A Luke Quickie

I was at a home furnishing store the other day with the kids and my mom.  As we were walking toward the front of the store we saw a chair that was made out of some sort of white, furry animal pelt.  Luke was immediately in love with the chair and began to rub his hands all over the soft fur.  Then he called out to Cindy, "Cindy! Come feel this chair!  It's made out of fur from a real.........polar bear."  You could tell he was searching for the name of an animal that had white fur and that was the first thing that came to his mind.  I couldn't stop laughing.  And then after my mom told him it was not the fur of a polar bear he said, "Oh.  I mean, it's made from a cat."  Classic.

Get Your Smile Muscles Ready

If you follow me on Pinterest you may have seen some of these internet jewels already.  But since my parents don't follow me, and since every conversation I ever seem to have with my parents anymore always involves me telling them about stuff I found on Pinterest, I thought I would let them see what I have been hilariously describing.  So here are some random things I have pinned on my board entitled "Things Impossible Not To Laugh At."  It really is impossible.  You can't argue with science.  Or cats.  You see how many cats are on this page???  Sorry dogs, you just aren't getting it done.  Once again, I own nothing, it all comes from Pinterest.  Just like everything creative you will see for the rest of your life.

(If you look at the shape of the cat's mouth, it's even more impossible not to laugh.)

Totally crossing my fingers that this is a real product.  Got some big Halloween plans for Cucuface.  Although, my favorite part of this one has to be the front of the box that says "Cats Love It!" Does that look like the face of a cat that hates it? No WAY!

Even dead chickens are funnier than dogs.

Stupid Criminals....

Awkward moments in journalism....

When cats forget they have claws...

Okay, Mom and Dad, here is THE OCTOPUS PILLOW!!!

(P.S. I would like one for Christmas, please so when I get that part-time job I am looking for, I can sleep at my desk.  Comfortably.  And everyone else can be very, very uncomfortable.)

Okay, fine.  There is ONE dog I found....

"Bored? Draw eyebrows on your dog and laugh until his next bath. Hahaha!!"

It's a shame all dogs don't have eyebrows.

Pep Talk

I thoroughly enjoyed the talk that Luke's t-ball coach gave after the game tonight.  It went something like this...

"Great job, guys! You did good.  What do we need to work on, though?  First, STAYING ON YOUR FEET.  Right?  Remember to stay on your feet!  And second, what hand do we use to pick up a ball that is on the ground and not rolling?  The hand not wearing the glove!  So let's remember those two things for Friday, okay?"

Luke is terribly guilty of the first offense.  Tonight he was playing 3rd base and every time the ball was hit he would ignore the ball, tag third base and then run and slide into home plate.  And he also made some sweet grass angels.  But hey, it wasn't as bad as the girl from the other team playing 2nd base who was twirling in a circle and covering her face with her hat.  In the immortal words of Esqueleto, "I think they're ready to go pro!"

What's handsome, funny, silly and has two giant blue eyes?

This guy.

All Those Who Can Sustain Brother Claus, Please Manifest

The other day Cindy asked me a very important question:  "Mom, is Santa a Mormon?"  I was a little caught off guard by this question. I mean, does she really still believe in Santa?!  I was under the impression she had figured everything out and wasn't going to fall for my elaborate ruse anymore.  But perhaps not!  Anyway, I told her that he absolutely is.  And here's the proof:

TOP TEN WAYS WE KNOW THAT SANTA CLAUS IS A MORMON

10.  He's always running about 10 minutes late to every house
9.  His "elves" are 4 quorums of deacons from the North Pole West Stake
8.  He held a beard card all four years at BYU
7.  Naughty List gets hashed out during 12-hour disciplinary council the day after Thanksgiving
6.  Family history records show the reindeer are actually named Heber, Parley, Jacob, Ezra, Nephi, Orson, Williard and Shiz
5.  Leaves toys under every tree and a casserole in every freezer
4.  Has "Obama 2012" bumper sticker on the back his sleigh  (Oh, wait, sorry. That is how we would know he is a moron.  My bad.)
3.  The Church mysteriously shows 100% worldwide home teaching every single December
2.  Has given the Grinch a Book of Mormon six Christmases in a row
1.  Instead of coal he gives a U of U sweatshirt




And just to say thanks for being patient....

Sweeney Quickies

The other day I heard the kids in the backseat of the car talking about centipedes.  To join the conversation I casually said, "Did you know that centipedes have 100 legs?"  They were astounded at this news.  I told them it was true because "centi" means one hundred.  Then Luke asked, "What does 'pede' mean?"  To which I answered "It means you wet your pants."  And now this is a joke that will never die.


Tonight we were reading an Old Testament story for family scripture study.  It was about Elijah and the priests of Baal.  After we read the story, Jacob was summing up.  He said, "So after Elijah got his sacrifice to burn, everyone started to listen to Elijah and the wicked priests of Baal were..."   He was going to say "killed" but Cindy cut in to finish with "jerks" instead.   Well, they kinda were.

A Luke T-Ball Quickie

Saturday was Luke's first t-ball game and I have to say that I don't think I realized beforehand what a comical goldmine this season is going to be.  I expected the little guys to be cute, yes, but what I saw on Saturday during that one hour and fifteen minutes was sheer, glorious entertainment.   They essentially play 4 innings, where each team lets every player bat during the inning.  No one is ever out, every player gets to run all the bases and every player scores.  Basically, "the rules are made up and the points don't matter" for those you playing along at home.

I tried to borrow a helmet for Luke to use this season, but unfortunately it wouldn't fit his colossal-sized melon.  Seriously, it would not go on.  So the only helmet owned by the team that seems to fit him is a giant red helmet with a huge face mask on the front.   So that is what he had to wear.  Not that he was complaining :)  He seemed to like it just fine.

After the first inning it was time for our team to play in the field.  Coach decided to make Luke the catcher, so on went the giant red helmet once again.  After Luke finally clued in where home plate was, he began to walk with his giant helmet down the first base line.  He was right in front of us in the stands, so we all began to cheer and yell his name.  He stopped, looked up through the helmet, smiled and then saw Cindy.  And then he said very loudly, "Cindy!! Cindy!!  Where did you get that snow cone??"   His head was totally in the game.  

He did well playing "catcher", although I am not sure what there really was to catch.  At one point there was a runner coming home and Luke was completely staring into the unknown with zero clue that this was happening.  Someone threw the ball to him and it landed in the grass just outside the clay.  We were screaming our heads off, "Get the ball!  Get the ball!"  We must have yelled his name 20 times but he never heard us.  Finally after the runner scored and the next player was getting ready to hit, he looked our way and yelled out, "Oh.  Where is it???!!"  So far this is the best $35 I have ever spent.

A few more visuals for you:

He pointed to left field before he hit this one.

Classic t-ball moments.

A few of the giants, I mean, kids on his team.  Go Hot Rods!

The helmet didn't seem to slow him down too much.

By the end of the game they had run out of snow cones, but Grandpa Bingham bought him a Popsicle. I would say Game 1 was a roaring success.

No, I said COOKIE Robots...

So I found this picture on Pinterest the other day of Batminion!  

You know, Batman + Minion from Despicable Me?

I showed it to the kids and both of them decided they wanted to draw their own picture of it.  

So here is what Luke came up with:

And here is what Cindy came up with:   

PLANKTON!!

Feel free to read all the things she wrote on this picture as well.  And don't judge me for her spelling.

Are you sitting down?

Couldn't let the week completely pass by without a few memes to spread some Internet cheer :)

Today's memes feature Morpheus from the the movie "The Matrix."  Use this meme to drop mind-blowing news on someone.  Thus....

For my Mormon friends:

For my children:

For both of my readers:

For the cats:

And my personal favorite of all time:

Another Luke Quickie

Just have to brag about Cindy for one quick second.  Tonight was her first softball "game" and she did great!  She played catcher, which I am sure is a position given to her based on her ability to throw the ball farther than anyone else on the team.  I knew she had a good arm!  She was also the only girl on her team to hit the ball and get on base :)  Way to go Cindy!

Meanwhile, back at the dinner table...

Luke:  Well there is one guy in my class that's cool. Austin.
Dad: Why is he cool?
Luke: Because he looks like he does science.  And he does!
Me:  Why does he look like he does science?
Luke:  He wears these glasses....


Ironic also because occasionally last year Cindy would wear fake glasses to school and that teacher has called her "my little scientist" ever since.    So I guess it's time to confess that by day I am a regular old supermom, but by night, I am actually a scientist.

A Luke Quickie

Just for some background, I have applied for a paraprofessional position at the kid's school.  This is pretty much my dream job.  The same schedule, the same hours as my kids and I get to work and get PAID! What?!  Needless to say, I have been incredibly anxious to hear anything from the school for about a week now.  Finally, last Thursday I finally got a call from the school. Nurse.  To tell me that Cindy had been poked in the eye and was in the clinic.  Such a mean trick to play on me!  Cindy was fine and went back to class.  I was crushed and lost a month off my life.  Friday and over the weekend I still hadn't heard anything but I kept thinking that TODAY was the day that I was finally gonna hear something!  And I did!  I got a call from the school.  Nurse.  To tell me that on the way back from music class, Luke was walking down the sidewalk and, while not paying attention, he walked into a pole and cut his forehead open.  I won't lie.  I was immediately in tears at the news.  Tears of LAUGHTER!  Oh, my sweet daydreaming boy :)  This was bound to happen to him.  He didn't need stitches, he seems to be no worse for the wear and will be back at school tomorrow just like always.  Except for the t-ball helmet.  You can't be too careful.

A Cindy Quickie

Today during a baptism after church, my kids were sitting with about 5 other kids that are their best friends.  My mom had given Luke a baggie full of goldfish to snack on.  The kids became a little rambunctious as the baggie went back and forth all between them and other hi-jinx ensued.  Finally Luke had enough fish and as he passed them to his friend Ryan I heard him say, "You can have the rest of these fish.  But Cindy licked one of them so be careful!"

Should I Wear It or Camp In It?

Previously this week I was made aware of something.  And that is that my brother Brian thinks that BYU Football coach Bronco Mendenhall wears gigantic shirts when coaching his team.  To be fair, Brian does wear clothes that also fit a Malibu Ken doll, so anything bigger than that looks like a biblical tabernacle to him, BUT, I Googled "Bronco Mendenhall giant shirts" and do you know what I got?  An article that names Bronco, and I quote, "The Worst-Dressed College Coach in the NCAA."  Wow!  So apparently there is some merit to Brian's seemingly baseless fashion intolerance.  The article is here if you care to look, and the author does say that  "Instead of a polo shirt, Bronco opts for a ratty-looking t-shirt"  that is "reminiscent of a middle-aged, early-morning jogger."  Ouch!  So Brian, I guess you kinda win.  Way to notice the details!  Personally, I don't think Coach Mendenhall has bad fashion sense, I just think he is hiding some stuff...



TOP TEN THINGS BRONCO MENDENHALL IS HIDING IN HIS GIANT COACHING SHIRTS

10.  The Quorom of the Twelve
9.  An original handcart
8.  Cosmo's back-up head
7.  Giant keg of Mountain Dew
6.  1400 beard cards
5.  Autographed basketball from Jimmer
4.  12 trays of funeral potatoes
3.  An EFY counselor
2.  Year's supply of flour
1.  Rameumptom 

What do you meme?

As I have been deep in the throws of looking for work and writing cover letters and what not, I haven't had a ton of time to gather memes.  But I did find a few for you. And they are totally random. Enjoy.

Love this one.  I describe our President all the time.

Cats are Punks

While we wait for memes, top tens and goodies, oh my! Here for you now is a cat video.  Hey, there's like a zillion, so we better get cracking if we are gonna get through them all by the millennium.  It was sent to me by Nathan Sweeney, internet video connoisseur.  I wanted to display the video right in here, but the YouTube version would have subjected your innocent eyes to questionable titles.  Sorry, but for this one you gotta click the link.

CLICK HERE FOR CAT VIDEO

I will say, that if you are a long-time cat owner, this video will rock your world.  If you're not a cat owner, well, just laugh anyway to still be in the cool kids club.

The Suspense Is Killing You

Wow, the past few days have gone by really fast.  I haven't had time to post anything obviously, so in case you were wondering what was going on around here, well....

Friday morning I looked out the window and what did I see?  Sadly, not popcorn popping on the apricot tree. I saw Rosa.  For what was going to be the only time in the next 48 hours.   Perhaps she previously belonged to a magician, because her disappearing act was pretty good.  Luckily she returned this morning and seems to be no worse for the wear.  She does make the backyard look a tad bit more inviting than usual.

Then after dropping off the kids at school I headed out to see these guys at the Lakeland airport:

They were fantastic!  Loved their message and love that Mitt always lets Ann speak first :)  I was also able to get a few Romney campaign buttons.  Still kicking myself for not getting the "Dumb and Dumber" button with Obama and Biden on it, though.  I saw it too late.  Looked a bit like this:

If you were wondering how Luke is handling full-time school, here ya go:

I had told him to go change his clothes after school on Friday and after he disappeared for 45 minutes I went in his room and find him like that.  Poor kid is wasted!  But that was a well-timed nap because that night we headed out to the Lakeland Tigers/South McKeel Academy baseball game.


Luke and Ryan eating one of the many snacks that mother-of-the-year Davina brought along for everyone.

Is that the face of a Bingham or what?  I didn't even coach him on that.  So proud. Sniff, sniff.

And if it wasn't enough to see some famous people on Friday morning, here is one more that we saw at the game:

That would be A-Rod.  Of the New York Yankees.  He was the designated hitter for the Tampa Yankees that night.  He is doing a little rehab stint for a while in triple-A so he was there in all his stinkin' Yankees glory.   I would also like to thank the random boy that walked right into my picture.

Oh and Luke got to get his face painted like Batman.  (This looked pretty hilarious by the end of the night when sweat and food and itchiness got the best of him.)

Saturday we hung out with Addie and Dave.  So we did a lot of this:

And this....

Sunday after church we also spent time together and took some pictures:

 Ah, good times.  Uncle Dave is so fun :)

Today for Labor Day we took the kids to the Funtasia play place at Family Fun Center.  Cindy specially requested that I put this picture on the blog and then ask you if you can find her....

These cousins loved getting to spend time together :)

And of course Labor Day would not be complete without more swimming....

 And Addie learning how to go under water for the first time!!

Not a bad way to spend a weekend....