smug look on my face for being completely brilliant :)

Happy Memorial Day!

It feels weird to say, but this holiday weekend is actually one of my favorite holidays of the entire year. Probably because it involves three of my favorite smells in the world: cut grass, something cooking on a grill and sunscreen :) So have a great weekend in hopefully what is some incredibly warm and sunny weather. All you Utah people might have to work a little harder at that than the rest of us. And before I forget, here is:

A Cindy Quickie

When the whole "end of the world/rapture" thing was happening last weekend, I was explaining it all to Cindy. I told her that there were certain people in a certain church that thought the world was going to end on Saturday at 6pm. She was absolutely flabbergasted by this news. Finally she said, "Well, those people are making a terrible hypothesis!" That they were, Dr. Sweeney.

Guess who's pregnant!

Doesn't that furry little face just scream "I LOVE my owners!!"? Hey, we rescued this cat from a life of certain and eminent death. A little hamming it up for my blog is the least she can do, alright?


So yes, we are gonna have little CuCuFaces running around :) Your guess is as good as mine as to who the father is, but based on the cavalcade of suitors I have seen in my yard over the past month, I would have to guess that the kittens will either be a mixed grey tiger stripe, orange tiger stripe or be half squirrel. I have posted new poll widgets so we can all vote on this incredibly important matter. Too bad we can't just put her on Maury Povich. But I guess we will know within a few weeks anyways. Mazel Tov!

A Luke Quickie

Last night I decided to attend a coupon class that my friend teaches at a local bank. I didn't really announce this to my children, (way too many questions and pleas to take them with me) so when I put on my sandals after dinner and then found my purse, immediately Cindy began to interrogate me. "Where are you going?" she asked. I didn't want to get into explaining all the details, so I just said "A meeting." "Where's it at?" she further probed. I debated whether or not to just say, "The Church" (to keep things believable) or actually tell her the truth. So finally I just said, "The bank." Then from inside the hallway bathroom and while sitting on the toilet I hear Luke yell, "Make sure you get me a sucker!" Like Pavlov's dogs, I have trained my children well :)

Prepare to be Astounded!

In Friday's pre-apocalyptic top ten list, I mentioned my need to finally figure out the Queen Amidala/Padme quandary I have been in since seeing Star Wars: Episode I. The question at hand is simply that I don't understand if- let's call her "the girl that marries Annakin Skywalker"- is an actual queen named Amidala or if she is just a regular common citizen named Padme. Get what I'm saying? Well, loyal Sweeneyville reader Karin Salisbury took it to a whole new level in her post comment reply by dropping this bombshell on me: Keira Knightly played Queen Amidala in that movie! ?!?!?!?!?! WHAT? I had absolutely no idea that was her! Not an inkling in the world. Never heard that fact talked about one time, anywhere, ever in my whole entire life on planet Earth. So while that tidbit of trivia does not exactly help answer my question (yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna watch the other movies to figure it out- they are horrible) it does qualify as a true mind-blowing factoid. And because I want all of you out there to have your minds equally blown, here are:

10 things I found out when I Googled "mind blowing facts":

1. Turtles have no teeth
2. The same guy who does the voice of Optimus Prime does the voice of Eeyore
3. Keifer Sutherland has a twin sister
4. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie
5. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and month
6. The average American consumes three bottles of Ketchup each year (6 if you're Luke)
7. A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court
8. The total combined weight of the world's ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population
9. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing
10. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in 9 different ways; Read this: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

Your brain probably exploded after reading those. Sorry if you needed it. But I did warn you :)

A day late and a dollar short

Today as I was out and about doing my errands, I drove past my elementary school, and I immediately found myself thinking about my years at Highland City Elementary. I started thinking about the different teachers I had there, my classrooms, the fieldtrips, the kids I went to school with and all the different prisons they might be in now, you know, just remembering the good times. And then from the deepest recesses of my mind (and I mean like, Mariana Trench deep), I remembered something ridiculously amazing. I remembered the time we watched a really, really horrible PSA video starring Mr. T and he was singing about respecting your mother. And then I remembered a thing called "YouTube". And then I got really, really, really excited. So here for you now, courtesy of my super grooved brain and YouTube, is a piece of my childhood. A sad, bizarre, retina-burning piece of my childhood.

**Warning: Mr. T may or may not be wearing his camo daisey dukes in this video.**

Please put on your modesty glasses, now:



Moral of the story: Yo Momma jokes are totally unacceptable, fool! And Moms make really bad backup singers and even worse backup dancers. So do that while you're single, okay ladies?

But if only I had remembered this for Mother's Day! I am really kicking myself for that one! Sorry, Mom :( This video tribute would have been a way better present than that lame Darth Vader plate...

I'm Ready! You Ready?

TOP TEN THINGS I NEED TO DO BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS TOMORROW

10. RSVP with "Not Attending" to every event invitation I have on Facebook
9. Eat my entire ten year supply of wheat
8. Finally tell Cindy that mermaids aren't real, maybe
7. Cancel my subscription to Centenarian Quarterly
6. Figure out once and for all if Queen Amidala is Padme or if they are two different people (seriously, I have never understood this)
5. Order 17 Meat Lovers pizzas to be delivered tomorrow at 7 (joke's on you, Pizza Hut!)
4. Pull the tag off my mattress, dangit!
3. Use all 326 of my remaining cell phone plan minutes
2. Put bacon on everything I eat until 6pm
1. Admit that Obama really isn't that bad. Because he isn't. He's HORRIBLE. So the world ending tomorrow would actually put us out of our misery about 18 months early. Hmmmm, not a bad trade off...

In the cards

I can tolerate recycling as much as the next guy, but this is ridiculous...



(This is a card Cindy made for me a few weeks back. Go ahead and click to enlarge it and you will see Cindy's creativity. No, this isn't secretly a former Valentine's Day card from Cindy's friend Madison! Whatever gave you that idea? Silly Mom!)


On the other hand, Cindy completely redeemed herself by making this card for my Mom:


Even if she did address it:

A Cindy Quickie

The other day Cindy was looking for my old glasses that I let her wear for fun. She came in and asked me if I had seen them. I told her to look in the bathroom drawer. She went to look and then came back and said very accusingly, "Mom, they weren't in there!!" I said, "Well, I thought I saw them in there..." And then she stopped me and said, "Thought you saw them? Okay, I need you to tell me where you totally saw them." Ooooh, well, why didn't you say so in the first place! I "totally" saw them under the eighty piles of laundry strewn about your room in such a way that I cannot see your carpet or safely enter without my HazMat suit :)


To her credit, Cindy saw the picture I posted of the sunflowers in the garden and was very quick to look me dead in the eye, and say with the most sincere gusto I have ever heard, "Your sunflowers are NOT lame! They are beautiful!" And then she gave me a hug :) So I guess it's kinda okay if she kicks my fanny.

Inconceivable!

I am overwhelmed with appreciation to the 5 poor souls who actually voted for me in the poll concerning my sunflower battle with Cindy, but your confidence may be misplaced. I went out to the garden this morning to take an update picture and this is what I found:



Inconceivable! I think I picked the wrong side of the stick :( How does she do that!!?


However, my zucchini plants are gigantic and gorgeous, so my self-confidence has not been completely destroyed.





Also, I've had another genius idea and it's name is "Trying on all those wigs yesterday completely gets me off the hook for my last three hairdos." Awesome, huh? I think that is pretty fair, actually. I mean, if we all wanted to see me do something different with my hair, I don't think I could have done anything more different with my own hair than that :)